To take away phones on sleepover

[gowednesday]

10 year old dsd, hosting first school friend sleepover next weekend.

is it unreasonable to say no phones or that we’ll look after them and they can ask to use them?

Yes, quite...

1. If kids have Whatsapp, they can share videos to everyone else in the school who has Whatsapp. This means the child has the humiliation of everyone in their year having seen the embarrassing video. And from a parent's perspective, if 60 kids have had a half-dressed or indecent picture of my child sent to their phone, this means that image is out there, can be passed on hundreds more times, and it is beyond my control. The fact it isn't on 'social media' like Tiktok and Youtube doesn't make it any better.

2. Of course kids under 13 shouldn't have social media, but lots of them do. Some kids in my DD's class have been on Tiktok since Year 3 (the teacher had to speak to the class about why this was dangerous as several of them had accounts and post their own videos). Other kids in the class have their own YouTube channel and get their younger siblings (often as young as 6 or 7) to join in with posting and creating content to it. In my opinion this is negligent parenting, but it's outside my control. If I allow phones in bedrooms at a sleepover, I don't know whose parents allow them to have social media on their phones. I can't control what other parents allow their children to do with their devices. I can only control the rules around devices in my own home.

Yes absolutely this. 'Oh well, kids have always been curious about sex'. That doesn't mean it's okay to let 10 year olds be exposed to porn. 'Oh well, they can watch it in other places'. That doesn't mean you aren't responsible for safeguarding them when they are in your home.

I’m really shocked so many people’s 10 year olds have phones at all. I’d not be happy if someone bought a phone to a sleepover at my house. They could be accessing god knows what. If a child wanted to call their parents, I’d do it for them?

Do you mean at bedtime or after 9 or something .
Or no phone at all?

Also this!

I'm so glad my kids are a bit older now - they didn't even get phones til they were 11, so this would have been a non-issue.
At primary school when we had sleepovers, I did ask any that had phones just to leave them on the landing at whatever we agreed was bedtime (midnight, say), so they could have got them if they wanted to but weren't using them all night.
I would have much preferred the kid came to me with a problem anyway than texted home in the middle of the night.

If you aren't entirely happy where your 10 year old is spending the night, that you think they might need their phone, then don't let them go.

Why would you allow your 10 year old to go to a house if you felt like this?

If you did, would you be confident that having a phone would negate that risk?

My house my rules which are that phones stay downstairs. If you don't like my rules don't come to my house 🤷🏻‍♀️. I couldn't give a shit if you think your child won't access the internet on their phone, I'm keeping my child safe by not allowing phones in bedrooms at night. I have a good relationship with my children's friends where I'd hope they would come to me if they had an issue whilst they are staying here. I don't invite kids to sleep over whose parents I don't know and who don't know me. No one has ever sent a kid with a phone yet and we're all still functioning.

Without derailing the thread too much, if anyone has links to petitions about banning smartphones for children, please share.

The thread just tells me how normalised it has become for some parents the idea that their kids need a smartphone, and that’s scary…

This is the only petition I found so far and it’s for under 18s - https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/734522

Not a petition but a pledge: www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/

Sorry quoted wrong person!

Good grief!

She shouldn't be at a sleepover then.

Oh bollocks.

I wouldn’t have spoken to a friends parents.

Neither would my nd dd.

So she texts you at midnight in a state and you rock up at the family's front door demanding to be let in? How's that going to work if the host mother and father are asleep and unaware of any issue?

No, I’d just text her back and tell her not to worry🤷🏼‍♀️

A link for those who'd like something to be done about children accessing social media (not phones as such but we know SM is a huge issue with smart phone access)
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DThho8yDVFE/?igsh=NncycXh4bHhhNHY1

If a child staying in my house is so anxious, I would want to know and help. Whilst they would most likely shy away from waking an adult in the house, they can wake their friend who would wake their parents for them. Hosting a sleepover means you’re taking on the responsibility for looking after the children staying in your house and making the decision on when is the right time to contact the parents if indeed that is necessary. Certainly I wouldn’t have wanted a parent turning up at my house in the middle of the night. Absolutely, ten year olds don’t need phones with them.

The fact that this has become normal is so concerning. 10 year olds chatting online instead of speaking to the people they are actually with? It’s completely dystopian.

Of course remove but explain policy to parents when inviting. At that age
no kid should have a phone overnight and even less as a group. It would be a safeguarding red flag to allow it - so much danger can happen and then the other parents will see it as your fault.

That's pathetic. Children should not be reliant on a phone for reassurance and confidence. Madness. Good luck paying for all that therapy when she's older and can't cope with life

Of course you are not being unreasonable.
At 9 & 10 years old they should not have phones. Their brains are not equipped to deal with the responsibility.
As long as you tell parents in advance that you have a "no small devices in bedrooms" policy but if they insist on bringing their child's phone then the phone will be downstairs in the hallway should they "need" it. This way you have been clear and transparent up front.

Really? All my daughters friends in her class except one has had phones for the last two or three years and they’re 9/10.

If I was made aware phones would be taken away I wouldn’t mind, so I could explain to my daughter beforehand.

I would be pretty pissed off if another parent took her phone away without my knowledge.

Your child had a phone had at age 6?
Most children I know don't get one until they go to secondary school and then they are closely monitored.
Why would a 6 year old need a phone?
Don't you think it's bad for her development, mental health?