To take away phones on sleepover

[gowednesday]

10 year old dsd, hosting first school friend sleepover next weekend.

is it unreasonable to say no phones or that we’ll look after them and they can ask to use them?

Ah well. She’s 21 now and off solo travelling on the other side of the world. I think she survived just fine! We had many years of happy sleepovers after her initial fears.

@Cappuccino5
the Op is talking about 10 years olds.

Yes, and I am talking about my (then) 11 year old.

And the internet has moved on in 10 years.
Grok has AI generated images of women and girls depicted naked.
There is no comparison to what was happening in 2014.

10 year olds with phones - what the hell??? Are these smartphones or dumbphones? Some 10 year olds around where I live have those gps watches were you can only contact certain people but rarely any 10 year old has a phone.

Saw a tv show last year where it said some crazy high stats of kids first seeing pornography from the age of 9 and I think it said a lot of it was on sleepovers. Terrified the hell out of me.

@Cappuccino5if your daughter is now 21, you were dealing with a very different situation when it comes to children and the internet from those of us with children 10 years younger.

I’m afraid that 10 years ago it was 2016…

@LaddersAndLadders
Reports issued last year show that 4 year olds have been sexually groomed on Snapchat.

What dangers would they have “through the night” they wouldn’t also have and need protection from “through the day”

No phones upstairs in our house overnight. I’d let other parents know this in advance though.

Working as a head of year, I’ve heard awful stories about inappropriate photos being taken and shared (children getting out of the shower or changing, for example) as well as encouraging each other to watch traumatic videos etc. Children sometimes get swept up in group-think so don’t always stop and consider the consequences of their actions on themselves or others.

@Cappuccino5
My mistake.

They don't. My son's best friend who is 10 (year six but august birthday) has completely unrestricted access to his phone. His parents are nice and seem sensible so I don't understand it at all. He was recently telling me about an AI game he has installed where it's a kind of SIMS world but when the characters get depressed he chooses how they will kill themselves. 10! And from a "nice" family. It's an absolute shitshow and in 30 years we'll wonder how the hell it was allowed to happen - it's the modern day smoking but it's mental rather than physical health. And even when you protect your own kid it doesn't make them safe because of all the other kids with phones and access to terrible things who will share them.

@Herewegoagainandagainandagain
Being filmed undressing
Being filmed asleep

They are statistically more likely to share inappropriate images of themselves; more likely to be in a state of undress where inappropriate photos of them can be taken/shared and the feelings of privacy that darkness brings can lead them to take risks watching content they would expect to have vetoed by a parent during the day.

At 10 a child shouldn’t even have a (smart)phone! Are people really letting their 10 year olds have access to their phones and the internet unsupervised overnight?

My DC had a phone at age 10 in 2011. A basic one, rather than a smart one, but this was normal even then.

@ToffeeRabbit
Yes - according to the replies on this thread.

Absolutely heartbreaking.

My children aren't old enough for sleepovers yet, but I would never agree to this.

One of the few benefits to children having mobile phones is that they can contact their parents if they feel unsafe. If my children ever sleep over at a friend's house, I want them to be able to contact me... discreetly if needed.

Edited because I've read more of the thread. I was imagining that 10 year olds would have dumb phones, or at least they'd have parental controls to stop kids downloading apps! If that's not the case, then I doubt I'll let my children have sleepovers.

It’s also the fact that they will be unsupervised. They probably aren’t going to be looking at anything inappropriate when I’m standing in the kitchen with them cooking dinner, or when they’re watching a film in the living room while I come in and out bringing snacks. But when DH and I are in bed and it’s just them, that’s when the silly stuff starts. And it can start so innocently too, someone searching for ‘bum’ because bums are funny and it just cascades. Or taking a funny photo of someone getting changed and sending it to another friend who isn’t there. And so on.

As a teacher I have had 11/12 year olds who have done the following on phones at sleepovers:
watch porn
have sexual conversations with AI
watch inappropriate films (18cert)
post pictures of friends on the loo/undressed to year group chat
talk strangers on the internet
send nasty messages to others

Well I wouldn’t have been happy about that. I liked knowing my kids had their phones when they were away from home. What happens if they need it during the night to call their parent for whatever reason?

They were very well behaved and reserved and wouldn’t have used it for nefarious reasons.

The parents who would want their child to have their phone on them overnight, how would you feel if you found out that your 10 year old had had unsupervised, unrestricted access to the internet at a sleepover? If you insist that your child has their phone on them, presumably you have to accept that parents of any other children there might feel the same way. Do you know what their rules are regarding phone use? Do you know what they're accessing and how locked down they are? If you were the host, how would you feel if children had been shown porn or other inappropriate material under your roof, whilst you were in charge? The problem is, you can be as sensible as you like and take all the precautions with your own child, but you can't guarantee that other parents are doing the same thing.

I'm a teacher and have dealt with situations involving phones that would make your skin crawl. The tide is turning regarding smartphones, but there's still a hell of a lot of parents out there who are shockingly naive, or don't give a damn.

Dear lord, 10 year olds can play and chat and just be kids. Absolutely no need to have phones at that age and definitely not on sleepovers.

The age you give your child a phone, is the age they can access porn.

Absolutely no phones. They don't need them. Id advise the parents we keep phones downstairs after a certain time and that's it. I can't think why any parent wouldn't be ok with that.