To take away phones on sleepover

[gowednesday]

10 year old dsd, hosting first school friend sleepover next weekend.

is it unreasonable to say no phones or that we’ll look after them and they can ask to use them?

Speaking as someone who was once an 11 year old, we played truth or dare which escalated into flashing private parts on one sleepover because it was exciting and the adults were asleep. I was a sensible kid so everyone trusted me not to do stuff like that. Now imagine if we'd had phones with cameras, videos and access to Snapchat.

The phone was an old hand-me-down and the fact that it's smart means at least if she's in the house or at anyone else's house she can WhatsApp or internet call us or her friends without us having to make sure she's got the minutes to do so.

There’s nothing smart about having WhatsApp on a child’s phone.

You were responding to me and I didn’t say ‘bad behaviour’ I said ‘risk taking behaviour’ specifically around phone use (as per the theme of this thread) Of course children can access all sorts of shit at all sorts of times of day and you can’t control what other parents let their child access. However, I am supporting the OP. I do think it is right and justifiable that she has a no phones in bedrooms overnight rule for all the reasons I mentioned in a number of posts.

Why not?

That's fine, I'm very sorry I misquoted you. And your absolutely entitled to do that, as I am entitled to defend my opinion with everything I said.

Yeah it would be awfully if your friends had videoed you and put it on social media. But, a couple of points...no kids under 13 should have social media in the first place. My DD doesn't. Even though she has a smartphone it's still restricted. And second, I think context is really important. Do you really think you'd have still done it if everyone has their phones in their hands..I think the knowledge of social media would definitely sway someone. Especially a kid. School is tough and you tend not to do stuff that would make you the laughing stock.

No way should 10-YEAR-OLDS be having phones overnight! Good suggestions above about speaking to the other parents. I can’t believe anyone would let 10yos have phones overnight, a total parenting fail.

Kids do still do it and whatsapp videos to other kids, and lots will have tiktok and snapchat even under 13.
Everyone thinks their kid never would of course...

You could give them a time that phones are left downstairs. They can let parents know at 11pm phones are going.
Mine have to leave phones downstairs at night.

also, if you dont know the parents well enough to contact them
directly, or for the child to feel comfortable about asking to use their phone, then they shouldn’t be staying over anyway

Yes, it's really unreasonable. If I send my DC to a sleepover with a phone it's there so they can contact me in an emergency or if they feel uncomfortable.

Can’t believe 10 year olds even have phones. The sooner they are banned for the under 16s the better.

I think the parents who already give their kids smartphones with social media and few parental controls are already lost, as people tend to find reasons to justify the decisions they've already made, but my hope is more and more people will choose not to do that and realise that responsible parenting means saying no to unrestricted smartphones.

I find it very worrying that so many parents are completely blind to the risk of unvetted unlimited Internet access. Children will absolutely get up to all sorts without supervision and I cannot think why anyone would let a group of them have phones overnight. They could come to serious harm through a whole range of channels but oh no, parents are worried about their child not being able to contact them for 24 hours while in the home of someone they presumably trust.

This with bells on!

Yeah it would be awfully if your friends had videoed you and put it on social media. But, a couple of points...no kids under 13 should have social media in the first place.

A 10yo filming a friend at a sleepover and putting it on WhatsApp is exactly the same as putting it on social media. They can join groups and use hidden chats, no need for TikTok for a 10yo that’s allowed WhatsApp, they have all they need- any parent that thinks otherwise has obviously not discovered the hidden chats or seen the posts in big group chats (ask any secondary school teacher if you don’t believe me…)

we don’t know who’s in these houses or who could go into those houses that’s what this is about it’s not about internet it’s about the child feeling unsafe and being able to reach out and tell their parents

Why are you sending your child to houses if you don't know who's in them?

If you feel like that you shouldn't allow your child to go on a sleepover. A phone won't stop abuse if that's what you are worried about. I wouldn't send my child to a house where I thought they might be at risk.

Wow some disturbing answers here.

Absolutely no way 10 year olds should have smart phones in bedrooms at night under any circumstances

My son is 14 and I make.him and his friends plug phones in outside the room on sleepovers.

Seriously depressing that 10 year ollds want smartphones and that adults give in yo this shit

My sons phone use has completely destroyed his joy in a lot of things in life despite huge effort on my part to avoid it so his younger sister is not going down thst path

If a child feels homesick they obviously need to tell the parent they are staying with as we did as children.

Or they aren't old enough for sleepovers...

Tbh I hate sleepovers anyway and this is just another reason ...kids of 19 squirrelling phones away and as a parent I jave no control or idea what they might be using them for overnight in a room with other kids

Are you telling me every time there's a kid around we should hide all the computers/tablets/phones/TVs and consoles?

To a degree yes @Ludinous Yes times have moved on and there is no going back from the tech age we live in. But that doesn’t mean children with developing brains and poor impulse control should have them. I feel so sad at seeing toddlers in buggies staring at a phone instead of taking in the world around them. There is well documented research to show the negative impact screens have on children. Screens are extremely addictive, adults struggle to put down their phones and children even more so.

Children won’t be disadvantaged if use of smartphones is delayed; they will still learn how to navigate the internet safety when they’re older.

Don't think there's anything wrong with taking their phones away overnight.
In fact I think it's sensible. Too much scope to go wrong if everyone's farting around on their phones at that age, getting silly and giddy on a sleepover.
Bullying, etc.
Safeguarding issue, surely?
They can cope without being on their phones overnight.
Obviously if they want to ring to go home they could ask

The scariest thing here is the number of parents saying "well the kids can watch porn in the day so why should be worry about them doing it at night" and then if anyone says that kids probably shouldn't have access to porn fullstop they're accused of not moving with the times. (Whereas I think in 20 years time giving kids smartphones will be seen as ridiculous and we'll wonder what the hell we were thinking)

Agree, it’s so strange to see anyone justifying a 10yo having a smartphone but reasoning with ‘but there’s parent controls that cut them off at night’ as though they’re only harmed once it’s dark outside.
There’s no reason whatsoever for a primary age child to have a smartphone.