To ask if you’d still go on this night out or not?

[ScullyD]

Not a big deal but:

I’m part of a large group of friends and about a year ago I noticed one woman in the group, Anna, would quite often arrange separate meet ups with friends and leave some out. I find it a bit cliquey but understand she’s probably just closer to them.

so anyway the friend she’s closest to, Phoebe, invited me out with them at to 70s disco tonight and I said yes. Then this morning Phoebe messages to say people were going to Anna’s first for cocktails and she’s sure I’d be welcome.

well I checked with Anna about midday and she’s only just replied near the time saying only a couple of people are coming to hers now because she’s not feeling well but ‘you’re definitely welcome next time’. AIBU to just not go at all or am I being daft?

I should say she comes to mine every other month

They're just not your friends OP. It happens all the time in big groups where not everyone likes everyone else equally. At least you know where you stand now and there's nothing to stop you inviting out the ones that you get along with to do something.

Anna sounds like a pure twat.

I probably wouldn't bother going out at all because even if I managed to stop my mouth telling her that, my face would scream it at her. Repeatedly.

I just cannot with mean girls and would rather stay in than spend time with arseholes.

Anna finally replies ‘no problem about tonight, see you soon 🙂’ - hopefully not.

@JustSawJohnny yes I also have one of these faces where my feelings are written all over me! Need some cool down time before I see her.

There are four women in the group and six men. Phoebe, me, Anna and Katie. Katie wasn’t invited either and she’s actually the friend I’m seeing tomorrow.
This is such a weird group dynamic t h. You're upset because you're being excluded from pre drinks but don't seem to have any concerns for Katie who apparently hasn't been invited at all?

I would still go to the event. I feel sympathy for Anna, because she was put on the spot. She invited people to hers for cocktails and someone else overstepped by inviting you. I would go the main event and make no comment if Anna is there.

Team WrongEndOfStick.

@YourWildAmberSloth i agree with you to an extent. Phoebe’s proclamation that she was sure I’d be welcome was obviously incorrect and should’ve checked with Anna.

on the other hand, I’ve hosted Anna at my place many times. If she’d wanted to see me , wouldn’t she have swallowed her annoyance and welcomed me for a short time as one more person anyway?

so either way I think it shines a light on the fact she’s not keen on me and at least now I know.

Och it's too bloody cold to be schlepping around London to enjoy half a night.

This woman will wear out her welcome soon enough.

Have a lovely time tomorrow.

This reminds me of someone I used to work with. We were a sociable bunch who went to the pub after work most Fridays (I can’t imagine doing that now but I was a lot younger then). One day, she suggested a pub nearer her house. When I stopped by her desk to check the name of the pub, she said in a really nice-as-pie voice, “Oh, sorry, this is my local pub, so I’m only inviting my friends.” After that she did stuff like that all the time - it really bothered me at first, but then I started to see that it was all coming from her own insecurity. It was so childish, especially considering that for me, these were only work friends and I had a fully functioning social circle outside of them, whereas for her, they were her only friends. I don’t actually know what she’s doing with her life now - last I heard, she’d left that workplace under mysterious circumstances.

I would still go to the night Anna probably has made some food abd if she invited you then she has to invite others abd it gets complicated. Just meet them at the event as the others will do. You don't always have you do everything together , it's ok to do things separately

Anna is not going to rule your life, Op.

Go to the disco with all your friends and enjoy it.

Anna can rule who goes to her home. Trust that she is genuinely ill, or over tired, and needing a quiet start to her evening.
Ask her how she is feeling if she is at the function.

Has she got her eye on one or more of the males and sees you and Katie as threats?

Six men and none of them have hosted? Stop letting them get away with that. I'm now thinking Anna wanted to show off being Perfect Hostess to the menz without you there.

@Stressystressylemonzesty I don’t think so, apparently she’s met some guy on Tinder.

But I do thinks she likes to be the centre of attention with them and doesnt like perceived competition from that. I think both me and Katie are outgoing and the guys like us very well. Anna is often quite quiet.

i suspect that when we’re not present she kind of sees it as her time to shine. Just a theory.

This is quite rude. I wouldn't go to either thing, but then I find 9.30 to be too late to start a night out.

"You don’t know who was invited and wouldn’t know about it if P hadn’t decided to over step the mark and invite you to someone else’s house."

She'd find out when they all arrive together, wouldn't she?

It's comedy, very funny. I loved it. Link

That is objectively clear from the first post. "AIBU to just not go at all or am I being daft?" clearly qualifying that they are talking about whether to write off the entire night out or not.

Sorry I couldn't get the link to Post - here it is (not very subtle)
https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-google&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIOCAEQRRgnGDsYgAQYigUyDAgCEC4YJxiABBiKBTIGCAMQRRg7MgoIBBAuGLEDGIAEMgoIBRAAGLEDGIAEMgoIBhAAGLEDGIAEMgoIBxAAGLEDGIAEMgcICBAAGIAEMgcICRAAGIAEMgcIChAAGIAEMgcICxAAGIAEMgcIDBAAGIAEMgcIDRAAGIAE0gEJMTA4MzhqMGo0qAIOsAIB8QX95is2etMgCQ&ie=UTF-8&oq=Amandaland&q=Amandaland&sourceid=chrome-mobile#ebo=0&sbfbu=1&pi=Amandaland

This reminds me of a time when I was about 15 and a few of us were going to hang out at this guy's house and he said there was one person too many and one person couldn't go. He was talking about a girl who was on the periphery of our group (who had been the one to go to the shop for cider) and it was so blatant and shit thay my friend and I went to hang about with her instead (and became really good friends). That's what this is coming across as, that kind of level, but from the point of trying to assert some kind of dominance. I couldn't be fucked with it either if I was you. Fuck that.

Having men in the group puts a whole different slant on things. How many of them are invited?

If i were you @ScullyD i would arrange a few pre drinks at yours soon and do exactly the same to Anna, she needs a taste of her own bullyish medicine… and get Katie to do the same

Anna’s a witch.

The night out… not the drinks.