Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

[Groay]

Husband is a pilot. He ended up at an airport that is not his home base. This meant he stayed overnight in a hotel. I was fine with this. But I have since learned that everyone except him chose to get in a paid for taxi in the very early hours. Husband’s taxi was for 2pm the next day. Everyone else wanted to gain that day back by getting the travel over and done with.

It meant that I had to cancel an event I wanted to go to. Dh knows I was trying to figure out alternative childcare but the hassle wasn’t worth it in the end so I sacked it off.

Do I have a right to be mad? Dh could’ve slept for three hours in the taxi and then driven the 20 mins home. And had basically the whole next day to chill with the odd drop off here and there for kids.

He said he was knackered. He FaceTimed me from bed and he was definitely tired but I can tell when he’s exhausted. He was actually quite talkative and I had to say get some sleep to him! I was up with poorly baby

He'd have maybe managed a really crap nap in a taxi at 4-7am, then have to be awake enough to drive, then get home and try to get to sleep at what, 8am, when it's completely light, then have to look after and then drive the kids around in the afternoon?!

YABVU

Tbf, as a flyer, I'd prefer the pilot to have had a good kip...that's a grown up job...

As someone who nearly lost a loved one due to someone who was driving on very little sleep, you’re being unreasonable

Also he didn’t have the whole next day. He has until lunchtime before OP needed him to run errands etc. so not the whole day, barely half a day.

and guaranteed the OP and the kids won’t be as quiet as they think they’re being in the morning.

I assume that you were also tired as you were awake at 4.00am with a poorly child.
I actually think it was sensible of your DH to stay in a hotel, but I think he should have come home much earlier. Many hotel rooms have to be vacated by 11.00am or so.
I think that you have possibly reacted more negatively due to your own tiredness and having to miss your event than because you think your DH was actually unreasonable.

I’d have preferred my husband got proper sleep and came home safely. I get it, we’re an NHS family. Stuff gets missed.

it’s very easy to run on adrenaline and not realise how sleep deprived you are sometimes.

Also presumably you were fine with it UNTIL you found out that “other people in the crew” got the taxi home, but respectfully other crew members don’t have such an incredibly important role as the pilot do they? Nobody’s going to die if a trolley dolly dishes out coffee instead of tea are they?

It might be worth remembering the tag line drowsy drivers die it was a successful campaign at stopping people doing just that.

Yep, that would have gone down well if he’d caused a fatal collision through exhaustion….
I was being fair

I don’t think pilots (depending on the airline) get paid as much as you think they do. I think it’s the kind of job that people generally don’t know much about so assume it’s hugely well paid and it carries some weight with women people. I bet if she had said he was a bus driver she would have got a different response on here.

I'd have done the same as him. It's not like he was out partying.

I'm glad he was sensible. Would hate for my pilot to have had missed a night's sleep then had a busy day looking after kids and then one night before flying the next day.
YABVU and selfish.

He did the right thing in my opinion. Few people can sleep well for three hours in a car, it just isn't realistic.I'd have taken the option of the hotel at 4am too.

You are clearly searching for validation but I think you are being unreasonable. Being a pilot surely comes with some antisocial shifts and working hours so this sort of issue can come with the territory.

It sounds like the flight was diverted to another airport for some reason. That is under neither his control nor yours so you just have to accept the consequences, which were that on this occasion, regardless of what the other crew members did, he felt he needed the hotel. Perfectly reasonable.

What was the event and was it very important to you?

That's irrelevant, the other pilot could have opted to have gone to Soho and danced the night away - what other people do has no bearing whatsoever.

Driving tired carries the same level of risk as drunk driving. If people really understood that they’d be less blasé about driving with little to no sleep. Whatever the occupation, driving at 7.00am with minimal sleep isn’t a risk worth taking, getting a proper nights sleep was the sensible decision.

You're being ridiculous now.

He's an independent person making rational choices according to how he's feeling. Presumably you'd expect him to support choices you made in similar situations.

Apparently you weren't even annoyed until you found out that others made different choices - you're coming across as selfish as though your needs should be prioritised over his.

Just think about how you'd feel if, next time, he bends over backwards to get home because you've been so demanding this time. And then he has an accident because he's still groggy after a long day and 3h of questionable sleep (shared taxi it sounds like).

Think about how you would feel if he kills himself, or an innocent bystander, because he nods off in those final miles.

Then take those same feelings and apply them to this time.

Better? Good!

Stop being angry and enjoy life with each other.

I couldn’t sleep in a taxi if my life depended on it, I think he didn’t the right thing.

Coffee catch up with a pal most likely.

Or missing a Waterstones ‘book’ signing from some Love Island hunk 🤷

Marriage is not a balance sheet. You were up with a poorly baby; he'd just had over 100 people's lives in his hands. Stop with the mental accounting, stop trying to make his decisions for him, and respect his choices.

Tell me you’re jealous that someone has a pilot for a husband without telling me 😂

If my partner was mad at me for working that much, a pilot's job is not easy, and spending the night in a hotel because I was exhausted, I would give my partner a well deserved ear full of "STUFF IT UP YOUR ARSE" and would have left to spend the day with my family. And I would want an apology for being so selfish.

lol I’m a guy and absolutely not jealous I have a job that pays more and is less difficult and disruptive as a pilot. I sympathise with the guy. Both for his stressful jib and clearly stressful home life.

OP AIBU?
MN Yes
OP no I am not.