Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

[Groay]

Husband is a pilot. He ended up at an airport that is not his home base. This meant he stayed overnight in a hotel. I was fine with this. But I have since learned that everyone except him chose to get in a paid for taxi in the very early hours. Husband’s taxi was for 2pm the next day. Everyone else wanted to gain that day back by getting the travel over and done with.

It meant that I had to cancel an event I wanted to go to. Dh knows I was trying to figure out alternative childcare but the hassle wasn’t worth it in the end so I sacked it off.

Do I have a right to be mad? Dh could’ve slept for three hours in the taxi and then driven the 20 mins home. And had basically the whole next day to chill with the odd drop off here and there for kids.

He said he was knackered. He FaceTimed me from bed and he was definitely tired but I can tell when he’s exhausted. He was actually quite talkative and I had to say get some sleep to him! I was up with poorly baby

He would’ve had until 1 pm the next day before I needed him to keep an eye out. The kids know to leave their dad alone for him to sleep.

I suspect that he has form for checking out of family life because of his "big important job" @Groay, is that why you are annoyed really?

Was he PF or PM on the flight? and although it doesn't really impact his decision, did the First Officer get a taxi home too.

To everyone castigating @Groay there are obviously more underlying issues to this marriage than not getting a taxi home after a disrupted flight.

eta; apologies, I see you've answered wrt FO

I'd let it go. He truly may have been shattered but also pleased to talk to you last night, hence him being chatty. Also, when I get over tired sometimes I can almost get a little manic, like a second wind even though am very tired.
Anyway, rambling.

I'd just pleased the other pilot and his colleagues didn't cause an accident when they chose to drive home at silly o clock in the morning exhausted. Be glad you're married to seemingly the only sensible member of the crew.

I can’t work out if you’re mad at your DH for changing the plan or if you’re mad based on what the other pilot did. If the latter then YABU.

It was 4am in the morning!

Of course it was reasonable for him to go to sleep in an actual bed in a hotel paid for by his company.

No way would I expect my husband to do anything other than go to bed at 4am.

Agree with this.

Not a chance I could relax enough to get any sleep in a taxi!

And was the other pilot going home to exactly the same setting and expectations as your husband?

Would you have wanted to take a 3 hour taxi ride home at 4am, or would you have wanted to got to bed?

The kids might know to leave him alone, but that doesn't mean he'd have gone straight to sleep and slept for six hours.

Out of curiosity, have you ever worked nights or done shift work?

What time did he arrive at hotel where he stayed?

If I was married to a pilot I would have a part time nanny.
6 hours sleep is only guaranteed if you have the ability to shut down immediately which is nearly impossible after finishing work on shift.

But if he got off a flight at 4.00am, a taxi for 3 hours and a 20 minute drive he wouldn’t be home til 8.00am, by the time he got in and settled for bed he’d get what, 5 hours sleep at best and then be responsible for children after how long a working a day the day before. I think you’re being very unreasonable.

Even if there are wider issues, on this particular occasion you’re being unreasonable.

Tbh I would have took the hotel to sleep rather than 3 hour taxi journey napping (grim) to house with noisy kids and poorly baby.
Make me a bad parent - yep. But I need sleep especially coming off a shift.

It doesn’t matter what everyone else did

no one “sleeps” properly for 3 hours in a taxi

don’t have children with/marry a pilot if you aren’t prepared to adjust your plans last minute - hardly his fault he had to land at another airport and you have no idea - unless you are also a pilot - how exhausted or not he was

I was about to post exactly the same thing.

Honestly OP, the more you say, the more unreasonable you sound.

Sleeping in a taxi then driving sounds awful. How important was the event?

I think he was right to get a hotel.

Look, neither of you are unreasonable. This is just a shit situation which I presume was out of everyone's control (from what you've said, I guess ending up at an airport three hours away wasn't planned).

There is fuck all point making an argument out of something which is no-ones fault. It's shit that you missed your event, it's shit that he ended up three hours from home at 4am.

Unfortunately sometimes shit things happen. You don't make it worse by picking a fight.

This, its just one of those things isn't it.

God, he could have had 3 hours in the car?

That’s going to be nice and restful. Or come home after a long shift and endless travelling for 6 hours sleep.

Id have stayed in a hotel too. And slept until l felt properly rested ( not 3 hours in a car) and then gone home. These things happen.

I think it depends how important your event was

Well I actually think you are BU. Everyone else in the crew may have been able to journey home after work but your DH is a pilot which probably required a lot more concentration and mental capacity than some of the other crew’s roles. So expecting him to do a 3 hour cab ride and then drive is ridiculous and quite unsafe if he needed to sleep.

I’d be disappointed but I think the solution is that you need to buy in more help. So I’d be focusing on doing that.

Unless this is an ongoing issue where he acts like your needs are not important?

YABVU since you admitted in your OP you were fine with the hotel stay and only kicked off when you learned his colleagues opted for a long taxi ride home.

However, you have no idea what his colleagues work patterns are or what their personal lives are like.

Focus on your own circumstances. You said you were fine so then be fine.

Yeah I think that if he saw everyone else was just getting home asap so as to not inconvenience their families then he really ought to have realised that it was the fairest thing to do. I hate it when they have the moral high ground, of course it’s not unreasonable that he wanted to get some sleep, the poor man working such an intense job for all those hours and then his wife expected him to travel for three more hours blah blah. At the end of the day he stayed over at your expense. If he had come home it would have been at his expense (looking after his own kids, sleeping in a taxi etc) I think the major difference is that most women would have pushed through at their own inconvenience so as not to inconvenience anyone else. How many of the crew that chose the selfless option were female? Maybe you need to start being less selfless because you’re probably not being treated the way you treat him which leads to resentment.

Edited to add: you should have left his job title off. Some women won’t be able to get past how their partner works a crappy job and is still selfish 😂 you should remain grateful to have such a hard working man (I hope you can detect my sarcasm).

But that’s not good quality sleep is it OP? should be a bit more respectful and understanding of the fact your husband is a PILOT. Jesus christ.