Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

[Groay]

Husband is a pilot. He ended up at an airport that is not his home base. This meant he stayed overnight in a hotel. I was fine with this. But I have since learned that everyone except him chose to get in a paid for taxi in the very early hours. Husband’s taxi was for 2pm the next day. Everyone else wanted to gain that day back by getting the travel over and done with.

It meant that I had to cancel an event I wanted to go to. Dh knows I was trying to figure out alternative childcare but the hassle wasn’t worth it in the end so I sacked it off.

Do I have a right to be mad? Dh could’ve slept for three hours in the taxi and then driven the 20 mins home. And had basically the whole next day to chill with the odd drop off here and there for kids.

He said he was knackered. He FaceTimed me from bed and he was definitely tired but I can tell when he’s exhausted. He was actually quite talkative and I had to say get some sleep to him! I was up with poorly baby

Unless you had a reason to be upset he chose to say (ie strong suspicion he wasn’t alone) I’d let him sleep wherever he feels best. I wouldn’t want to mess with a pilot’s rest.

If you only live 15mins away then why would it have taken 3 hours in a taxi?

Because the plane was diverted to another airport.

ETA - she meant the drive would only have been 15 minutes after the 3 hour taxi ride. Still 15 minutes is plenty of time to crash through tiredness but the OP seems to not have minded that being a possibility.

Because his flight was diverted to an airport 3 hours away from his home airport.

Because 4am + 8h sleep = noon. Add some time for getting off, getting up and vacating the room and having breakfast and you're at 2pm.

It's standard planning.

I went mad when we made it to the hotel for 4am, and they expected us to grab a 8am taxi - guaranteed no sleep fretting over missing the taxi.

I'm very torn here.

I cc an see that the amount and quality of sleep he'd have got if he'd followed your plan, would have been rubbish, and that doesn't sound like the safest option. The others might have gone home, but they may have been able to sleep in a house without kids for as long as they wanted.

But equally, I remember the days of truly terrible sleep with babies/toddlers. The idea of a potential block of 5 hours (it wouldn't have been 6) sounds great in that content. Heck, my kids are 6+8 (though still have chronic sleep issues) and 5 hours is pretty normal for me. I remember the days of hourly wake ups and the fighting to stay awake with work (thankfully at home). As I WFH 100% I never 'have' to drive tired, so I don't.

But as someone said, the world would grind to a halt if people didn't sometimes push through tiredness. I think so many (mostly) mums drag themselves to work by car after 3 hours work on a daily basis, that this blokes choice although objectively reasonable, seems rather indulgent.

I think you are being unreasonable. Better safe than sorry.

Bonkers to expect anyone to sleep in a taxi then drive when dangerously tired. It’s reckless.

YANBU.

I've got a friend who's a critical care nurse. When she's been on a night shift she sleeps until the afternoon school run, so a similar amount of time as your DH would have had.

Couldn't have said it better myself. That sort of fatigue could be dangerous behind a wheel of a car.

My thoughts too.

Thank god for that. Not sure I’d be wanting a knackered pilot flying me anywhere. 🫤

Three hours in a taxi sounds horrendous to me at the best of times. I’m not sure really if he was being U as I would have chosen the hotel
too over a long taxi ride followed by a drive home after I’d just landed a plane.

Absolutely. The man is responsible for actual
lives.

It’s a shame and he should definitely be part of improving the childcare options you have.

However Yabu i wouldn’t have wanted to encounter him driving at either 7am or the afternoon even with potential 6 hours sleep. Sleeping in a cab even if managed would not be good sleep. Would he have been safe to look after the children (depending on their ages?)

Nobody wants pilots pushing through tiredness.

So you’re a misogynist then, so much better.

So what? Your DH made the right decision for himself. Having done night shifts I know how hard sleep is in the day and driving after a 3 hour sleep isn’t safe, even for 15 mins. I know someone who crashed her car 200 meters from home in a similar scenario. Give the guy a break.

But not the airport he landed back at on this occasion!

HE HAD FINISHED WITH HIS PLANE. So a pilot can never be tired in between working? Someone better put a public service announcement out that they can’t have kids in that case. Or some breeds of dog.

Working a shift, trying to get three hours of crappy sleep in a taxi (after being up for god knows how long) then driving home. No chance. I'd have gone to the hotel too and what 'everyone else' was doing would have been totally irrelevant.

As a former cabin crew, I agree with your husband.

I regularly used to fall asleep on the bus and miss my accommodation stop after a night flight. The jet lag can be a killer which stops you resting properly on a layover. Even a turnaround flight is usually a 12 hour shift. I used to be a right off the rest of the day when returning from a night flight. Hence I left the job when I had dc.

A pilot has a much tougher shift than a cabin crew. They often have layovers for flights that the cabin crew will do as a turnaround. They also need to have longer minimum rest periods.

Personally I would have arranged alternative childcare if you had an important event the day he was landing after a night flight.

You’ve worded it better than I could!

Anaesthetist. Similar shifts/responsibilities..I'd have got the hotel. Think the only way I'd have done your suggested option was if you'd personally had picked me up after the 3h taxi. Way too risky to fall asleep at the wheel. Yes it's annoying but that's what comes with being with a shift worker if haven't got alternative childcare unfortunately

Ok calm down.

What was the event?

A concert that you can’t attend again/ for years or something that you could book again easily?

If it was an hour or less home but for 3 hours I wouldn’t expect him to come home.

However it depends entirely on the thing that you had organised.