To think this is unreasonable?! Or am I out of touch

[Greehsa]

Mid thirties with one dc. I have a lot of flexibility with work so I am able to work remotely. My DD goes to nursery but one day a week my parents like me to take her over. It’s a bit of a drive but I work while I am there then finish off anything I’ve not managed to get done in the evening.

When I work on my laptop I need the room to be light otherwise I start to get a headache. My parents have gone mad recently when I’ve tried to put the light on, saying they don’t want the bulbs to go (they’re spotlights), it’s rude for me to turn the lights on etc. Being pretty nasty about it. For context they are not at all short of money (though they claim to be, they’re certainly not), their main issue seems to be that I’m ’telling them what to do in their home.’ I think this is insanely unreasonable?! I’ve explained calmly that when the weather is bad and it’s dull outside that the room isn’t light enough for me to work without getting a headache. I can’t imagine making this much of a fuss with my own DD if she needed to do some work! AIBU?

They want, they want, they want..you keep saying that OP. Have they always been controlling?
You need light to work, they don't want the lights on, this arrangement is no longer working. Put your DD in nursery and work from home.
They can see her when it suits you.
And paying for a day you're not using at their request is insane. Why are they calling all the shots?

You work 7 days a week?

Their reaction is ridiculous OP.

Buy a lamp

Just tell them you've been advised by an optician to use the lighting that you need otherwise it will cause eye strain and headaches, and that if they are not happy about keeping their lights on on a dull day that you'll just have to cut back on how often you visit unfortunately, or only visit on very sunny days. 😆

Yeah, I'd get a lamp, ask them if that's ok. Having said that, my parents would never have complained in the first place.

Stop going

Yes they sound bonkers and unreasonable. Just send her to nursery and tell the parents they can visit you on a Sunday for a couple of hours.

Beyond weird. I can't imagine my parents getting worked up over lights.

Desk lamp? Or drop off for the morning and work in local cafe ir library?

They sound like bullies

Are you paying them for childcare? If may just be simpler in the long run to pay for another day of nursery.

Maybe say when you are next there that you have an optician appointment as are struggling to see in the dark and want to get your eyes checked.

They are obviously being unreasonable and I would tell them that from now on, you'll be putting your DD in nursery for that day and you'll be working at home. They can't have it both ways - either they want you there and provide an environment in which you can work, or they don't. Let go of any guilt - they don't seem to feel any guilt for making your life more difficult!

Okay. Their reaction's selfish (and moderately bonkers).

Don't go over there. 🤘

It sounds oddly confrontational for such a small thing. Did you just put the light on without asking? If you'd said 'Can I have the light on please because I really need to finish this work and I'll get a head without it' perhaps they would have responded better?

‘Sorry, but I need to work when I’m at yours, and for that I need good light, which I can’t have, so I won’t be bringing dd over any more.’

Could they compromise and get a desk lamp for the room?

So either they come to your place or you go on non-work days.
Yes they are BU but you need to work around them

Just tell them calmly that if you can't work there, you can't take DD over. Full stop.

Stop going…..if they can’t accommodate your need for reasonable lighting to work when you take your daughter for them to have contact then simply don’t go, let them make the effort to visit you to see DGD.

This is bizarre of them. Could they instead collect her from nursery one lunchtime and you then collect her from their house at the end of your working day?

Take your own plug in lamp. Then no problem with their bulbs.

Can you not go and work upstairs in a spare room and have the light on there? Afraid i’d let them know that if they want to see DD they have to come to you where you have (I assume) a desk / appropriate set up. You are actually working and they need to understand that you need to ensure you’re not getting a bad back or a headache. At home, you’d just put the light on.

I’d let them say what they want, as ultimately it’s themselves denying a relationship if they do want to drive over and i’d say I am no longer working from there. The fact they are acting like you’re being rude when it’s to prevent headaches, then try and turn it around on you is bang out of order. Plus means you’re paying for childcare then having to work with your DD around. I wouldn’t be doing it any longer.

This is so sad to read. It sounds as though they like to create drama either way, and they have no interest in your physical health or wellbeing. What a horrible attitude towards your own child. I’d be extremely wary of how they treat your DD as they clearly have no respect for your opinion or wishes.

It's a bit odd - could you get a USB spotlight that plugs into your laptop?

I honestly think it’s an age thing. My parents (divorced) both in their homes never turn lights on. I have to request to turn lamps on like it’s some sort of novelty. As others have suggested, just stop going. They are being unreasonable. Spot lights are replaceable. Their time with their grandchild is not.