To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

I think you totally overreacted op, I have 4 girls and have had many sleepover with them acting daft and playing silly games, it would never have occured to me to send anyone home for this. I've seen these videos all over tiktok and it's just a bit of fun, I feel quite sorry for your daughter.

The water is something I remember doing with my mates 😂I would have made them clean up, but I would have asked for an apology for the rudeness and eye rolling and been very blunt if one was not forthcoming. I do not think you were unreasonable. Why are so many children so rude to adults these days?

What was the parents response OP?

I haven’t forgotten.

Ther is absolutely no way my mother would have allowed anyone to do that and make a mess in her house.

I am far more laid back but would expect it stopped cleaned up when asked. Not eye rolling and rudeness.

My ‘children’ are grown up but if my grandchild had been told to stop, then I would expect them to stop.

I work with 11 year olds, so these thread replies don’t surprise me at all. Every single day I hear adults say how incredibly rude or disrespectful a child has been. The eye rolling defence by parents on here explains why.

This is a TikTok craze but it’s still disgusting spitting.

Sure the DC parents don’t want respectful children in their house or there daughter mixing with them.

Tbf I cant see there being a next time. No way would me and my friends have wanted to stay at op's house again. I'd be embarassed to see her again at being kicked out, embarassed for my friend at having a mum that overreacted like that, but also just wouldnt have wanted to be there, we'd all be paranoid if we were a bit silly again so it just wouldnt be fun.

Far easier and less chance of weirdness to just give that house a wide berth and if i was the parent of one of the girls id be disappointed she acted in a way to get kicked out but would also be a bit wtf over it and just find it a bit of an odd household so probably wouldnt let her stay again anyway.

poor DD though, I feel so sorry for her 😫

@BunnyLake when you drink out of crockery, some of the liquid enters your mouth and exits again, thus getting “spit” on it exactly like this game. This is a daily occurrence for crockery and resolved through normal washing!

It’s not like they were hoiking balls of phlegm into her finest china.

Not accepting 11 year olds ignoring you and then rolling their eyes at you doesn't make you hot headed?

They were asked once
They were asked again

All OP got was ignored and eye rolls in return.

Good for her for not standing for it and ending the sleepover early. Sleepovers aren't a right and they got a consequence for their rude behaviour.

What a huge monumental totally humiliating for your daughter overreaction on your part OP.
When I was reading your op and got to 'game' as you put it, I was expecting it to be something AWFUL, not some preteens playing a perfectly harmless, silly and fun game.
You really really need to unclench.
Were you ever invited on sleepovers when you were young? Think back, what did you get up to? They are supposed to be, you know, FUN for goodness sake.

I would have pulled your daughter to one side and told her to stop messing about and find something better to do and if she didn’t that this would be the last sleepover she had.
I have a boy the same age and do sleepovers a fair bit with anything up to 6 boys for birthdays etc
My son knows the rules before hand and my expectations, maybe it’s a difference in genders but my son and his mates wouldn’t be playing such a weird game. The sleepovers he attends and we do here tend to involve a board game ( they cracked out the monopoly and snacks last time) food, a kick about outside, in for gaming on their devices that they bring and then to bed about 10pm with no devices so they just chat quietly until they fall asleep.
Ive never had eye rolling when I’ve had to tell them that they sound like baby elephants or that I can hear them yelling when they’re engrossed in their gaming. I usually get cheeky sheepish grins and apologies.
You shouldn’t have sent the home but equally because of the attitudes I wouldn’t have had the stay again.

Yes. I'm saying let the girls get on with it but I'd ask them to pop them in the dishwasher when they were done - which is our normal washing 🤷🏼‍♀️

I dunno, depends how much water I saw i think. Depending on my mood id either join in or let it go on for a few times then said "uh girls can you spit it in the sink or summat before we all drown" and laughed a bit to lighten it, but then got DD to one side and said turn it in now, theres the mop!!

I wouldnt have completely overreacted and embarassed myself mainly, as well as everyone else, thats for sure!

Yes pretty much this. As I’ve said in previous posts I wouldn’t have sent them home but I would have had private words later with dd about respect during sleepovers. My mum would have sent them home and can still remember how mortifying and embarrassing I found my mum on occasion as a kid as she was too stern and my friends would mock me for it.

Because of this I’ve always let my kids be very relaxed with friends here. I’ve never sent a kid home but there was one who wouldn’t respect my son’s toys and broke some. He was never invited back to the house again.

Yep in the OP … they were spitting the water into her soup bowls.

The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

If it had been buckets in the bathroom then I’d be less bothered about the game as long as they cleaned up after

Oh, right. So they were holding bowls to spit the water into and sometimes missed, not spraying her entire set of crockery with water.

Kids make mess, though, it's part of childhood.

As long as they clean it up, why is it an issue? It's just water.

I'm a strict parent but I think you over reacted.

Why not let them finish being daft then they could clean up.
Rolling eyes doesnt warrant being sent home.

Not accepting 11 year olds ignoring you and then rolling their eyes at you doesn't make you hot headed?

Correct.

What makes you hot-headed is to decide on a whim that you can't actually handle this behaviour from three 11 year old girls - one of whom is your own daughter.

So you need to ring the other parents and tell them the whole thing's now off and to come and pick them up.

That's hot-headed.

You do realise you've possibly ruined your child's social life? Nobody will want to come for a sleepover now and she will be left out of theirs too.

Absolutely ridiculous over some bloody water on the floor.

As for the pulling faces behind your back, were you never an 11 year old girl? I think as a minimum you owe your daughter an apology for your outrageous overreaction.

Does the trend also involve not stopping & cleaning up when asked & eye rolling?

She will have learnt something, but likely not what OP hoped.

I don't think you'll have to worry about sleepovers again, OP. Or too many of her friends over at your house in general.

How embarrassing for your child.

Yup. We want them to be child like, to ‘not grow up too fast’. Then punish for being that child.

very OTT

You told them twice to stop and clean up and they simply ignored you. Did they think you were just going to ignore them spitting over the floor? When you remonstrated with them their response was eye rolling and trying not to snigger. I just can't imagine showing this level of disrespect to one of my friends' mothers at a similar age and I wasn't an outlier for my time. I'd be horribly embarrassed if my child behaved like that when they were a guest in somebody's house. If your daughter didn't want to be embarrassed she should have stopped the game when told to and started to clean up. I just don't get the idea that parents have to constantly remonstrate and reason with young children about their behaviour - my mother certainly didn't think she needed to do so.

Like other posters, I would have let them carry on with their game because being silly is a big part of sleepovers at this age. I would have stayed in the room to 'supervise' the cleaning up once they were done and I would have told them that I had seen the eye rolling, wasn't impressed with it, and would be telling their parents about it. No way would I have sent them home.

OMFG are you serious..not only at 11 would I not be talking to you I'd want to go with live with my Aunt or grandparents..what the hell is up with you..grown adults play this GAME..its a GAME..where people have FUN..you know laugh enjoy time together..what you should have said there is,when you lot are finished mucking about make sure you clean all that water up cause ill be checking,hope you're all enjoying yourselves,do you need snacks or drinks ?? Soft drinks of course before you have a shit fit..