To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

No thats not part of it. The eye rolling is what can happen when 11 year olds think someone's mum has been a bit weird though.

And the not stopping when asked once to do so is what can happen when someone is 11 and just pushing boundaries a bit. Fairly normal, unless I suppose the kid is absolutely shit scared of their parent.

No it isn't. It's not accepting poor behaviour on multiple occasions.

I'd be embarrassed if my child was sent home from a sleepover due to such rude behaviour.

It’s not the game that bothers me or even the mess but I don’t think the eye rolling and ignoring instructions is acceptable. I would be mortified if my child went to visit a friend and was so rude as to eye roll at their parents and ignore their instructions. I would have no problem if they decided to send them home.

Of all the things they could have done🙈 . YABU and very over dramatic to of sent them home for this.

My 15-year-old came home from school yesterday, saying, “We played the ‘try not to laugh’ challenge’. My top is wet!”

It’s just a bit of childish fun, and you were so unreasonable. If you’d asked them to clean up when they were done and left them to it, they probably would have done.

I agree that was a huge overreaction to send them home, it’s just a bit of water, I’d have let them continue the game and mop up afterwards.

If one of my children got sent home from a sleepover for something as silly as that, I’d think twice before letting them go round there again.

Ok it seems I was BU with my reaction last night! Maybe i was too harsh sending them home. When I collected DD from gymnastics earlier one of the girls (who goes to the same class) apologised to me which i wasn't expecting

Why couldn’t they have done it outside?

I’d imagine there is age differences between parents who think their children’s friends should be respectful in someone else’s house, and those that don’t mind the eye rolling, ignoring requests and spitting into someone else’s crockery.

I’m of an older generation. I believe the game should have been played over a sink in the bathroom and then cleaned up by the kids when asked.

Either way I would only send a child home if they were causing actual danger.

If one of my children got sent home from a sleepover for something as silly as that, I’d think twice before letting them go round there again.

They were sent home for not stopping & cleaning up when asked.

If I was one of the friends there's no way I wouldn't have stopped & cleaned up when at someone else's house.

We were always allowed to push back at home but not at other people's.

Of course she did

She was probably told to by her parents who probably think everyone's behaviour was far worse than it actually was, for you to boot them out of the sleepover.

I'm glad one of them apologised at least. Was it the parents DD who was apologetic themselves?

Good that she apologised but she isn't going to want to come back to your house soon and your daughter may well get bullied for it.
I really hope she didn't get into massive shit with her parents over a non event.

Your poor kid, what was rhe harm in some water on the floor. It was hardly flooded. Why spoil their fun and try to stop it. Then go ott and send them home. How horrible of you.

I would have told them to clear it up too.

But. I wouldn't have sent them home, i would have got rid of them asap today, though.

Due to the eye rolling i wouldn't agree to them coming again, but i wouldn't be explicit about that with my DD, just say "no" if she asked again.

Probably forced to by her parent, due to your extreme reacrion. I think you should aapologise to your daughter,

This is possibly true. My mother wouldn't have allowed it and as such, mine wasn't really a hang-out house.

I swore I would never have my children thinking I was doing them a favour by allowing them to have a social life in their own home. Sometimes that means wincing a bit at things that aren't idea, but also aren't harmful.

Sometimes, I thought their friends were a bit much but I consoled myself with knowing that they weren't my problem and I could deal with it for a couple of sleepovers if it meant my kids were happy.

I would rather let them do their silly TikTok trend and clean up after themselves than make them stand outside in mid-January or worse, send them home for the heinous crime of thinking I was a fun sponge and being caught rolling their eyes in a mirror.

People will scoff at how unimportant it is being "that mum". But I can tell you right now it causes undue embarrassment and stress at already difficult ages for kids. And it's just not necessary to do that, IMO.

Same.

I wouldn’t have thought to behave in such a manner in someone else’s home because such behaviour wasn’t acceptable or allowed no matter the age and 11 is old enough to know better.

Not surprised your child isn't talking to you. They were just having some fun. The eye rolling would have annoyed me but pretty sure we were all kids once.

There are kids friends in my house causing some kind of low-level chaos all the time. I prefer my kids have lots of good memories with their friends when they were growing up rather than memories of a mum who couldn't relax from time to time.

The only thing you can do now is apologise to your child and explain why you did it.

trust Me, they won’t want to come to that house again.

I suspect she only apologised because her parents evening was ruined when you rang them to collect her!

Young kids are usually alright op. They are silly, daft, cocky, and disrespectful at times but thats part of growing up and learning.

Obviously there may be some that are absolutely perfect and always do as they're told but IRL that will be a minority (or as i say they are just scared of their parents).

Glad one of them apologised but do still bear in mind there could still be a bit of reluctance to be at your house again, which may or may not bother you but it will bother your DD. She'll be so embarassed about the whole thing.

I wonder if its worth apologising for reacting the way you did and asking DD how you can all help make amends with each other?

Despite their behaviour being annoying, I'd have said your peace, found an alternative space for them to play this game (even outside if needs be, until they grew bored). That way, setting boundaries but also letting your child continue with the sleepover. And maybe waiting awhile until the next one (or never). We are pretty strict, but I'd say you have over-reacted given it was a sleepover and children generally lots more excitable.

I think In that circumstance I would exit the kitchen,.enjoy hearing my girl laughing with her friends and tell them to make sure all the water is cleaned up.

Oh I didn't think of that, and that maybe the parents think something far worse must have happened. yes could be the girl was in huge trouble over this 😔