To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

ewwww no! Who wants spitty water all over their kitchen??!

yanbu, op @VictorBaucherOrSomething

it’s gross

It's absolutely no wonder schools are in the utter state they are in with this proportion of parents defending this behaviour

This was such an innocent game! Yes it made a mess, and id expect them to clean it up, but jeez they could be getting up to much worse than this! The girls rolling their eyes is just a bit of pre-teen sass, and they didnt disrespect you to your face. Definitely an overreaction.

Seriously though when I was a kid you just would not have disrespected the parents in whose home you were in. You just didn’t. I’ve already said I wouldn’t have sent them home but we would have been handed mops and told to clean up and play the game over the sink in the bathroom, and not spit into their soup bowls.

It was just a bit of water! The eye rolling was rude but you were being very heavy handed over a game.

I feel mortified for your DD. Kids can be brutal and she may well bear the brunt of your OTT kicking them out at school next week.

Yabu.

it just sounds like a silly, fun game. I’d have just told them to clean up when the game was finished. I’d have told them not to eye roll as it’s rude but they probably wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t overreacted.

Nice of OP to return to the thread...

Sounds like harmless fun to me. I might have made them wipe up after but wouldn’t have sent them home. Your DD must be so upset and embarrassed.

Is this level of hyperbole really necessary?

Truly, you really, honestly think that the entire education system is in a state because some parents wouldn't end a sleepover and send children home for a silly game and a bit of eye-rolling? Do you usually have such extreme views on things?

To have continued after you had told them to stop and clean up was very wrong of them.
Perhaps taking your own dear child into another room and explaining that you were serious so that she went and told them to help her clean up might have been better.

I dont see any evidence to support your comment on this thread.

I know my DC would have stopped when asked. I also would have just let my DC and their pals enjoy the game for a bit if it was a sleepover. Sleepovers are for a bit of silliness imo as long as they didnt go on for ages and cleaned it up themselves.

Im not generally uptight about daft things though tbf. Life's too short to live with a rod up my arse. I save that for my job where I have to be serious (unfortunately) 😔

Surely the only boundaries that should stop play are: (1) This is a risk to safety or (2) this risks permanently damaging property. Water in a kitchen is none of those things - I would have just laughed and asked DD to please lay down a towel and then made it a game, fastest mopper upperer gets all the ice cream, or something like that. I can’t imagine sending girls home from a sleep over for something so minor 😭😭

also, they could play the game outside if they want to spit everywhere

I wouldn't have sent them home. My dd is 11 and they often do slightly messy, silly games on sleepovers. Water in the kitchen or bathroom is messy but not difficult to clean up, compared to making potions / slime etc in the bedroom where there is carpet, etc. Once they / dd has to clean up, they usually calm down and contain it more.

But I don't blame you for wanting rules followed if this is your normal and dd knows it. Maybe next time remind dd before she has friends over, and warn her again if it seems things are getting out of hand. You can't watch them all the time and it's a good lesson at that age to be assertive and make sure friends do not misbehave at home.

I would also have stopped the game and supervised them clearing up.

It's a Tik Tok trend, lots of kids do it, your poor DD must be mortified.

They probably didn't see it as being disrespectful - they were just (in their eyes) playing a game and OP blew her top and sent them home over it.

Could they have been a bit more mature about it? Sure, but they're 11. They're pushing boundaries and seeing what they can (and can't) get away with.

I honestly think a lot of people on here forget what it's like to be a pre-teen sometimes.

They were playing a silly game, they weren’t out tagging properties or mugging old ladies.

Parenting is about picking your battles. She could easily have ‘parented’ well without chucking the kids out, pissing off their parents and alienating her own child. That isn’t good parenting.

How Embarrassing for your daughter. Are you always so unreasonable with your parenting?
Look forward to your post in 20 years asking why your daughter doesn’t speak to you!

Yeah I wouldn't have sent them home because they rolled their eyes. I'd have made them clean it up and said if you don't stop, then I'll send everyone home. I'd give them a warning.

Bit of an overreaction to send them home OP. A bit of eye rolling (when they didn’t think you could see them, not quite the same as being deliberately rude to your face) and silliness isn’t that big a deal. I’d had called your DD to another room, told her that you wanted the mess cleaned up. I’d have been pissed off at having to collect a child under those circumstances,

You didn't consider the other parents at all. If my kids are going on a sleepover I probably make plans for a rare night out or night in with DH. You ruined their evening without thought. Yes their children were being disrespectful but if it were me I would have considered the knock on effect of the phone call and it would have stopped me from going ahead. Don't be surprised if DD spends her time hanging out in other houses when she is a teen because she and her friends will be trying to avoid you.

Is your arse not incredibly painful with that stick wedged up there?

I'm a secondary school teacher and a parent of teens. I cannot imagine having such an overreaction over some harmless fun. If you have a wooden floor it would be fine to say "Girls can you do this over there or outside" but it's utterly batshit to control their fun to this extent. They weren't smoking, swearing or drinking. I can't imagine how embarrassed and humiliated your poor dd feels now.

I am not sure if I would have sent them home or not but I’d have been pissed off about it and would have got them to clean it up. It would depend on how good they were usually.