To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

My mum would have went mad if I done this with my friends at 11.

My parents were the type to say children should be seen and not heard. Even talking and laughing at the dinner table was seen as ‘messing around’.

However I remember how that felt and children only get one childhood. Therefore this wouldn’t have bothered me at all!

They could absolutely have been doing worse things than this silly trend.

I’d have sent them to the walk in shower 😂

The eyerolling is not cool, but you were being lame. Lots of parents would have been fine with this game. There are much worse things 11 year olds can be doing!

We had great hands off fun as children.
My favourite friendly mum would allow us make a mud rocks in the back garden, she would fill buckets of water and let us play in the mud for hours.

Having to ask them more than once, then them eye rolling was really rude and disrespectful - and I would have done the same thing!
Its not about the water - it's blatantly doing something the person hosting you has asked you to stop, then being rude about it when asked for a second time. How is that acceptable?

Can't believe the amount of people on here saying to just let them get on with it. No wonder there's so many rude and entitled little shits about. They learn it's fine to act like this!

Honestly, at 11 they could be doing so much worse than playing a silly game. I think you were a bit harsh there OP.

I’d have let them play their game and ensured they tidied up st the end of the game.

dont be surprised when your dd friends don’t want to come to your house or socialise with your dd due to your overreaction.

They were rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't have sent them home, as thir parents may have made plans such as date night etc. However, I would have spoken to DD the next day to let her know this is not acceptable behaviour and they won't be welcome for another sleepover anytime soon.

I think this is the crux of it, don’t humiliate your own child in front of their friends. This really is the take away for OP for the future. In awkward situations or ones that I’ve not been happy with regarding kids I have always run it by my child first (as in, do you want them to stay, do you want me to say something). The answer has invariably been no, they don’t want me to say or do anything, so I don’t.

I wouldn’t have sent them home for that. A bit stupid, but it was just harmless fun.

It’s water? I think you overreacted.

Like what? My mind is boggling over what terrible things eleven year olds might be up to!

This

If they doing it with soup you might have had a point. I would have told they all to clean up the mess and ask not to do it again…

Being silly is what childhood is especially at that age. The friends felt comfortable in your home and felt able to mess around as they do when they are overly excited for the sleep over. Sorry OP but think it was an over reaction on your part. I also would be thinking about the parents of the friends who finally have a night off and may have made plans.

Came on here expecting to agree with you, but ended up voting YNBU.
as a form of youth club leader I often used to play name that gargled tune icebreaker. Everyone took turns to gargle a well-known tune using water from a non-shared glass and spitting it into a communal bowel afterwards. Sorry I can imagine this is really grossing you out.
As for your situation- my take is They were children, it is Friday evening, they are having fun and unwinding. And yes, when they visit each other’s houses, they will go slightly mad. But, consider, if you think this is bad, how will you cope if teenage hormones result in behaviour manifested you don’t approve? Perhaps for your own sake manage your expectations. Yes, children do push against boundaries but if they think they are too restrictive, you may find they tear them down completely.

They’re kids! I’d never embarrass my daughter in front of her friends. I’d deal with it after the sleepover. Obviously unless it was something life and death related!

I think you did the right thing OP. There's a bit of a trend at the moment to allow really poor behaviour from children, and you're right - even aside from the disgusting game, eye-rolling is so disrespectful.

Perhaps if more parents had better expectations for their children, behaviour in schools wouldn't be as dreadful as it currently is.

Good lord OP! They were messing with water, not setting fire to your house whilst dancing naked round the garden shed!

Yes…you overreacted…massively!

I am a former educator and I’d usually be the first to agree behaviour has declined and yes it’s at least partly due to how they’re being raised.

I also wouldn’t have rolled my eyes at a friends parents at age 11 and I do feel that is possibly a sign of the times.

But equally, I feel OPs response was disproportionate and what’s wrong with modern society .

People have become so prickly and can’t deal with any inconvenience.

As a 90s kid most parents would have just had a stern word with their own kid and told them to make sure they fall in line OR warned the other kids directly. I don’t think they would be calling the parents to collect them at 9pm unless there was an emergency.

Basically they would’ve been robust enough to handle a slightly gross game and some eye rolling.

My mum was really weird about having friends over so it was really important to me that I had an open house policy for my own children’s friends. That ddn’t mean it was anything goes but I had a very flexible approach. They didn’t have to eat formally at the table with me, they could play without me micro managing them but if they didn’t work out as a pleasant guest they didn’t get re-invited.

I’d have said, girls go and play that in the bathroom please and shoo’d them out the kitchen. Then I would have just let them get on with it upstairs.

Garden's different, though. And presumably you were polite enough as a child not to roll your eyes at your friends' mums?

I would definitely have sent them home. They showed little or no respect for you . Well done you !

And i would sure as hell not have a child at that age roll her eyes at me,rude little madam

So for future refernce:
The first time you need to correct/explain/offer an alternative:
"How about we play this in the bathroom as I'd rather not have spit in the kitchen?"
"Can we stop using the soup bowls and use this washing up bowl/sick bowl/bigger bowl instead?"
"How about we clean this mess up and then pick a film and I'll make hot chocolate and popcorn?"

Then stay and make sure they tidy up

If they start playing it again:
"We said we'd stop playing this now. Tidy up and come out of the kitchen"

The eyeroll just needed a "I can see you and I don't appreciate that attitude"

Your reaction (and some of those on here!) was akin to them spitting in your face and calling you a c*nt tbh