To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

It was fine to get them to stop playing the game and clean up. It was really not fine to send them home, your poor DD.

So OP was acting like an arse because she told them to stop and clean up ? Righty ho.

They should teach their kids how to behave in other people’s homes, then.

You forgot the eye rolling.

I wouldn’t be surprised to see you on here in 6 months time complaining that your daughter is feeling pushed out the friend group and questioning why. You’ve massively embarrassed your daughter and kids are so fickle (and mean) at that age. Your poor child!

Never watched it, but if Miss Trunchbull believed that if an adult asked a child to do something, they should do it without being rude and disrespectful, then yes, probably. As a poster upthread pointed out, if OP was posting about an older child behaving like this she’d have been told she should have nipped it in the bud at an earlier age - uncorrected rude and entitled children make rude and entitled adults.

I'm team OP, it's fucking disgusting and disrespectful. I would have done the same, fuck them. My DD would get an absolute bollocking too.

Yeah massively OTT there Op. make them clean it up, but didn’t need sending home. They’re only 11, they’ll be even more stupid things you have to deal with in the future!

Just saw this update - kudos to you Op for recognising you got it wrong on this occasion, hopefully you can do something to smooth things over.

In that case, may I suggest you watch it. And read it.

The brittleness, the authoritarianism, the ridiculousness, it's all there!

On the floor. Are you keeping your floor to hospital sterile standards and regularly licking it?

Is it worse than the toe jam, shed skin, sock sweat that no doubt lives there often?

To me it’s a good excuse to give it a quick clean up afterwards.

Do you not remember what it was like to be a child? Peer pressure is awful. Her daughter could have very well wanted to stop and obey her mum but her friends could have pressured her into ignoring her mum. She could have been completely torn but, not wanting to lose face, chose to go with her mates rather than face potential backlash from her friends (mums are generally more forgiving, she could apologise in the morning).

By showing her up in front of her friends, OP has created a situation which could make school on Monday very difficult for her daughter. Kids can be cruel. If the friends tell other kids about OP's, outburst her poor daughter won't live it down. Granted those are not the kind of friends you really want your daughter to have, but you tactfully try to steer her away behind closed doors, after the event. Kicking off in front of them was not cool at all. A mortifying situation for a child.

OP was fully entitled to be annoyed at the game and especially at the rudeness but, for her daughter's sake, she should have risen above it at the time and disciplined her daughter in private the next day. She went from "stop doing that and clear it up" to "right, you're going home" in what sounds like a matter of minutes. Even threatening to send them home if they carried on ignoring her would have been a bit embarrassing for her daughter but at least it would have given the kids time to reflect on their behaviour and make the right choice, hopefully even apologise. OP did not do that, she went straight to the point of no return and caused a hugely embarrassing situation over something which really just needed a quick apology and move on. The other kids probably would have forgotten about their mate's mum having a bit of a moan after enjoying the rest of their evening/night. They're definitely not going to forget being sent home at 9pm. This will be very hard to move on from for OP's daughter. The ultimate humiliation over what was really just kids being giddy (albeit a bit rude) kids.

Massive over reaction from you. I wouldn’t have sent them home as I wouldn’t want my daughter to be talk of the class and embarrassed because of me. When I read the title I thought it was going to be something really bad. They were playing with water ffs.

Crikey. I’m sorry but you overreacted. I would have been firm and asked them to clear up the water but I wouldn’t have cancelled the sleepover!

No thanks, l’m happy with the way l am - don’t need to compare myself with a figment of some authors’ imagination which you’ve picked out of the air to fit your narrative.

They where having fun they wasn't hurting anyone and now you have put your daughter in a really crappy situation.

I think I would have laughed and told them if they want to spit water everywhere they have to play outside in the freezing cold.
With the eye rolling, this is fairly normal when kids are caught out and don't know what to do with their embarrassment.
I would have taken dd aside and had a serious word about making a mess and responding appropriately, and hopefully everyone would be a bit more thoughtful or she wouldn't be having any more sleepovers.

It sounds like you wanted to send at least one of them home anyway and this gave you a good excuse.

It’s not funny because you’re an adult (although I’ve seen this being done on social media and it made me laugh),but as a teenager of course it would be funny. Sleepovers are supposed to be a bit of fun.

I get you having an internal WTF moment but I’d have let them be, it was only water after all. I’d have told them to clear up when they’re done and left them to it.

Because kids at that age, especially girls, can be vicious. So if I were OP, I'd want to help my DD prepare for any negative reaction. And I think they should be minimising! It was a massive overreaction on OP's part to demand that the parents come and get them. I'd have been really hacked off if I were one of those mums and dads.

It’s not funny because you’re an adult (although I’ve seen this being done on social media and it did make me laugh),but as a teenager it would be funny.
I get you having an internal WTF moment but I’d have let them be, it was only water after all. I’d have told them to clear up when they’re done and left them to it.

I’d have had stern words to make sure they knew I was serious. I wouldn’t have left the room until it was cleaned up then I would have sent them to get ready for bed and put a film or something on when they’d done that.

Sleepovers are silly and 11 year olds aren’t great with impulse control when they’re with their mates and they’re excited. They’ll need adult intervention to de-escalate things at times, more than they would on their own at home.

Your daughter must have been mortified!!
I really feel sorry for her and what her friends will say at school.
Yes a bit of water on the kitchen floor is annoying and I agree, I would have made them clean it up too after the game, BUT sending them home was a complete over reaction IMO

Why can’t she manage that herself ? They all know what they did was wrong and the friends know why they were sent home. Any minimising of that, or worse still an apology will negate the punishment.

What do you mean "they all know what they did was wrong"? There is absolutely zero consensus on this, even among adults, as the poll above clearly shows.

I played lots of silly games at sleepovers. It’s just one of those things!
I’d like to think when mine are that age it will make me smile and remind me of childhood sleepovers and be glad they have friends to have fun with.
I think you need to apologise to your daughter and maybe have a quick chat with the mums and say you were overly stressed about other things and realised you over reacted and invite their daughters back. And then be much more lighthearted with them.