To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

I'm not sure the OP's daughter will confide in her about any blowback.

She knows now that her mum is prone to overreacting and may be worried about her storming down the school - all guns blazing.

You are SO fun! 😂

Why can’t she manage that herself ? They all know what they did was wrong and the friends know why they were sent home. Any minimising of that, or worse still an apology will negate the punishment.

You are SO fun! 😂

OK😂

We were a fun house for my kids growing up, it was the one their friends wanted to come to but no way would I have been okaying them spitting water all over the kitchen floor in the name of fun!

No. She knows now that her mum won’t stand for being disobeyed and disrespected, as do her friends. OP may well feel that she over reacted. That doesn’t mean she has to communicate that to her DD. They were punished for good reason and in my view the punishment was age appropriate and warranted.

I think we’re at cross purposes, maybe I was unclear, I said fine to the water play, then followed by them clearing up, then the dvd (to hopefully wind them down) x

Ooft mortifying! I remember playing that game also, including as a student with Aftershock 🤣. Water is much easier than Aftershock to clean up, let me tell you. Hopefully next sleepover (if there is one) they will quietly cross stitch in the parlor.

😂

When you watch Matilda, do you find yourself identifying quite strongly with Miss Trunchbull by any chance?

And they'll all know that their friend has a hot-headed mother who knee-jerks into sending them home, instead of dealing with childish 11 year old behaviour.

No-one is going to want to stay at that girl's house when word gets around, and no parents are going to want their kids in the OP's care overnight.

That's a lot for an 11 year old to deal with.

Your DD is only 11, you don't know eye rolling until you have gone through the teenage years. Personally I found it easier to ignore eye rolling and focussed only on rude language or behaviour. You have to pick your battles. They weren't even doing it to your face, you only happened to see it in a mirror.

But the OP has accepted she was wrong? Should we not apologise when we are wrong?

perhaps not but they are still the ones who continue to engage in bad behaviour in someone else's house despite being told to stop. No respect for authority at all.

If I was a kid who had been kicked out for being disrespectful I would have still gone back for sleepovers if I liked my friend. After all it is not unusual for kids to complain how awful and unreasonable their not awful parents are 😁 I’d have been more aware of behaving myself next time and my mum would have given me a telling off too (this was the days where you got told off by a teacher or parent then got told off again by your own parents).

When my 14 year old son had a sleepover they played this and asked me to join in!
It was great fun to be fair.

Nope. Nothing to do with being fragile, uptight or houseproud. Nothing to do with the nature of the game either. But everything to do with expecting your young child and her guests to do as they were told when asked, not have to be told multiple times, and then react in such a rude and disrespectful way. The fact that you are attributing that expectation to some sort of mental health condition is laughable.

Ok, Miss Trunchbull!

Blimey. Miss trunchbull indeed. Lighten up, it was a silly game, they were having fun and some water on the floor. It the op hadn’t been acting like an arse they’d not have rolled their eyes.

Agree. If OP wrote a post about a 16/17 year old that she asked twice to clear up some mess they had made in the kitchen and they hadn’t done it and rolled their eyes then a lot of the posters would
be smugly saying ‘you should have nipped this in the bud years ago.’ And telling her you reap what you sow. Basically she is doing now what hopefully will benefit her further down the line. I wouldn’t have done this, but I kind of wish I had.

It's nice to be daft.. at least they were laughing!! 😁

Agree that the eye roll was rude and you should have called them out for that, but I’d have told them to aim better or sent them outside to continue and got them to clear up afterwards. Just be thankful they weren’t making slime with your expensive conditioner, or making some other weird inappropriate concoction in the microwave - although my daughter was at primary when this happened.
When they start wanting parties when they are older be prepared to find food/drink all over the floor, being called in to clean up vomit - inside and outside, broken glass, bottles in places bottles don’t live (cupboards not trips to A&E places!), the inability of any of them to put their empties in the recycling boxes you leave out, and hundreds of half drunk cans, making sure the really drunk ones eat the baguettes to soak up the alcohol and hopefully prevent them throwing up, being emotional support for the emotional, crying child.
You shouldn’t have sent them home, I hope your daughter doesn’t suffer at school because of this!

I'm going to go against the grain. Its not just a bit of fun and a bit of water, its a group of girls continuing to spit all over your kitchen after they have been told to stop.

I might have made it clear I was going to send them home if they hadn't stopped, before actually sending them home, but I think you have every right to be pissed off.

Excellent way to alienate your child. Laugh and tell them to clean up and do it in the garden.

OP said she may have been a bit over the top, but the fact remains that they were rude and disrespectful and were punished for it. OP was clear on the reason, so to apologise for that now would be counter productive and confusing.

What a ridiculous non-sequitur.

One more time for the cheap seats at the back:

They were playing a game! They were having fun! They were happy! They were being 11! The "mess", i.e. a few mouthfuls of water, was the point!

No harm, no foul.

Well, except pretty big harm and fairly major foul now following the OP's lamentable freak out.