To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

I 100% agree with your response, if the game had taken place in the summer in the garden it wouldn’t have been a problem. Its yet another example of children being allowed to disrespect other people and their home. Well done for your action

Good Fri you op. The eye rolling would have been the final straw for me too.

And your DD not speaking to you?? She'll learn.

*for

The OP was completely out of control! Come on!

No I won't "come on!"

They were asked to stop & clean up & they decided to ignore & carry on.

Why should the sleepover go ahead?

They were very rude.

I’m torn, on one hand I think you were a bit harsh and could have used clever communication to stop them in their tracks, but on the other hand, good for you not letting them overrule you in your own house.

They won’t be doing it again, so at least give set a good precedent.

She was not OTT at all. The kids were told, twice. Behaviour still continued.

So a punishment was applied.

Adults have power.... because they are adults??? And know better than an 11 year old???

Lord of the flies anyone?

I think it was a really unreasonable reaction and I'm not sure it necessarily fit what they did.

How many times is reasonable for an adult to ask a child to do something before they actually take notice and do it ? How reasonable is it to ignore a rude gesture and what kind of message does that send ? It’s not the activity that matters, it’s their response to OP’s request.

The assertion that OP is the one at fault here is batshit. No-one wants ‘Debretts programmed robots’ as you so charmingly put it. But equally no-one wants badly behaved, entitled and disrespectful children, and nipping it in the bud now in an entirely age appropriate way will stop them from growing into badly behaved, entitled and disrespectful adults.

I wouldn't be happy if my son was at someone else's house, and thought it was acceptable to be spitting water all over the floor. They may have well been playing a game, and were supposed to be spitting water into a bowl, but they weren't! If they'd been outside, I wouldn't have had an issue at all, but I wouldn't have wanted water all over my kitchen floor!!

It's not about the water, it's about the lack of respect towards someone's else home. It's also about the lack of respect towards an adult, who isn't their Mum, who they ignored, when asked to stop and clean up the mess! I might have rolled my eyes at my own Mum, after all she's my Mum, but certainly not another adult in their own home - it's rude and disrespectful.

I wouldn't have sent the girl's home but I would have made it clear that their behaviour may be acceptable at home, but it isn't in mine. I'd have been mortified if my son had behaved so rudely to another child's parent, because he'd have been brought up knowing better!!

This is what I thought. Quite sensible to have bowls and in the kitchen!

Seems a harmless game to me and I think eye rolling comes with the age to be honest.

You're right, this is to do with manners. The OP's appalling manners towards guests in her house.

These children were playing! They were having fun! Doing something that 11-year-olds up and down the country are doing in their kitchens right at this very moment.

If the OP is so fragile, uptight and house proud (or alternatively mentally out of kilter) that she cannot tolerate a little bit of giggling and some water on her floor which can be swept up in minutes, she really needs to recognise that and not have her daughter invite her friends round, especially not for sleepovers where high jinks are absolutely essential to the fun.

See, whilst spitting a bit of water might be quite minor to a lot of people, I think that very specifically going against what they were asked to do by their host shows a fairly major lack of respect.

If I'm responsible for other people's kids, I need to be able to trust that they'll do what I ask them to. If I can't rely on that, then I don't want to be responsible for them.

Yes absolutely snacks and a dvd of their choice, it’s fun, it’s a sleepover, not detention! Like an evening having fun at a mates house is going to ruin them for life.

You don’t think this will be talked about at school?

You don’t think that this will be seen as an over the top reaction by the OP?
If you do, then I think you have forgotten just how childhood dynamics work for children at school.

Goodness knows how some of these parents and kids would have managed when my dad was a kid. He used to tell me when they were kids going to matinee showings at the cinema, there would be staff walking around with long sticks and they’d give you a whack if you were too noisy 😂 kids were tough in those days.

Yes with one, but I don't want to go into it, it's not overly relevant to what happened last night

Sorry I don't think YWBU. You asked them to stop and they didn't.
No wonder our classrooms are full of entitled brats.
They won't do it again.

Because dragging parents out to pick their kids up at what would've been getting on for 9.30pm, is extreme.

If you can't handle this sort of behaviour from a few 11 year olds, don't invite them for a sleepover.

Not that the OP's daughter would want to commit social suicide again anyway.

They were HAVING FUN.

Fair enough if the parental intervention was in some way justified or necessary.

But the OP imposed herself on a situation that was completely normal, harmless and really good fun and ruined the night for at least seven other people. (Quite an achievement!)

What a total kill joy. I am absolutely cringing at her conduct and feel desperately sorry for her kid.

I’d imagine the parents of those kids are the ones who have their phones on loudspeaker and their dirty shoes propped up on the seat opposite on public transport.

The brats in classrooms not the DD’s friends.

I don't think YWBU and if this was one of my kids, I'd damn well want to know about it.

Good you recognise you were OTT. How are you going to help your DD manage any potential blowback at school?

I would have sent them home, they were rude to you. Your daughter deserves to be
embarrassed, and I wouldn't sanction any sleepovers for a good while.

Fair enough, each to their own. I would much rather my kids were laughing and messing around with their friends (and spitting water all over our kitchen floor in the process), not zombied in front of a screen.