To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

Yes its the daughter of the parent who was apologetic. In hindsight my reaction was probably OTT but there are reasons for it which I won't go into, because they still don't justify my reaction

And a good thing too she apologised. Not sure if you think she shouldn’t have? If you are a guest in someone’s home you treat your host with respect. The fact they are 11 doesn’t mean they are too young to grasp that concept.

Try not to laugh challenge it was called when my dc were younger and sounded similar. I think it’s easy to want to parent but we are adults they are kids. It’s best to step back and let them have fun. As long as they tell you what they are doing no harm done. Plus they clear up the mess. I wouldn’t have sent them home but each to your own.

Calling children “cheeky little shits.” Wow!

Your reaction seems very ott.

Urgh, my dad did something like this when I was about 13. The girls all stopped being my friend and then bullied me until the end of school, genuinely ruined my life because of the bullying. I've never really forgiven him as my self esteem and confidence was shattered from it.

I think you were harsh OP, but your house, your rules.

I would have given them a cut off time, got all the stuff ready for them to clean up, told them they could then settle in front of a film/dvd with snacks which I bought them. Then I would say, “And Missy, that eye roll, that was rubbish. I’ll teach you all how to eyeroll like a pro, if this room isn’t as I left it, by the time I said.” Then I’d leave them to it. I’d have used my teacher voice for that.

You need to loosen up a bit, great to have boundaries and of course they’re necessary , but kids will be kids, and the next few years will hit you hard if you don’t pick your battles.

The attitudes on display on this thread are a handy explainer for why UK kids are the unhappiest in the OECD...

"Cheeky little shits", "rude", "disrespectful".

They were off their screens, having a giggle together! Behaving in a 100% age appropriate manner. What is it that you people want, dull little Debrett's-programmed robots?

OP, I genuinely pray that your kid's friendships are not affected by your behaviour. It is appalling that a child has offered you an apology in a situation where the fault is entirely yours.

Perhaps try to give some thought to why you have such poor self-control and such an instinct for knee-jerk authoritarianism? Have you been under pressure recently or struggling in some way?

Not everyone thinks that OP. I bet they’re better behaved for you going forwards! Sometimes they just need to see you being strict once or twice to gain a little more respect.

They were rude little madams for rolling their eyes and you would be well within your rights to inform your DD the next day that she's not having them back for another sleepover after that behaviour. However, you created a hugely embarrassing situation for you DD by sending them home at 9pm and I understand the other mum being a bit annoyed at being called out at that time of night for something which wasn't an urgent unavoidable situation, such as their child falling ill or having an accident. They might have been settled in their jammies by then, or might not have been able to drive if they'd had a drink. Sending them home was a massive overreaction. The situation could have been dealt with in the morning. You were very unreasonable and I feel for your poor daughter who must be mortified.

Wow. I would be mortified if my child deliberately and knowingly did something after they had been specifically asked to stop by the host.

It's a privilege to be invited into someone else's home, and that privilege can be revoked at any point.

Your poor DD - why, oh why would you do this to her??

Because she’s the parent and DD is the child. They were asked to stop and clean up. They didn’t. And OP caught them being disrespectful after she’d asked them again. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, and maybe at the next sleepover they’ll be better behaved.

It is appalling that a child has offered you an apology in a situation where the fault is entirely yours.

The child was asked to do something & didn't.

That's not on the Op.

Her DD needs to feel mortified, a short sharp shock is what she needs to realise that when an adult tells you to do something you do it.. They were asked to stop and were rude and disrespectful. If the parents were inconvenienced then maybe it’ll prompt them to ensure their kids behave themselves on other peoples homes.

@VictorBaucherOrSomething I think the fact one of the girls apologised shows you dealt with it perfectly reasonably

In hindsight my reaction was probably OTT but there are reasons for it which I won't go into, because they still don't justify my reaction

Were any of these reasons anything to do with the two kids you sent home?

The little shits, that was uncalled for but they were rude and disrespectful to the adult whose home they were guests in. Having fun doesn’t negate the need to have manners. I was taught manners from a young age and I taught my children manners pretty much from day dot. I wouldn’t have kicked them out.

"told them they could then settle in front of a film/dvd with snacks" 😂

Yes, absolutely, you're right, what children need is more screen time and more food. They're not sedentary or fat or screen addicated enough yet!

And you don't think she might have been forced by her parents to apologise?

Parents who probably think something much worse happened for the OP to lose her shit and send them home?

Good, if they told her to apologise that's entirely right

And there's no evidence that they think their child did something worse - not least because they presumably heard an accountant both from the op and their child

The OP was completely out of control! Come on!

Just because you have power as an adult doesn't mean that you get to throw your weight around like this.

And it's absolutely fine for teens to roll their eyes. They're allowed to disagree and challenge adults.

Reading some of the posts here makes you realise why kids are rude and disrespectful to teachers and why some of them behave so badly to their parents. Teaching manners isn’t an extreme sport, it doesn’t make you an authoritarian or a parent your child is terrified of. Kids can still have fun while being aware they are a guest in someone else’s house.

I understand that lots of people wouldn't have minded this behaviour. But the OP did mind it. You make the rules in your households, she makes the rules in hers.

All children should understand that when they are a guest they follow their host's rules - that's the bare minimum of good manners.

Seeing just how many parents think that their 11yo kids should get to decide the rules in someone else's house has at least been very informative for me as a teacher.

And you don't think she might have been forced by her parents to apologise?
Parents who probably think something much worse happened for the OP to lose her shit and send them home?

The daughter was sent home because she was asked to stop doing something & clean up.

She just ignored that & carried on.

Why shouldn't her parents tell her that she was wrong & she should apologise?

Why should they think that something "much worse" happened?

I don’t really feel this is acceptable, fine if you want to treat your kids so strictly but these girls were guests in her home and she chucked them out over something very minor and they are kids. It was incredibly rude of the op. Inconsiderate and embarrassing to her daughter.