To want to stay home.

[inthecornersofmymind]

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

Well, I'm not wild about crowds myself, but a trip to the local playground on a January Saturday with a four-year-old who needs some fresh air and a run around isn't going to be like Piccadilly Circus at rush hour?

So he can go to the park and find a quiet patch.

He sounds an absolute wimp.

Surely your husband and you should alternate taking the kids out on a Saturday? He doesn’t like the cold, crowds, many people, so what, who does?

😂I love this

Does your back garden have any sort of climbing frame? I found this quite useful when they were younger.

Then don't. There is absolutely zero issues with everyone being at home for one day!

It's be different if you were saying he was in his pjs on screens all day but you aren't.

And I would explain we aren't going out today and then leave him crying at the door. I've been there, I've done it before. Yes you feel guilty but with DC2, any cajoling, attempts to distract etc just make the update last longer. She sometimes just needs to be left to work through it herself and then she'll move on.

Most people don’t but they still do it for their children. Your husband is a lazy bastard who doesn’t want to spend time with his kid, your making a rod for your own back if you don’t stop it now and thats on you.

Absolutely.

He makes an effort when it comes to our children.

My 4-year-old asked for help with taking off his coat and shoes. I am glad that he understands we won't be going out today. He might be miserable for a while, but I feel proud of myself for not giving in to him.

He will probably ask again, but answer will be the same.

That’s a cop out. Is there anything else he opts out of like this?

I don’t like crowded or busy areas and I’m ND , but I still managed to take my goddaughters out when they were younger. Because it’s important.

And there are places you can go that are less busy, eg. certain museums first thing in the morning can often be less busy. I was at a museum last year with a friends kid and because it was so big and spread over multiple floors it didn’t feel crowded. Or some parks or libraries aren’t too crowded again if they are big or you go at certain times.

My coworker used to complain about her partner not taking their daughter out ever, and she was right to flag it as an issue.

When they split up a few years later you could see he wasn’t bothered about taking the kid out on his weekend with her. She would just be holed up with him in his new home with his new girlfriend.

Also had a friend whose partner is the same and when she was long term sick, the kids just didn’t go anywhere because it’s not his “thing”.

Not sure why you’ve accepted this state of affairs but it’s not great for the kids.

If you taje him out now you are re-inforcing his bad behaviour.

We have everything in our home and garden to keep our children busy, but our 4-year-old will always choose to be outdoors.

Doesn't your husband ever leave the house? Surely he could play with DC in the garden?

Also, my husband doesn’t enjoy being in crowded spaces or among many people, and I’ll always respect that

Why doesn't he take your son for a quiet walk then?!

It sounds like your husband has engineered things so that he can spend Saturdays at home doing his own thing for the whole time you've had kids!

The garden is outdoors, surely?

Yes good cheerfully help taking off his coat and shoes and offer an indoor activity.

Might seem weird but when my 3 were all small (3 under 5 at one point) and i was a bit at a loss for an activity i'd bung the bored one/s in a big warm bubble bath with toys for half an hour ...

relaxing and entertaining and resets the mood.

It is never too early for a child to learn that they don't always get what they want.

"No, it is too cold to go out today" is all he needs to hear.

Why are you facilitating your dh opting out of parenting ?

Wrt DH - can't he take him out and kick a ball round the garden for a quick half an hour? Then in for hot choc.

Your DH doesn’t like cold weather or outings? Is he some kind of Pekingese?
He doesn’t sound like an human adult.

Boys are like dogs and they need to go outside every day otherwise they start destroying the furniture.

So buy your DH a down jacket, a fleece hat, and some sheepskin boots and tell him to stop being so bloody ridiculous.

Either that or replace him with an upgraded model.

Your DH doesn’t like old weather or outings? Is he some kind of Pekingese?

😀😀

Sounds to me that he is parenting, by gaugi g the situation, making a decision and acting on it. The child has been told no, dad is agreeing with that decision rather than giving in to the by-the-door whining.

But it’s not too cold so that’s not true.

I think that it benefits dogs to learn not to totally rely on routine because stuff happens in life that means that routine can't be followed.

Then that expectation can't be met this time

And there may be many times in the future it can't be met either

I'm sure he has toys. He can play at home

What does his father do with his Saturdays?