To want to stay home.

[inthecornersofmymind]

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

@inthecornersofmymind

you and your husband genuinely do require it though

It really depends on your local area. CAMHS can sometimes offer play therapy, parenting courses, family therapy (with or without children present) etc.

In some areas these aspects are delivered by early help or family support workers. They can support the whole family to deal with challenging behaviour or other issues leading to problems with their children e.g. sleep or relationship issues.

I suggested young carers because whether or not your 10 year old likes helping, or is rewarded for it, he is acting like a carer. He has to carry your child, sleep with your child etc. Young carers offer support, and often fun actuvities with peers that understand. It also may well be that he feels he has to help if you can't manage the behaviours and your oh is unwilling to help.

None of this is a criticism. Seeking help isn't a bad thing at all.

Wake up @inthecornersofmymind you are the ones who genuinely need it. There are so many red flags in the post (under this user name) for your son and how he is with these things and trust me getting early help really does help.

This isn’t help for you it is help for your children and if you don’t want to rely on NHS services then pay for some private therapy for your 10 year old - we did early intervention for my DD privately and it really did make a difference

Our 10-year-old enjoys tennis, playing video games on his console, building with Lego (I recently invested in Lego coding kits for him), and reading; he views these activities as 'therapeutic' for himself.

You are the one who requires it. Your situation is unbelievably messed up.

If I were you, I wouldn’t interact with the OP any further. I think they’re trying to rage bait us all. I have reported this to mumsnet admin. Clearly a 10 yr old child doesn’t make decisions about what is ‘therapeutic’. Bananas response.

So the fact he sees them as that is telling.

What your 10 year old needs is someone to talk to whether that is through the school and any form of ELSA scheme, through CAMHS and any Mindworks equivalent, someone in early help or a private therapist he needs someone neutral because his anxiety is already showing through and based on what minimum you have revealed you can see why

and trust me early intervention and support helps and it can spiral and boy can it spiral quickly

you seem to think that there is either shame in the above or somehow having the money means you don’t need the above

Our 10-year-old does, and I would appreciate it if you refrained from comparing him to other children his age.

We're all about making sure our boys are well-educated, and my husband feels strongly about it.

Naturally, our 10-year-old has the final say on what counts as therapy, because who needs a degree when you have a Lego sets?

Why do you not want him being compared to other children his age? Is it because you view him as far superior to other children his age?
Rest assured I also feel strongly about the importance of education; my 12 year old is on an academic and music scholarship at a selective independent secondary and my 10 year old has just been offered the same.
Even wealthy parents can struggle with parenting 🤷🏻‍♀️. Parenting is also about far more than providing a good education.

I agree that Lego is therapeutic. It's brilliant. In fact lego therapy is an actual thing.

However.. it doesn't allow him to get real support for his role as a young carer. It doesn't provide support for the really odd (likely quite worrying) family dynamics. It doesn't help parenting or provide input for behavioural management for his younger sibling.

The fear of social services and the likes is often because families are so reluctant to get help until its far too late.

I had wonderful support from the disability spcial work team and family support (CAMHS locally are useless though apart from for the diagnosis aspect).

Actually I’m out. You’re just taking the piss now 😂

Exactly, it’s pure rage bait 🤣 never heard such nonsense in my life. Particularly when peppered with my husband feels strongly…

What makes you think I feel like our child is superior to others?

I believe that no one is superior to anyone else, and I hope our children will share this belief and mindset.

I'll always ensure our kids stay humble, nice, and have good values.

No two children are alike, and it is important not to compare one child to another of their age.

Congratulations to you and your children; I wish them all the best.

You're not even making sense at this point.

Are you a big drinker, OP? @inthecornersofmymind

Do you rely on your husband to resolve the situation every time your son misbehaves?
If so, think about how your son is going to learn that he has to listen to you? All he is learning from this is that his dad is the one who is in charge and not you.
It is really important that you both equally manage these situations.

No, I don’t

the fact you don’t want him compared to children his age speaks volumes, you clearly pride yourself on the idea of having a well educated highly intelligent boy who you perceive to be more intelligent than his age.

Here is the thing you can be intellectually advanced and you can educate your way through that.

But social and emotional intelligence is completely different and one that rarely if ever is higher than age and often when intellectually advanced is lower.

You are adulting a 10 year old boy putting hat too much on him and his understanding of therapy and failing to see what you are doing

I hope you are rage baiting and making this up OP I really do otherwise I feel for your son

I can't see why you'd believe I'm trying to provoke anger or fabricating this.

It just gives me the impression that people frequently come to this site and fabricate stories.

I do not expect our 10-year-old to take on adult responsibilities; I rarely ask him to help with his younger siblings.

At times, he seems to get quite frustrated with his younger brother's actions and believes that, being the oldest child, he has the authority to step in.

Another example

This morning, our 4-year-old turned into a little drama king over his shoe choice; he insisted on wearing crocs, so I decided to let him for the sake of an easier life.

He got him to apologise, which he did right away.

As we drove to school, our 10-year-old said his brother is 'quite naughty and spoiled' and questioned if he behaved that way at his age.

This has got to be a joke/ rage bait?

I bloody hope so, otherwise both kids have more chance of living on the moon than growing up to be a fully functioning adults. Crocs in January for an easy life? 10 year old brother being the one to set behaviour standards? Both parents delusional and/ or disengaged?

In real life, surely anyone would be perceptive enough to realise that serious help is required when the only competent parent is a 10 yr old child 🙄

No need to be rude to this poster.

@inthecornersofmymind

pretty much all indoor swimming pools are heated. Why don’t you know this, OP?

Is this a language barrier, different culture or rage bait? Either way Admin need to step in. Something is very amiss here.

I'm honestly not sure it is. There are people out there who genuinely seem to struggle with basic everyday life.

The thing I’m getting here is a delusional person or someone who’s winding us up.
E.g. Naturally, our 10-year-old has the final say on what counts as therapy, because who needs a degree when you have a Lego sets?