Page 19 | To want to stay home.

inthecornersofmymind · 2026-01-10T13:12:26+00:00

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it. They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears. I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door. My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt. I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside. As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to. Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax. Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 14/01/2026 22:42

inthecornersofmymind · 14/01/2026 22:08

I've mentioned before that I don't need my husband to join us on day trips; I enjoy going with friends or school mums instead. I'm confused about why you’ve asked if we take turns.

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Are you indeed? Do you realise how odd that sounds? I said it as you said you didn’t want to go out. Dads do take their kids out. Having since read the thread, your DP manages to go skiikng but can’t put a coat on and take his child out for an hour. Also, the way you talk about your 4 year old is quite odd. He’s only 4, I can tell you now, he’s not simply being naughty, there’s a reason he wants to get out and stay out, from your other thread about your relationship problems I can guess why he’s running away or not wanting to enter his house. Your replies to many on here who are actually trying to be helpful are simply rude!

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 14/01/2026 23:01

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 14/01/2026 22:42

Are you indeed? Do you realise how odd that sounds? I said it as you said you didn’t want to go out. Dads do take their kids out. Having since read the thread, your DP manages to go skiikng but can’t put a coat on and take his child out for an hour. Also, the way you talk about your 4 year old is quite odd. He’s only 4, I can tell you now, he’s not simply being naughty, there’s a reason he wants to get out and stay out, from your other thread about your relationship problems I can guess why he’s running away or not wanting to enter his house. Your replies to many on here who are actually trying to be helpful are simply rude!

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He runs away because he loves spending time outdoors. Once settled, he is okay.

I would start to worry if I found it difficult to calm him down and he was in distress, or if our other children also disliked being at home.

Can you share an example of when I came off as rude?

OP posts:

GalaxyJam · 14/01/2026 23:19

inthecornersofmymind · 14/01/2026 23:01

He runs away because he loves spending time outdoors. Once settled, he is okay.

I would start to worry if I found it difficult to calm him down and he was in distress, or if our other children also disliked being at home.

Can you share an example of when I came off as rude?

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Ooh I can! Telling people they lack common sense if they take their children swimming in winter.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 08:00

inthecornersofmymind · 14/01/2026 23:01

He runs away because he loves spending time outdoors. Once settled, he is okay.

I would start to worry if I found it difficult to calm him down and he was in distress, or if our other children also disliked being at home.

Can you share an example of when I came off as rude?

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Telling people you’re confused when they make perfectly normal helpful suggestions, this is passive aggressive rudeness. It’s like you had a very set idea of what we all should respond. This strikes me as very odd. The more replies I read, to get more context, the more odd it got, especially when I read your other thread about your relationship. You child of 4 wants to be outside, yes because he likes being outside, but also because of the bad atmosphere, children don’t just play up. They read everything going on in their home. If you think otherwise you’re incredibly naive.

Also, you didn’t respond to most of what I said just there, you keep repeating the same kind of thing tunnel visioned about what the problem is. Your problem is your husband is unhelpful, checked out, you’re stressed and struggling to cope. Go and get some help. Your son will the start improving in his behaviour.

GalaxyJam · 15/01/2026 08:44

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 08:00

Telling people you’re confused when they make perfectly normal helpful suggestions, this is passive aggressive rudeness. It’s like you had a very set idea of what we all should respond. This strikes me as very odd. The more replies I read, to get more context, the more odd it got, especially when I read your other thread about your relationship. You child of 4 wants to be outside, yes because he likes being outside, but also because of the bad atmosphere, children don’t just play up. They read everything going on in their home. If you think otherwise you’re incredibly naive.

Also, you didn’t respond to most of what I said just there, you keep repeating the same kind of thing tunnel visioned about what the problem is. Your problem is your husband is unhelpful, checked out, you’re stressed and struggling to cope. Go and get some help. Your son will the start improving in his behaviour.

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‘I’m confused as to why you asked me this’ basically means ‘shut up and stop asking me uncomfortable questions that I don’t want to answer’.

vanillalattes · 15/01/2026 08:48

GalaxyJam · 15/01/2026 08:44

‘I’m confused as to why you asked me this’ basically means ‘shut up and stop asking me uncomfortable questions that I don’t want to answer’.

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Exactly. OP knows her husband is a major issue but doesn’t want to admit it so just ignores everyone who mentions it, or repeats the same shit over and over about how it’s apparently acceptable for him to constantly opt out of life when it’s cold or he’s tired.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/01/2026 09:44

This op has been posting threads about her situation for yonks
they always follow the exact same pattern
Posting is a complete waste of time and energy

OwlOwlOwlCat · 15/01/2026 10:01

I say this with kindness OP (as I think I recognise you from previous posts under a different username), but I think MumsTheWordYouKnow is right about you looking at this with tunnel vision.

You've mentioned several things as though they're normal when they're not, like your husband never wanting to do anything mildly uncomfortable even though it would support you and benefit your children, and your 10 year old having to get involved with lifting your 4 year old into the car because you feel you can't do it. But the whole point of this thread - your 4 year old wanting to go outside - is actually a perfectly normal thing for a child to want. So (and again, I mean this with kindness) but I think your perspective and focus is skewed.

You've also said this in relation to you not asking your husband to do things that are uncomfortable: He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

I think from what you've said on this thread and previously, your husband and you are both very anxious people, and that is making you rigid and inflexible. You're enabling each other in your anxiety, because neither of you expects the other to deal with it for your children. And this is how you get in the situation of your 10 year old needing to step in because your husband won't and you say you can't. My advice is you both need to talk to a counsellor, because you can't live your life, properly parent your children, without getting a grip on your anxiety. It's damaging to you and it's damaging to them.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 10:10

OwlOwlOwlCat · 15/01/2026 10:01

I say this with kindness OP (as I think I recognise you from previous posts under a different username), but I think MumsTheWordYouKnow is right about you looking at this with tunnel vision.

You've mentioned several things as though they're normal when they're not, like your husband never wanting to do anything mildly uncomfortable even though it would support you and benefit your children, and your 10 year old having to get involved with lifting your 4 year old into the car because you feel you can't do it. But the whole point of this thread - your 4 year old wanting to go outside - is actually a perfectly normal thing for a child to want. So (and again, I mean this with kindness) but I think your perspective and focus is skewed.

You've also said this in relation to you not asking your husband to do things that are uncomfortable: He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

I think from what you've said on this thread and previously, your husband and you are both very anxious people, and that is making you rigid and inflexible. You're enabling each other in your anxiety, because neither of you expects the other to deal with it for your children. And this is how you get in the situation of your 10 year old needing to step in because your husband won't and you say you can't. My advice is you both need to talk to a counsellor, because you can't live your life, properly parent your children, without getting a grip on your anxiety. It's damaging to you and it's damaging to them.

Hope you're having a good morning!

I promise you that I had never made a post on this site until recently.

Saturday was the one day that I refused his request to go outside; as I've mentioned before, I wasn't feeling up to it, and the boys had a variety of entertaining things to do indoors, so boredom will never an issue for them.

I don't consider myself an anxious person, and if I did, I would have managed it for the benefit of our children.

What do you think I should do next? I do believe I would also benefit from parenting classes.

OP posts:

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 10:30

OwlOwlOwlCat · 15/01/2026 10:01

I say this with kindness OP (as I think I recognise you from previous posts under a different username), but I think MumsTheWordYouKnow is right about you looking at this with tunnel vision.

You've mentioned several things as though they're normal when they're not, like your husband never wanting to do anything mildly uncomfortable even though it would support you and benefit your children, and your 10 year old having to get involved with lifting your 4 year old into the car because you feel you can't do it. But the whole point of this thread - your 4 year old wanting to go outside - is actually a perfectly normal thing for a child to want. So (and again, I mean this with kindness) but I think your perspective and focus is skewed.

You've also said this in relation to you not asking your husband to do things that are uncomfortable: He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

I think from what you've said on this thread and previously, your husband and you are both very anxious people, and that is making you rigid and inflexible. You're enabling each other in your anxiety, because neither of you expects the other to deal with it for your children. And this is how you get in the situation of your 10 year old needing to step in because your husband won't and you say you can't. My advice is you both need to talk to a counsellor, because you can't live your life, properly parent your children, without getting a grip on your anxiety. It's damaging to you and it's damaging to them.

Totally agree with all this! Reading the thread of OP’s responses to posts and her other thread on her relationship, I’m getting a strange sense here. Is this rage bait? I’m no longer engaging with OP as her responses aren’t really engaging with us on any level plus she keeps repeating things whilst ignoring the bigger picture. It feels like a robot is responding. ‘Hello how are you, what do you think I should do next?’ Repetitive posts that are not responding at all to the content of our messages. Very odd indeed. I’m now suspicious.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 10:43

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/01/2026 09:44

This op has been posting threads about her situation for yonks
they always follow the exact same pattern
Posting is a complete waste of time and energy

I wouldn’t be at all surprised, there’s a whole pattern here. If I were to talk to someone in real life, I wouldn’t be able to communicate with this person, there’s something totally off here. Are we being led down a garden path. Is there something not right otherwise with OP…

Tiswa · 15/01/2026 10:44

@inthecornersofmymind definitely parenting classes

Therapy would help as well

Loom at the dynamics in your relationships especially where your 10 year old is concerned he is showing some signs I think of being deeply affected by this and forced into roles he neither wants nor should have

GalaxyJam · 15/01/2026 10:47

Your 10 year old is parentified because neither you nor your husband are able/willing to parent your 4 year old effectively. For his sake, you need to get help together. However your husband has made it clear to you that he isn’t going to change his behaviour, and that any therapy/parenting classes etc will be down to you alone. You say you’re happy with this as you don’t expect him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. That is not a healthy dynamic for any of you, especially your children.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 10:47

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/01/2026 09:44

This op has been posting threads about her situation for yonks
they always follow the exact same pattern
Posting is a complete waste of time and energy

Can you post a link to one that doesn’t contain this name so we can take a look as an example?

sunshine244 · 15/01/2026 11:20

It sounds like everyone involved in this situation has exceptionally rigid thinking. There's a lot of issues with anxiety, not coping with routine changes or transitions, inability to consider the wider situation etc.

I think play therapy for your children would be useful. Perhaps a CAMHS referral for the youngest. Maybe referral to young carers for the oldest (because they are being expected to do a lot of emotional and practical support by the sounds of it). Social services early help might be useful too. Or some areas have family support workers that can help with behavioural issues and parenting.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 11:53

sunshine244 · 15/01/2026 11:20

It sounds like everyone involved in this situation has exceptionally rigid thinking. There's a lot of issues with anxiety, not coping with routine changes or transitions, inability to consider the wider situation etc.

I think play therapy for your children would be useful. Perhaps a CAMHS referral for the youngest. Maybe referral to young carers for the oldest (because they are being expected to do a lot of emotional and practical support by the sounds of it). Social services early help might be useful too. Or some areas have family support workers that can help with behavioural issues and parenting.

I believe play therapy will benefit our four-year-old.

Your suggestion of CAHMS and social services confuses me. For what purpose would I reach out to them for help?

I would never seek assistance from any NHS services for myself or my family, especially when there are families who genuinely need it and cannot pay for private care.

Our 10 year old is not expected to do anything, he likes having some responsibility being the oldest and is always awarded for it.

OP posts:

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 11:54

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 10:47

Can you post a link to one that doesn’t contain this name so we can take a look as an example?

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I am keen to check out this thread as well and await the link to the post.

OP posts:

GalaxyJam · 15/01/2026 11:59

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 11:53

I believe play therapy will benefit our four-year-old.

Your suggestion of CAHMS and social services confuses me. For what purpose would I reach out to them for help?

I would never seek assistance from any NHS services for myself or my family, especially when there are families who genuinely need it and cannot pay for private care.

Our 10 year old is not expected to do anything, he likes having some responsibility being the oldest and is always awarded for it.

Show quote history

Do you find that you are often confused by things OP? A lot of the suggestions on this thread have confused you.

vanillalattes · 15/01/2026 12:03

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 11:53

I believe play therapy will benefit our four-year-old.

Your suggestion of CAHMS and social services confuses me. For what purpose would I reach out to them for help?

I would never seek assistance from any NHS services for myself or my family, especially when there are families who genuinely need it and cannot pay for private care.

Our 10 year old is not expected to do anything, he likes having some responsibility being the oldest and is always awarded for it.

Show quote history

You seem very easily confused 🙄

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 12:15

sunshine244 · 15/01/2026 11:20

It sounds like everyone involved in this situation has exceptionally rigid thinking. There's a lot of issues with anxiety, not coping with routine changes or transitions, inability to consider the wider situation etc.

I think play therapy for your children would be useful. Perhaps a CAMHS referral for the youngest. Maybe referral to young carers for the oldest (because they are being expected to do a lot of emotional and practical support by the sounds of it). Social services early help might be useful too. Or some areas have family support workers that can help with behavioural issues and parenting.

Don’t worry you won’t get a reply, except to say, it’s fine as long as my other children aren’t distressed. My son likes going out… 🙄

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 12:17

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/01/2026 09:44

This op has been posting threads about her situation for yonks
they always follow the exact same pattern
Posting is a complete waste of time and energy

Actually don’t worry about posting a link, the OP wants to see and we all know where that will lead. I think I’m going to report the OP for wasting our time and rage baiting us.

Fuckoffjanuary · 15/01/2026 12:21

As I've said before, I agree with a PP that Early Help would be very useful to you. If your LA is like mine you would get a specific person stepping in, to help you and your family identify your issues holistically. They can refer you to parenting classes, offer hints and tips and be there to support you for aslong as you need it.

In all honesty OP, if you carry on down the route you are going and refuse to change anything other than adding more pressure to your 10YO when your 2YO develops their personality, you may well end up with compulsory SS involvement. Better to reach out for help and make changes.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 12:21

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 12:17

Actually don’t worry about posting a link, the OP wants to see and we all know where that will lead. I think I’m going to report the OP for wasting our time and rage baiting us.

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I'd love to read it, so please share.

OP posts:

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 15/01/2026 12:23

Fuckoffjanuary · 15/01/2026 12:21

As I've said before, I agree with a PP that Early Help would be very useful to you. If your LA is like mine you would get a specific person stepping in, to help you and your family identify your issues holistically. They can refer you to parenting classes, offer hints and tips and be there to support you for aslong as you need it.

In all honesty OP, if you carry on down the route you are going and refuse to change anything other than adding more pressure to your 10YO when your 2YO develops their personality, you may well end up with compulsory SS involvement. Better to reach out for help and make changes.

Edited

I have no need for referrals, as I've said before; I'd much rather see the help and support given to someone who genuinely requires it.

OP posts:

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/01/2026 12:24

OP reported, let’s see what they make of it. I’ve seen some odd threads on here, but this takes the biscuit.