To want to stay home.

[inthecornersofmymind]

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

I was just wondering OP if you’ve resolved the marital issues you mentioned in the thread you started on the 7th January?

montessori is actually recommended for children with addit needs. As they are basically doing what they would with children with autism already then no they wouldn’t notice a lot of the warning signs that if he’d been in normal school and a lot of the kids who go to Montessori are undiagnosed autistic- a lot of parents prefer that they aren’t and just choose a different school that they can cope with. The fact your son is fine at school and not at home is another red flag. Autistic children do often behave better at school due to the routine and consistency and then at home they act up because that’s where their safe place is

OP what if you wanted a Saturday off? Like to go on a child free outing with your friends or something? Or even go away with friends for a weekend on a hen do or something, or to visit family who lived away etc etc? What then? @inthecornersofmymind

@inthecornersofmymind

i also think it’s really sad that the kids don’t even bother to ask if their dad will be coming out with them on a weekend because they know what the answer will be - he doesn’t want to.

Don’t bother asking - several of us have asked that but OP just ignores everything that means she’d have to admit her DH is actually a waste of space.

I asked my husband if he could settle him since he listens to him, but he replied that he 'can’t deal with that tonight and that he is tired' and told me to just put him in with our 10-year-old.

By in with your 10 year old do you mean in the same bed? Or in the same room?

Either way is your 10 year old OK with this? If my kids can’t sleep they come in with one of us, not one of the older kids. It’s not fair for the older kids to have to have disturbed sleep either.

I think you’ve said that your 10 yr old also lifts your 4 yr old into the car when he won’t get in too.

Honestly I don’t want to sound mean but have you considered whether the arrangements you have with your DH are fair on your 10 year old? Because it sounds as though your DH gets to opt out on demand but your 10 yr old then has to step in, which I don’t think is fair at all.

It isn’t fair, and will be contributing to the issues with the 10 year old that the OP mentions in her other thread. I suspect he is a bit ‘parentified’ and feels like he has to be in a position of responsibility at home due to his father’s inadequacies.

@inthecornersofmymind your husband expects your 10 year old to handle his child rather than himself.

Stip making excuses life particularly parenting is about compromise and yes involved doing things you don’t want to do for the benefit of others

Our 10-year-old is fine with sharing his bed with his brother, given he falls asleep and doesn’t disturb him.

He mentioned he won't always share and must learn to sleep alone.

I have gone on weekend trips with friends while my husband has looked after our children.

Some of you seem to think I don't have a social life because my husband doesn't take care of the kids, but that's not true.

Whether I want to take a trip by myself or with friends, I will go.

No, it hasn't happened yet. I am still currently exploring therapy options.

Did he take them out though? Or did they all have to stay in all weekend because he doesn’t like cold, and the crowds (except when skiing)?

But what if you go for a trip and the weather is bad or he’s tired? Does he actually take your kids out and parent them or does he expect the 10yo to do it all?

I don’t understand why people think a 4 year old gets to call the shots! In my house they would be told no we are not going out today…end of! You will create an entitled little monster if you give in to whining and crying. A day indoors in rubbish weather does them no harm at all.

Thank you; I really appreciate what you said.

At first, I believed I was doing something wrong, but there are days when I simply want to stay at home.

The thread has moved on a lot from that.

Yes. The OP is very selective as to which posts she responds to!

Isn't she just?

It sounds like she knows her DH is a bit shit but isn't ready to admit it yet.

@inthecornersofmymind if you go away for the weekend and your DH is tired and it is cold, how much parenting goes on, or is the 10yo the default 'parent'?

She won't answer, several people have already asked and been ignored 😉

You’ve got a garden, so he can play out there.

I wouldn’t give in to the tantrum. He’s been told what his options are. Giving in will just kick the problem down the road.

This all happened on Saturday so the ship has sailed a bit!

I appreciate the advice, even though I started this thread on Saturday.

I’m glad to share that today has been a totally stress-free day; our 4-year-old happily came inside the house this afternoon after nursery.

Now, he's fast asleep in his own bed. I worried he wouldn't want to sleep there tonight after refusing last night.

The only thing left for me to do now is get our two-year-old used to sleeping alone, which I intend to start tackling next week.