Parents want to take grandchildren away

[Olive72]

My parents live abroad for several months a year. We visit them every summer and they are back in UK a lot too. We are close as a family and they are very involved with my DC. This included 5 days a week 8-4 free childcare before DC started school and drop off and picks ups every day since. They didn’t start living abroad until youngest started school and always come back if we need them to have the kids.
We are planning to go over again in the summer and they have asked if they can fly home and pick up the kids 2 weeks before that and have them until we get there. I have said No but feel I may be being unreasonable. Opinions would be very much welcomed

I think you should reconsider. Some of my happiest childhood memories are the times we spent summers in Ireland with my grandparents. My mum and Dad would drop us there at the start of the holidays and depend a week with us, then they'd head back to the UK until September when one of them travelled over to collect us.

We loved the freedom we had there and the more relaxed atmosphere and I'm sure my mum and dad appreciated a few child free weeks!

I don’t really see the big deal either but ultimately it’s their decision. We still FT every couple of days and the 2 weeks when they visit will be amazing. Maybe when the little one is a bit older they will reconsider. I totally understand it’s a long way away if something were to happen

Like others I posted in good faith. Advanced search shows you are the grandparent OP. Wasting people’s time and I’m starting to realise why your son’s wife doesn’t want you to have the children.

It’s a reverse by OP’s admission!!!!

how can we answer the question when op paints herself as wonderful etc. I think the mum was right to say no. No way should someone capable of this kind of “trick” be trusted with the kids.

Exactly this. I’ve done a reply, and then see it’s a reverse ffs. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Exactly this.

But I didn't realise the OP was lying to everyone about all of it, until after I posted that.

And still, MNetters are posting in the good faith, thinking she's telling the truth.

I would LOVE to hear the parents side of this.

Totally.

It’s not so nice to describe your DIL as over protective. And give yourself such a glowing write up.

I agree you do A LOT of childcare and have gone over and above but that doesn’t mean you can make demands on your grandchildren’s time.

Theres probably practical stuff she need to do in the holidays. Like sort through bedrooms, chuck out toys, clothes that don’t fit etc. Then buy school uniform and shoes. Maybe visit other family or friends.

It's a while since I have read a reverse!

I think two weeks is too long but a week could be great for all involved.

Also the OP describing herself as a wonderful grandparent 😆 ok then.

It was purely to see what opinions would be offered from people who had been in this situation. I don’t think “tricking” people would affect our ability to Grandparent. Sorry if it offended you. I just wanted honest feedback so I can understand why DS and DIL said no. I don’t think it would have been as constructive if I posted the other way round

Not much point now it’s reversed is it?
I can’t remove the quoted post so apologies to that poster.

Then it's pointless as none of us know the mother's reasons for saying no to you.

She is over protective by her own admission. We are close and we do talk. She said she can’t be without the kids for that long which I totally get. And I couldn’t paint myself as an ogre when I was doing a reverse. But we are good Grandparents and I am proud of that

So you think telling a pack of bare-faced lies is the best way to get 'honest feedback' from others?

Righto.

If you'd told the truth in the first place, instead of giving you and your husband some sort of grand parenting medal, a lot of MNetters would've pointed out that your grandchildren's parents obviously view the situation differently.

Now seen it’s a reverse! What about suggesting that the chikdren stay on st end of parents stay if they’re happy with set up - they can see the house, the temperature etc and May be happier - maybe suggest one week

The only reason is that she would miss the kids too much. We regularly take them for weekends in caravans when we are back in the uk so no safeguarding issues etc

That’s balls! It’s not constructive when it’s a reverse. It’s just a fabrication. You state the step child’s father has no problem with him being away but you don’t know for sure. You don’t have full onsite into why your DIL has said no. It’s all just misleading.

Is there not a compromise here? Two weeks is understandably too long for your kids to be away without you, especially if it’s the first time they’ve stayed there without you and especially for the 6 year old. You are definitely not unreasonable to say no. But could the children go a few days before you? You could then see how they get on for the 3-5 days, and if it works for everyone maybe next year it could stretch to a week. If you enjoy having the kids with you for the holidays then 2 weeks without you does seem unnecessary, but trying a few days seems reasonable.

So you were a granny at 37? Sheesh.

I think if your DIL is a teacher, perhaps she treasures the holidays as the only time to spend time with her children. I am very suspicious of your motives. Why do you want to have them so much? You will already be seeing them for 2 weeks. Are your family Cypriot? It seems quite far away to get a holiday home if you are so close to your grandchildren.
Most importantly you can’t say you are wonderful grandparents. Others may not think so.

No I was 42. Eldest is a step grandchild

I'll give the opinion I would have given before reading the full thread....

I think you sound like brilliant grandparents and they are lucky to have you, but I wouldn't want to be a 3-4 hour flight(?) away from my children or away from them for that length of time. Perhaps that's selfish if the children would love it, but I'd really struggle with this. DS11 has stayed at his grandparents overnight since 3 months old, so it's not that I don't ever leave him.

It’s not that we want them so much. Just thought it would be lovely for the kids and give DS and DIL some time together. And obviously lovely for us too. They love visiting when they all come together

Yes to the idea but no to the proposal.

For me I think 2 weeks is a long time for the first time and you might underestimate the strain of kids 24h a day for 2 weeks. My aunt and uncle had their grandchildren for 10 days whilst they provide regular childcare for the grandchildren. They were surprised by how knackering it was to have the kids during the day and not having the evening and night to recharge. It was fine for the first 3 or 4 days but by day 10 they were very much ready to be grandparents again and not parents.

I think I would start with parents going home for a few days early and then flying them home later. Parents could take most of their clothes back so you can travel back with hand luggage. Or the parents could have a few days break in a near by country.
Alternatively offer to stay at theirs for a few days for them to have a few days away in the UK.

For me there is a difference between having a child regularly during the day and having them for multiple nights. I'd want a grandparent and child to have coped with incrementing number of nights before committing to 2 weeks away. What would you do at 3am when one of the children was home sick and wanted a cuddle from their mum or dad?