Parents want to take grandchildren away

[Olive72]

My parents live abroad for several months a year. We visit them every summer and they are back in UK a lot too. We are close as a family and they are very involved with my DC. This included 5 days a week 8-4 free childcare before DC started school and drop off and picks ups every day since. They didn’t start living abroad until youngest started school and always come back if we need them to have the kids.
We are planning to go over again in the summer and they have asked if they can fly home and pick up the kids 2 weeks before that and have them until we get there. I have said No but feel I may be being unreasonable. Opinions would be very much welcomed

I can be very over protective and like my kids with me

Except when they were being looked after the grandparents five days a week (for free) and the grandparents do all your school pick ups and drop offs (for free), and all the other times you "need them to have the kids" (for free).

Given the amount they do for you and your children I think you're being stonkingly unreasonable to say no. They'll be in a familiar environment with people they love.

Ask yourself what is best for your kids. Then do that. If you are wanting to keep them home for you that’s the wrong reason.

I don’t really know. Just the thought of being away from me for 2 weeks. They are like 2nd parents for the kids tbh

Haa my daughter goes to Ireland alone for at least a week every year since she was 1.5.
ive dropped her and left her there and parents bring her back (husband and I went to Glastonbury twice while she was away 😆

or sometimes they pick up and bring her back and one of us goes back for her

now she’s in school she’s going to them for a week at Easter and 2 weeks in summer

we have no help here and struggle to cover the school holidays

She’s super excited to go and even went awww only a week i want to stay 2 weeks when i told her about her Easter visit !

what’s your reasons for saying no?

If you know that the kids would have a great time and want to go, and that the grandparents can deal with a bit of homesickness if the kids did get that, then I would say yes.

Sounds like a fantastic opportunity for grandparents and kids and if, hand in heart you are only saying no because you would miss them, then thats a bit selfish

If they are sensible and responsible, yes, I’d probably be comfortable with that, but maybe let’s start with 5-7 days first. They are only 3 years older than me and my dc are that age! I’d be perfectly able to manage.

Our parents, no, would absolutely not be able to cope. They are 70-80 and just about managed an overnight a couple of times ever. No regular childcare and are not especially sensible or able to cope with anything. But young responsible grandparents they have a good relationship with, yes, I’d consider it.

Is this a reverse because in previous posts @Olive72 has said she’s a grandparent

Why don’t you go too! if I was a teacher and off for the summer I would be in the 5 bed house in Cyprus

Hi @Olive72, given that you seem happy with your DP's caring for the children and don't have any concerns could you maybe suggest a week with DGPs, then your whole family break together and a final week with DGPs? Just thinking that minimises the time you're apart to a week at a time but gives DGPs the two weeks as well?

I actually agree with this. You were happy for childcare when it suited you.

Now that the grandparents want it for themselves to have a little holiday with the kids, and it sounds like they would love it, you don't want it to happen.

I wouldn't see a problem with that, from your post they've practically been as involved as their own parents in their upbringing, the only possible issue would be your eldests mother not being ok with it, what's your relationship with her like?

I am the mother of the eldest. Separated from his Dad. He would have no problem with it.

Was just coming on to say similar. A bit of give and take!

I don't understand the relationship between your eldest and the grandparents. If it's your child then how is it their step grand child?

Yabu the kids will love it, it's a brilliant plan.

Then I think it would be really nice of you to allow them this visit, you can face time and talk every day if necessary, I bet the kids will love it.

I think if they were doing 5 days a week with them (8-5) and then before and after school, they are practically their second parents so I'd try try really hard to make it work given they have been so involved.

The kids would love it too so me missing them would be something I'd try to shelve.

They can clearly be trusted and presumably aren't far away if you needed to be there urgently? They aren't in Oz are they?

I think that sounds lovely for your kids. Mine are now teenagers and they wouldn’t want to go for two weeks, they want to se friends so while they’re at a good age sounds great. However it depends whether you feel like you’d actually want a rest or not? Maybe one week rather than 2 as I’m guessing you still want time to do fun stuff with them in the holidays? Still there’s another 4 weeks of holidays, sounds like a good balance.

Those are two different issues. Nobody is ‘owed’ time with children - their best interests have to be the main priority.

None of my children would have been able for, or wanted, this at 6yo, OP - two weeks is a long time at that age and they would have really missed me. I think a compromise of 5 days at the beginning of the holiday might work.

Wonderful opportunity for all 4 of them.. the kids will remember it all their lives.
You are being entirely selfish.

Providing you get a 'yes' from the Step child's parent and the kids, what about them going for one week, instead of two. It's a fair compromise for everyone as it's the first time away.

Am I missing something? You’ve said they’re your parents (not PIL) but if you’re the mother of all the kids then there’s no step child for them to treat any differently?!

I would never ever say no in that case!
if you divorced you’d have to get used to 1-2 week holidays away from your kids.
if you can’t get the time offf work, wouldn’t your kids prefer being in Cyprus in the heat being spoiled by those who love them and know them so well to being in school holiday childcare?

Yabu. What a kind offer from the grandparents. I would say yes in a heartbeat

I'm with you, I wouldn't like to have had mine at that age abroad without me, and I've amazing and involved parents as well.
It'd be nothing to do with trusting them, as of course I would, I just wouldn't have wanted the kids thousands of miles away.