To have walked out the house and left DP to his mood.

[Dreamscapes]

Every January, DP cuts out alcohol and sugar, which results in him being really moody. He has been insufferable for the last few days, grumpy, snappy. We have 3 children; his older two, teenagers daughters, and a one year old together.

A couple of days ago, I made an appointment to have my nails done today and get the two older teenagers nails removed (they are now back at school and aren’t allowed nails). DP offered to look after our one year old, then later remarked it would mean he would have to miss his hobby - golf. He wants to play every other weekend, which I feel is too much, so it’s already a sore subject.

Golf has been a contentious issue because he is out of the house from 8am - 4.30pm, essentially the entirety of Saturday. I also work, so it feels like an extension of my working week, caring for the one year old alone. In exchange, he has offered to pay our nanny for an extra day so I can also ‘have a day to myself’ which I haven’t agreed to as it seems selfish, it’s a lot of money and I’m not sure I want our one year old with the nanny another day just so he can play golf and I can go off and do my own thing.

Anyway, this morning I returned home from the nail salon with the two teenagers, having obviously taken them to the appointment and paid to have their nails sorted. Within five minutes of being home, DP decided we were both going to sort the toddlers toys out (and also made a statement about how much he’d done that morning, which I ignored). As we were sorting the toys, our toddler got stuck behind the sofa and began to cry. I asked him if he could move the sofa for me so I could get our toddler out safely. At that point he exclaimed, ‘For fucks sake, what do you do when I’m not here?’

I replied, ‘He’s never done this before. You are being very unpleasant, you are much better when you are drinking and eating sugar. The teenagers have also complained about you being moody, so if you’re going to continue I’d rather you went out for the day.’

He then stated, ‘well I can’t go anywhere because I’ve missed golf.’

I said, ‘you can go anywhere, just stop being moody and talking to me like that, I haven’t done anything wrong.’

He responded, ‘Well you’re annoying me.’

I replied, ‘I haven’t done anything, what have I possibly done to annoy you?’

To which he responded, ‘I haven’t got time to go through everything you do that annoys me.’

I then said, ‘If you aren’t going to go out then I will.’

He said, ‘Go on then.’

I’m now sat in a cafe having a coffee.

AIBU?

Of course you are not being unreasonable

id be rethinking the relationship, I’d not want to be with someone who thinks that little of me speak to me like that

also I know nothing of golf but what on earth does it take nearly 9 hours !!! I’d be very suss about what / who he is really doing

OP, ask yourself if you really want to spend the next X number of years living like this.

He sounds downright disrespectful.

He is genuinely playing golf, the reason it takes so long is that they have breakfast in the club house and don’t actually start the golf until gone 10am, then play 18 holes, then have drinks afterwards.

Also if alcohol and sugar withdrawal has this dramatic effect in him I’d be concerned about his consumption

Enjoy your coffee away from the big baby wanker ❤️

He’s vile.

What do you want? A lovely husband that doesn’t exist? What do you feel is feasible?

He has a terrible diet which is mostly sugar (chocolate, cakes, biscuits) so when he cuts that out, not only does he have sugar withdrawal but he also has very few things he will actually eat, which I think makes it even worse.

He probably has about a dozen beers a week.

It's concerning you think you need to ask to be honest!

I hope you took your poor one year old with you.

He's not going to change @Dreamscapes

I would seriously consider your future with him, is this what you want for the next 17/18 years whilst your child grows up?

Take the day today for you, don't go back til much, much later. He can parent his child for the day, just like you do whilst he's off playing golf.

Teen step daughters and a one year old with you.

Can I ask out of interest how old is he? And how old are you - approximately?

ETA: and how long have you been together and are his kids primary in his custody?

id be hurt he didn’t want to spend that time with me , we all need a break but thats a loooong regular break - also i bet he’s not an arse with his mates !

His parents are coming over so I’ve no concerns leaving the one year old.

I am 28 and he is 39.

He needs to have his intake in moderation rather than withdrawal.

He’s like this every January. The other 11 months we get on mostly fine with the occasional argument, he’s insufferable in January.

Yeah I thought so.

You’re young, and he’s approaching grumpy old man territory. Not saying 39 is old but I feel it’s when a lot of men start being like grumpy old men. 😂

Golf every second weekend really isn't much to ask and he's offering you a day off too.

I'm not sure what you want to be honest. He's sacrificed his golf so you can get your nails done which is very much an unnecessary luxury. You obviously weren't up for cancelling your precious nails so he could play golf....

He doesn't sound like the selfish and uncompromising one.

If this is just him from now on I’m running!

I would have taken the one year old with me, it was him who offered to look after him then moaned about it.

I'm still not sure I would have left him supervising such a young child when he's in such a reactive mood. Hopefully the teens or his parents will look after him.

I would be making plans to leave to be honest.

So not only is he a decade older than you but he doesn’t take care of his health. Sorry this doesn’t bode well.

I assume he’s roped you into looking after his daughters a lot of the time too.

He's maybe projecting, acting as if you are useless without him when it sounds as if he is the one who needs you.

It sounds like he’s done very well out of getting a younger woman to help parent his kids. And you say partner so I guess you’re not even married?

This is why I tell young women in their 20s without kids to run like the wind from older men especially ones with kids.

Men try and take the piss generally but I feel it’s another level when age gaps are involved.

DP offered to look after our one year old,
He's that child's other parent so he's parenting not babysitting.

But that leads me onto who parents the two teenagers normally - you as the default or him as the real father? I know the answer actually, you've picked yourself one of these useless waste of space, lazy twats haven't you I would seriously consider walking out permanently.

His parents arrived 10 minutes after I left (I checked the Ring doorbell), so really no worries there. He won’t behave like this in front of them so there clearly is a level of self-restraint. He obviously thinks he can get away with talking to me like that.

After you've done a nice thing for his girls as well. ❤️

He sounds like a gem. Eats terribly, drinks, spends a quarter of his weekends without his family. I can see why he's on wife #2.

What I can't tell is why you signed up for the position. I don't think you need to cut and run yet but I'd be talking to him about more sustainable changes to his diet and accepting that with a one-year-old, he can't golf as much as he would like.