DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

As long as he is contributing as he was before ( paying of the mortgage) . I can’t really see the issue are you not happy for him ?. Sounds like he had a stressful job and should enjoy his early retirement.

I’d ask him to carry the load a bit more at home - school runs, cooking, laundry etc but otherwise not a problem.

Sounds fair enough to me.

The only thing I'd be concerned about is he might not want to return to work after a year off.

You pay your utilities, insurance and council tax out of that last £100?

Well, the alternative would be that he doesn’t pay off the mortgage and continues to contribute from his retirement sum. Which doesn’t seem to make sense.

I’d just see it as him having paid his share for the year “off” in advance tbh, as long as it doesn’t mean you need to pay more than you otherwise would have done.

It's all well and good saying he's made his contribution, but does that mean the op has to continue working and infinitum so they can eat and pay the gas and electric, i.e. live. These bills never have an end point

Does there become a point where the DH starts contributing to these so they are joint expenses and not just the OP's?

Is he contributing anything? Food etc?

Does there become a point where the DH starts contributing to these so they are joint expenses and not just the OP's?

Yes, after a year according to the opening post.

But will it, or will he decide he's onto a winner and just not get a job again?

I guess that's a retorical question as far as we're concerned but it's something the op and her DH need to talk about

Who pays for food? Does the £100 cover rates, gas and electric etc?

And I think it would be perfectly fair for OP to say “fine for a year, but then you need to start paying again”

Quick route to becoming decrepit, retiring with little activity in place.

can he just have the spring and summer off, then work part time in a less stressful role

How old is he? Intending to get a job in a year sounds like someone in their 50s rather than 60+.

I read op post as they currently contribute £1000 pounds each, so £2000 in total, £900 of which is mortgage. Her DH will reduce this by paying off mortgage leaving Op to pick up all bills and food of £1100 per month.

Maybe fair in the short term but will he be able to get a job after a year to contribute?.

How’s be going to fund the next 30 years with his ‘small pension’? That’s more worrying.

Yeah I think that would be fair, especially if he's stressed/burned out and needs a sabbatical, although I'd ask him to pick up alot more domestic chores so you can have some downtime too!

I think it's reasonable that you should feel a bit resentful that your DH will soon be in a position to give up work for at least a year, while you have to continue the same old routine in order to pay the bills.

However, it does sound like he's earned a rest, and the fact that the mortgage will be paid off, does offer you BOTH major security. The first thing I would want to work out, is whether the money that you currently contribute to the pot, would be sufficient to pay all the bills, food, running vehicles, etc.?

If not, then it would be better for your DH to find a part time job with little to no responsibility/stress, but something that would earn enough that he can at least top up your contribution so that paying all the bills, doesn't end up putting you under financial pressure. This would also free up some extra days when he can totally relax and indulge his hobby.

Can I ask what, if any, age difference there is between you, and when you will be in a position to retire OP?

While you have both been working, you are paying 50/50. I’d be very clear that you are happy to continue this arrangement for the next year as the mortgage is paid but that eventually you’d like to go back to 50/50 bills and living costs because it’s not fair for one to keep working while the other does nothing. This means the pressure will be off him a bit as bills are lower but you are not being pressured as sole earner.

Be excited for the next year.
Choose DH to be the main person for the children's interests.
The year will fly and in another year or two you will be back 50/50.

How much is your 50% of the mortgage he is paying off? If it means it saves you years of payments then I really don't see the issue especially as you have said his job was stressful and he's seen some unimaginable things which have now taken their toll on him.

So at the moment it is 1k each? Is that right and his payout will enable him to pay off mortgage so bills are just your 1k

Thanks everyone- yes we pay £1 k each into the joint pot so £2k total for mortgage and bills.

I would continue paying £1k per month so the same as now (the £100 that would be the difference would mean some luxury items not in the shopping/ no weekly takeaways so is manageable).

He is 55 I am 48.

He deserves to take it easy as he’s worked hard but I am feeling it’s not fair I keep working in my stressful job (but I do enjoy and no lump sum and shit pension) while he can have daily lie ins and relax enjoying bike rides and suchlike. He has always said over the last few years he’d be a house DH and I can be the earner but I like being with the DC when I finish work and he hates school runs so I do them around my work and before/ after school club which the tax free help will stop when he stops work although school runs aren’t for many more years (had dc later on).

I have not shared any thoughts with him yet but I need to in preparation at some point - I just don’t want to come across spoiled or entitled as him deciding to put HIS money for the mortgage is a big deal compared to him choosing to buy a new car, new golf gear, lads day out etc

Thank you all for different views.

Is he in the emergency services by any chance? I know a loooot of fire fighters who took early retirement, spent a year or so dicking about and then came back to the service in back of house or administrative roles. It's quite common.

What will your monthly bills be without the mortgage? Is it possible for you to reduce your hours a bit too? If not he needs to be picking up all the slack at home if you're going to be the breadwinner.

He’s 7 years older than you - surely you knew he was going to retire first? I don’t see how this can have come as a shock?

Sometimes one person pays more . Sometimes the other in our house I dont tot it up and if I had to kerp my DH for a year I wouldnt care. For me a partnership is swings and roundabouts. Im notvtslking about someone seriously taking the piss snd leeching off the other person, but generally I dont think it matters.