DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

I assume you were replying to this bit of the post you quoted

If he is not working he does everything round the house Monday to Friday cooking, cleaning, the kids, garden etc while you work 40 hours. Weekend chores can be shared. It won't be much of a retirement for him but do not agree to do chores on top of his job while he enjoys his hobbies.

As was I. I agree with this poster and I believe the expectations for a SAHM with kids out of the house all day at school would be, and should be, the same. But it's a moot point cos clearly OP's partner is going to do absolutely fuck all.

Op?

No, he was on an old scheme which allowed you to retire after 25 years' service from 50.

He was fairly senior, District / Area Commander, so his pension is close to the upper threshold. If he were to take on a full-time role, he'd be paying 40% of whatever he earns in tax, which isn't necessary given his decent pension, so he'd still be contributing to the household without needing to work. His wife will need to work for a couple more years before she can join him.

Not ignoring that would be my condition; his pension will clearly cover the expenses either as a lump sum or as a monthly amount, which people are trying to argue is not the case...

So if he wanted to retire, he would have to pick up the strain of running the household and supporting the children.

The post I was replying to was about someone aged 51 retiring on full pension.

Whenever there's a thread from a SAHM asking for advice on sharing chores, it's pretty much:
The husband should do his share after work and should be 50/50 because the SAHM works all day at home too.

Just because he brings in the money, doesn't excuse him from housework etc.

Even posts saying don't do his ironing, let him cook his own food etc.

All ridiculous in a marriage.

No it’s not. Not for school aged children certainly. Many, many posts say the SAHM has to do most of the housework during the week and most of the shopping and cooking. 50/50 for any additional housework and childcare that needs to be done at weekends. Different when you’re doing 100% childcare of very small children. Much harder to get all of the housework done as well and unreasonable to be expected to do all of the evening childcare especially when not having a full amount of sleep.

The OP’s husband doesn’t have young children to look after. He only has to indulge his hobbies while the OP works. It’s fine for her to work but he has to pick up the slack at home. Completely unfair for her to be the only one going out to work AND doing the bulk of the domestic load or even half of it during the week.

My husband left his job with no job to go to encouraged by me as it was killing him with the stress. I persuaded him to take 6 months off minimum; I took on all household expenditure (we had just finished paying our mortgage) whilst he had some breathing space and indulged in his hobbies. After 6 moths he got a low grade job with no stress and part time. It paid for some shared holidays and weekends away but I carried on shouldering the bigger load. Quite honestly I never felt resentful as he was happy and to me it was part of being in a partnership. Admittedly if he had expected me to also do the home stuff as well I might have had to have some strong words but I never did. He automatically took on housework, cooking, gardening, shopping etc which left our weekends free an. dI arrived home from very busy days to a prepared meal! Again partnership to make something work for both parties.

We have always treated our money as joint though which might have made a difference

Agreed, however, if he wants to be a house husband, he also needs to do the childcare, etc. Sounds like he wants to be a bum for a year and pick amd choose his jobs. It doesn't work like that. Can you imagine a housewife/female saying I'm taking a year off, not running around after the kids and will only cook twice a week and iron weekday clothing. I'm also paying one large bill that may or may not make us square for the rest of my life and then I'm done.

Personally, I think he should continue to pay monthly so as not to impact their lives. He's already sticking her with an extra £50pm, and not taking into account any increases going forward. The kids are young at the minute but their needs will grow as will the expense, then what? What about unexpected repairs? I don't see why he can't take an 'easier/less stressful' job and still have some.level of income. Realistically, he could live another 45 years and impact the quality of her retirement.

It’s not too young to retire if you’ve worked hard and built up a pension. And I say this as someone who hasn’t built up a particularly good pension, is 60 this year, and still working full time. I would’ve loved to have retired at 55 like all my civil servant and teacher friends did.

Late replying because I didn't spot this until someone quoted you above.

1. Who are you to tell anyone what age they should retire at?

1. Why would anyone carry on paid work that they don't love if they don't need to for the money?

1. Do you realise that "retire" means "stop paid work", not "stop living"?

1. Why can't I get MN to stop buggering up my numbered lists 🤣

I hope the OP got things sorted because her situation was very unfair.

I agree the age thing doesn’t matter, if you have a brilliant or for that matter lucky career and end up with plenty of cash in the bank good luck to you finishing early. But you need to have a plan with your partner and family and OPs hubby seems to want to just give up on doing anything which he can’t do. If he wants op to work whilst he is off then he picks up housework, cooking and childcare.

for me and hubby we are approaching 55 both are currently working full time and have civil service pensions locked away from a couple of years ago. We can both draw early if we like or wait till 60. Currently looking at options. But we have no mortgage left and youngest is 16 so not the same level of responsibility as OP.

actually thinking hubby continues as he loves his job, has great management and benefits and no point claiming alongside his pay due to higher rate tax. But I was already considering going down 1 day a week due to helping with Grandkids and wanting to spend more time doing the cooking and baking and gardening I used to. So if I take mine early it supplements my income and I get a lump sum. Waiting on figures to make a decision.