DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

This is really interesting as if things work out financially I"m planning on doing pretty much the same as your DH when I hit 55 (just scraped into being able to do it at 55 instead of 57), and DH is 7 years younger than me with very little pension provision as he's never prioritised it. We've discussed it vaguely and he's really pleased for me that I'll be able to take some time off after working full time in stressful roles for 35+ years (nothing like frontline services though!). I've supported him when he's been out of work and when he was making a go of being self employed that ultimately didnt wotk out, at times I've been the main breadwinner at times he has. Once I've had some R&R I fully intend to return to some kind of work and have plenty of transferable skills so I'm not too worried, amd from what others are saying it sounds like what he wants to do to is fairly normal for his profession?

Paying off the mortgage is a huge thing and will bring security for you both. People are saying 'what if" about you losing your job etc - talk to him about those concerns and work out a plan of what you would do if that happens. But dont be petty about him taking some time off, sounds like he's earned it. Perhaps keeping his lump sum. in the bank and continuing to pay his way out of that, then paying off the mortgage after his 12 months of not working might feel more secure?

That’s over ten years away.

Also, op says she’s also in a stressful job. On the basis that they’ve been married the same length of time, doesn’t she deserve a year off as well?

( and he may not have been working seven years longer if he did a degree, post grad etc, ).

How much is the mortgage? How many months of your contribution is it Equal to?
I think if I were you I'd also be saying I will also have a year off the household chores and be making it clear if he isn't working then he has to contribute more at home.

I work in a completely different but very stressful world. We are going through a transformation that is seeing a lot of people made redundant; many of them in mid 50s. Although people talk about taking 12 months plus out the reality is a lot of them pick up some form of paid or voluntary work a lot faster. I’d say the detox period before they get restless is more like 3 months than twelve. It may well be that your DH realises he doesn’t need twelve months.

Financially it all sounds like you can barely afford the current plan without exposing your future selves to risk. I’d be open minded about this plan but ask that you get a wealth planner/IFA to do a review of your joint finances to advise what’s achievable and what the future implications of this decision would be.

OK, so DH is 8 years older than OP. In which case, the fairest thing would be for OP to continue working to 55 then take early retirement. The issue about finances is separate.
From a financial aspect, it’s important to know just how much DH has paid off on the mortgage and how much in interest they have saved by it being paid off. If it had 5 years to go that’s 5 x 12 x 900 so £54k plus interest saved which could be another £5k. Totalling £59K. That’s his 5 years worth of household expenses income covered. However, if the mortgage is £10k then it’s a year’s worth of household expenses.
Sadly, it sounds like the OP and DH have been keeping their finances seperate rather than combining them and DH wants to continue to do so whereas OP wants to combine them.

I would worry about him coming out of work for a year with a ‘small pension’ in his mid 50s. There is a good chance it will render him unemployable, statistically he might never work again. With young kids who are going to become more expensive (university?) this is a risky manoeuvre. He also sounds as though he’s not going to be of much use as a house husband. Will he not consider retirement from his stressful job but moving into other lower stress paid employment? Even part time?

mortgage paid off, no more interest on the mortgage (work out how much this will save you long term) security for life. house husband (cleaning, cooking, laundry etc.) less stress for both of you.

you get to keep a job you enjoy. Although your pension is minimal, you will personally benefit from having a mortgage paid off and no longer paying interest.

he is less stressed, evaluate in 1 year. If he needs to go back to work due to financial restrictions, he gets a job.

If you are holding back for any reason talk to him about your worries.

You have to admit it's a bit weird if the OP has to rush around (and pay for) breakfast and after school club around her full time job while her healthy partner chills out.

Do many healthy stay at home mums have their partner drop off at breakfast club, work a full day then pick up from after school club while they chill at home from 7am - 5pm?

Did you miss the bit where he is paying off the mortgage up front instead of contributing £1000k monthly? I’m not sure that’s something a ‘cocklodger’ would do. Also, with regard to school drop offs the OP is talking about what currently happens, not what will happen once he’s finished work. This is what happens when a couple are so different in ages - one usually retires before the other.

100%. If it was a woman, she would be told it was self-care and to go for it.

I am slightly older than my DH and have every intention of retiring as close to 55 as possible, which coincides with our mortgage and major expenses being paid off. I am undecided about whether to continue part time consulting in my current industry or whether to completely stop. What I do know is that at 48, 55 seemed like 'no age'. With everything that has happened since, I want to be able to enjoy time out of formal work, travelling, cycling, running etc while I still can.

From his point of view, surely this is the choice you make when you decide to keep finances seperate like this? As long as he meets his financial obligations (which by the way also ought to include a £100 top up to keep absolute parity) then what's the issue?

I would ask - does £1100 per month beyond the mortgage really cover every joint expense? Food, childcare, heating, cars, holidays? I do find that a bit hard to believe.

The problem is you're not much of a partnership. The "keeping finances seperate" is just the tip of the iceberg in you both seeing your own resources - money, time, skills - as your own to enjoy. That means he hasn't actually offered to step up into a SAHP type role which I think would actually be ideal with presumably tween children.

I think he needs a mindset shift to appreciate this needs to change with such a drastic lifestyle change for him. There are red flags all over this (who does enjoy the school run for goodness' sake?) I think this could work well but it needs significant thought beforehand and ongoing open communication or resentment will build very quickly.

Lots of doom and gloom on this thread. DH took voluntary redundancy aged 49 and we agreed he would take the opportunity to have a year off and pursue what ever he wanted to while I worked full time. He would continue to contribute as before from the lump sum he recieved. It was an opportunity I was happy for him to take because you get one chance on this earth and I know he would be happy for me to do the same.
Not all men are lazy lumps that will vegetate for a year and Op must know what kind of person her DH is. Mine was very busy but he's that kind of person. He found another job- one he much prefers and less stressful than his previous one and went back to work. Saying that he found the job through work connections which is an important factor in your 50s I think, especially as its currently such a tough job market. From what you say OP your DH is respected in his field which could help him down the line?

Statistically far more women than men in the UK retire in their fifties. Since COVID the number of females in their fifties who are not economically active has risen significantly. Women live longer too so they are generally ‘retired’ for longer than men. Anecdotally, I know a lot of my friends who never really returned to full time work after having children. Even when their children were at university or had moved out, they all looked to their husbands to provide the money. I don’t like the phrase ‘cocklodgers’ but there are far more women relying on men for financial support in their fifties than the other way round.

But that’s what the pre retirement arrangement is, she doesn’t say this will be continuing once he’s actually stopped working.
All she needs to do is cancel all the paid childcare and he needs to know the school run times and when school holidays are. If she continues to either pay for childcare or do the school runs herself then she’s a fool. If he wants it to continue, he pays for it out of his income.

What a strange post and even stranger answers. Obviously a lot would depend if there are still children in the home.

For context, we are in a very similar position. Exept we actually worked together as a couple and how to make the most of our time.

OP'S husband still needs to eat, keep warm, there is council tax and the house needs some maintenance as well as the regular household tasks.

So unfortunately he can't just put his feet up and take a 12 months + holiday and do what? Leave OP with the burden of paying for her husbands every day needs and still do her share of the housework so he can get immersed in his hobbies?
Nope didn't happen here. We both reduced our hours at work. We both still pay for joint household expenses and we both have time and money for hobbies as well as doing stuff together: like going out for a meal, and overnight stay somewhere or going to see a band/ theatre.

Hmm difficult one. Personally I think you should combine your monthly incoming’s, pay out the bills then split what’s left over. It’s not fair for one of you to be poorer than the other.

appreciate that he’s paying off the mortgage though so I don’t know how you’d make that equal if you don’t have a lump sum coming in down the line. you cant magic up money though so you’d just have to make whatever you do have equal I think. Especially if you’re not going to have a great pension, you can’t have a couple living two completely different lifestyles, that’s not fair, you’ve built the life together

Not all men are lazy lumps that will vegetate for a year and Op must know what kind of person her DH is.

it makes you wonder if the reason the OP has started this thread is possibly due to concerns about whether things will pan out as the DH says they will. Otherwise why would they bother starting a thread if everything felt equitable and they were confident it would all work out.

agreed that not all men are like that, but it's human nature, once someone, male or female, has the easy life, it's very difficult to shift back to something that's less conducive and more constrained.

It’s nonsense to say he will never work again without knowing the individual. I know several people who have retired in their 50s from stressful careers, taken some time out, then retrained or found less stressful jobs. He hasn’t said he never wants to work again, he’s said he wants a year off
That is also my personal experience and that of friends. NHS workers, police officers, retiring at 55 with massive burn outs they carried for years. Not one has stayed without some form of employment after 6 months even when they planned longer.

The reality is that they miss the social aspect and the structure of routine. They are delighted with the loss of work stress, but not the freedom. All work 3 or 4 days a week but in jobs with less responsibilities or finally doing what they've always really wanted but couldn't afford before.

The resentment from some posters is quite shocking. There is constant expectation from men to prioritise their partner's happiness but clearly, some seem to believe this is a one way ticket only...

I am amazed you can live on 1k per month to food and bills; as you said you have children too.

You also said he is taking early retirement but may look for a job later on, Does he has enough money to support himself and a pension and for how long? Or is he just taking a year off and start job hunting again.

What happens if you loose your job? Is there enough savings and pension.?

Very risky living in one person income

Are you kidding @Luannaa?
Your husband has worked SEVEN more years that you by virtue of his age!

He has contributed his £1k per month in advance by paying the mortgage off.

Of course he should take his year off! Why wouldn’t you want that for him?!

@Luannaa take the points made in this thread and write down any worries. Discuss the running of the house, the childcare tax allowance stopping (parents don't get to permanently opt out of school runs) and also the school holidays and then housework. A year out must contain him looking after the children and how would that work if he wants to do hobbies every day? Then discuss what he will apply for in a year. What are your savings like? Enough for a few thousand £ dental work? New damp proofing/plastering etc? Retiring early doesn't always fit well with having children later, unfortunately.

I am older than my DH by 5 years. I have had the better paid career with a good pension that I’ve loved, he’s always had a low wage job with a crap pension that he hated.
We agreed that I would take my pension early (58) and return to my job part time. Mortgage got paid off from my lump sum. After a year of PT work, Covid hit. I didn’t work but DH still did due to his job being one where they didn’t need to furlough anyone. It was a shitty year for him! In 2021, we decided that I would continue to work PT but DH would also go PT. This continued until early 2025 when he eventually stopped working completely due in part to being made redundant but also having some significant health issues.
We’re now in a situation where he is ‘retired’ (no pension yet) and I still work PT, so the tables have turned. I will retire fully this summer.
No one knows how things will pan out when we make decisions about work, retirement etc but in a marriage I really believe it should be team work. Decisions need to be made jointly, each partner treated equitably. If DH had stopped work when I did, he would have worked fewer years in total over his working life, we would have been financially compromised and I think we would have been miserable as a result. Instead, we’ve made decisions based on circumstances that we’ve discussed and agreed with and as a result are very happy with our situation.

I would personally be focusing on the financial side. For most pensions there will be a huge financial downside of taking it early. A few will give the same value if you take at 55or 85. That would be my first question.

If it’s a DC scheme you will loose a decade of compounding and that will be a massive loss.

I think you also need to discuss retirement in greater detail, it sounds like neither of you have much so what’s the plan long term? What sort of retirement do you both want and what ages?

Depending on these answers he might be better getting another job even if it’s part time. I would imagine that you should both be looking at getting as much into pensions as you can

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I think I would go with the flow for 6 - 9 months to see how it panned out.

But with some ground rules.

You like being with DC, so you keep doing the school runs etc. But he becomes the default contact if they need collecting because of sickness etc.

What chores can he take over? Do you routinely cook or shop? He could take over one or both of these - and if he is cooking most nights then that gives you more time to spend with DC.

Its not an uncommon arrangement, it just needs to be discussed and worked out. Maybe agree that he gets the first month to himself to decompress, then he has to take more household responsibility after that.