DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

He’ll be paying an enormous chunk of of his share upfront by basically paying the mortgage of
looking long term you’ll benefit massively by this
because looking forward he’ll of paid the mortgage off then when he goes back to work he will start contributing to the bills so you get a double whammy as he’s already paid his fair share by clearing the mortgage then he’s starts paying a share of what should be your
contribution so he ends up paying 75% of the total cost ( 50% cleared mortgage +50% of your share) your on a good number

if I were him I’d invest redundancy and carry on paying mortgage from that investment
bit more costly and pointless but it would keep you off his back

You mention your pension being shit. Have you been putting a lot less into your pension than he has? (I get that he might be DB pension and you DC, that’s how it is in our house, so I put extra in).

I would be suggesting he can have his year off, but out of the pot he uses to pay off the mortgage he puts aside the £100 pound per month shortfall so that your overall standard of living isn’t affected.

But that after a year (or maybe 6 months, that’s a decent break), he looks for work to boost the family finances. You could then put more into your pension. It sounds like you still have young children, it’s pretty precarious to be reliant on one income, what if you got ill or couldn’t work?

But DH and I wouldn’t have the mindset about ‘our half’, ‘our money’’ (and i’m the higher earner by a good amount) is spent to support our family lifestyle equally. If we were able to pay off our mortgage, we would both still work and divert that money somewhere else that would benefit us.

I also agree that if he’s at home, he should take on lion’s share of housework and mental load.

He will have paid off your mortgage, that’s huge!! Give the poor bloke a break and let him have a bit of time off.

It’s for a year and you’re benefitting bcos he’ll be around more to help out with the house and kids. You say you enjoy your job, you’re younger than him so not near retiring, I think you’re being selfish.

Do you bring home the same amount? What expenses if any are left to be paid for that are not currently covered by the £2k bills pot?

I’m also amazed they can live off £1100 per month food and bills. Just doing a quick tally, and £1100 would just about cover food, council tax and energy bills and house and car insurances in my household. No room for holidays, clothes, petrol, haircuts, internet/tv subscriptions, hobbies, school uniforms, Christmas and birthday presents etc.

For any financial planing post, I like to post the Money Saving Expert budget planner. It’s a good exercise to do.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

The problem with him taking a year off is broad in its impact.

He's quite likely not to want to go back work, but also he's going to find it a lot more difficult for employers to want to take him on if he takes a whole year off and they think he only going back to work because he was forced to by running out of money. Unless he has sought after skills the job market isn't looking as if it's headed in the right direction to take a year out either.

I don't think it would be fair to you unless he takes over ALL the running of the household, but that would make it even more likely he would never go back to work as he will feel he's earning his keep.

He's also removed your joint security if you lose your job or become unable to work for some reason. And removed a large amount of spare money that I'm sure you currently spend on family luxuries.

By taking a large lump sum he's also reduced your joint future retirement income, which will affect your standard of life in your old age. To be fair to you, he should continue working and put the mortgage money into a pension.

I would be very unhappy about all of this.

I would say that you’d like to do the same at 55. He has presumably worked 7 years longer than you?

Interesting, all the posters that think men should not be allowed to retire earlier than their wives. There are a lot of posters complaining that one salary isn’t enough and that both partners should work and yet all the statistical evidence for the UK shows how common it is for women to ‘retire’ or never to return to full time work after having children. I wonder if the same posters would be out in force if a man complained that his wife was taking early retirement be cause she was burnt out?
From Google AI
In the UK, a significant number of older women are not in economic employment. The economic inactivity rate for women aged 50 to 64 was 30.0% in 2025, significantly higher than for men of the same age (22.0%).
One of the reasons given for the fact that men die earlier than women is that they are expected to stay in work for longer.

We will have to wait for OP to confirm whether her child will come out of breakfast and after school club and her partner cover the school runs or not.

I guessed they were staying in the childcare because OP doesn't mention saving on childcare - she mentions cutting back on takeaways and luxuries to cover the £100 shortfall in the budget.

My guess is if her partner is faced with 8:45 school drop off and 3pm pick up/make dinner etc he will opt to get a job instead.

My DH is 55. If he wanted to do this i’d be happy. In fact he was going to take 6 months between jobs and I was supportive , but he accidentally found a new job straight away.

The mortgage is paid off entirely, you’re not paying anymore than you are now, and it’s a calmer happier household.

The only caveat is you have a shit pension, he has a ‘small’ pension, your DC are young for a 55 year old parent, so I don’t think it’s affordable for him to never work again. But if he goes back to something less stressful
or part time after the year, then your contribution to the bills is reduced and you can invest in your pension for a while, I think that’s fair. You will be in a better financial position than most 49 year olds (49 by then!). Just needs to be agreed up front. Plus him taking on more chores.

How much and how long is left in the mortgage? How much is the lump sum? How small is the small pension.

Because if you're talking about paying off maybe £30k and the mortgage would have been done by the time you're 50 anyway and he's only going to be getting £250 a month in pension or whatever, that's an incredibly different position from paying off £100k and he's going to have £1000 a month in pension. Because in the case of the former there's a huge risk associated with him never going or being able to go back to work. Whereas in the latter case he could ultimately decide to live on very little in terms of personal money and use his pension to contribute to household costs after his year off.

But he's paid off the mortgage out of their future retirement income. Meaning half that mortgage payout came from her anyway!

My husband earns significantly more than me, and he has all the perks that go with the years he spent working hard in his job, such as decent pension etc. But while he was building his career I did all of the childcare, cooking, cleaning, housework, the mental load etc so he has been able to focus entirely on his career. I've always worked but I've taken part time jobs to fit around the family. I've built my own career since our children grew up, but he's still quite a way ahead of me in terms of salary and pension. If he wanted to take a year out, I would absolutely support that, but he would have to pick up the slack at home. If he wanted to retire on his nice little nest egg (built whilst I cared for our children and home) I'd think he was a selfish arse.

I'm a similar age to him and finding work harder so I get his need for a break. Given your difference in age he was always going to retire before you. BUT he needs to take on the school runs and house jobs so you get some benefit from this too. Weekends can then be free of chores so you can enjoy time together. Also why would you use after school clubs if he's at home? You can save some money there.

I genuinely can’t see how you have come to this conclusion with the briefest of current financial set up information the OP has given.

@Luannaa
What is concerning you? Are you doubtful that your husband will return to work in 12 months time?

I think you both need to sit down and do some financial planning before making any big decisions. If your DH is close to burning out then taking some time out (which he can fund) seems like an excellent idea.

However, he does need to look into the financial impact on drawing his private pension at 55 years and whether they are longer term implications. Is he in a defined contribution scheme? Should something happen to him is there provision for you?

Also, what happens if he cannot get back into paid employment in a year’s time? How does this impact household finances?

Why is your own pension so low? Do you have spare funds to address this? With the 7 year age gap have you discussed your options for retirement and time together?

I would use this opportunity to strip out any emotion and have an open and honest conversation about your finances and future planning.

Need figures really, I retired before DH at 55, he is 2 years younger, the mortgage was already paid off. I still paid for all the food, my own car and had enough for gifts, haircuts and other sundry items out of my pension though. I also picked up more of what had been very much a shared home workload stuff, we had just a child in sixth form by then. DH said it made his last few working years so much easier. The trade off of more domestic stuff was fine by me.

Is the fear financial or more that he may just loaf about ? The finances need to be looked at very carefully. We could easily afford for me to retire early with no drop in lifestyle choices. You need to look at your yearly expenditure as a whole with a margin for inflation and only then can you jointly make decisions like this. If it’s envy then that’s something only you two can deal with. We have a future financial projection worked out with various models based with inflation factored in till we are 90. The thing that would mess it up would be a financial event like The Great Depression or a War and then almost everyone is in the same boat.

With the mortgage paid off then both of your monthly contributions should be less. You are essentially funding his lifestyle for the next year or so. He should be able to retire early if he can still afford to live in your home and contribute financially towards it. Don’t really understand why others aren’t seeing this!

I’m 8 years younger than DH, he retired at 58 and used his lump sum to pay the Mortgage off. It was so nice to be mortgage free at 50.

I still pay my £1000 a month into the joint account, this covers all the bills. He looks after the house & garden .. does all the kitchen stuff, washing, shopping etc. He also looks after the money, making sure we have money in savings.

My lump sum will be going on a round the world cruise .. when time comes to retire.

DH hated his job, and I quite like mine, so the arrangement works well. He also spends a lot of time on his hobbies, which again is fine.

I think you'll find that in the majority of those it is a mutual agreement and very often because the male wants the household managed for him and values that role. The woman is still working, she just isn't earning.

And the key word is mutual (see a great example in the post above mine).

I think it's perhaps less about the money and more about the fact that you have to continue working full time whilst he doesn't. I think if he's going to be at home he should take on the majority of shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. If you enjoy the school runs etc then carry on, but not if you feel resentful. Meanwhile, whilst you're at work, he sorts the house and the food etc, all the life admin that you can't do whilst you're out working. You're right in some ways, obviously there's a discrepancy between him being off work and you working, and the money aspect doesn't really mitigate the day to day stress you'll experience. But the key is is to really drill down into what you feel and work out how to go forwards without resentment.

I wouldn’t begrudge him his time off, since hes older hes worked more years than you. I would however expect him to do EVERYTHING around the house as he has the time. When I had a period of garden leave, despite being the main earner and paying all the bills, I also did all household stuff because I wasn’t working.

he also needs to find a way to bridge the £100 gap as it’s not fair that you don’t have any little luxuries any more.

I think everyone needs to have these conversations with their partners - it’s something that comes up often on Mumsnet. It’s v unlikely that people will retire at the same time.

I think you need to sit together and talk about your plan for your finances from now onwards

e.g do you both qualify for full state pension? Which year will you both get it? When do you want to retire? What will your bills be like when you’re both not working (e.g you may have lower commuting costs but may want to go on more holidays)

That would be my concern. If he has the sort of skillset where it can be reasonably assumed that the workplace will be waiting for him again, it's less of a risk. But when you have DC that late in life, unless you were a very high earner it means you have much less wiggle room when it comes to winding down. Depending on the exact age of the DC, he may still have to be providing when he reaches official state pension age and/or when no longer well enough to work. He needs to be able to explain how taking this year off now won't interfere with that, it isn't just about funding the next 12 months.

It seems odd to me that he doesn't feel that he needs to discuss this with you and he's just told you what he's doing. You have a joint life, and both of you need to discuss what the future holds, financially. If he only has a small pension and you have a crap one, how are you going to afford life, going forward? How are you going to afford to support your children going through university?

I'm assuming after a year or so he'll be looking for another job - it seems he's burned out rather than retiring for good?

In the meantime, I'd be suggesting that if he's not contributing financially, he'll need to start contributing in other ways - cooking, cleaning, childcare etc, and make your life easier.