DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

Absolutely!

what people are failing to recognise is that working life involves a degree of discipline and structure. With that gone and a year of doing bugger all stretching out ahead of him, the risk is that the DH will enjoy the vegetation a bit too much!

he would be far better taking a few weeks to find a lower stress job at reduced hours and test the market as to how easy or difficult it is to move his career. He may well find he will struggle to find anything. Consider that in a year's time ... it will be even harder ....

also if he is planning to look for new work after a year, he would need to start looking after 6-8 months of being off work, to allow response times, interviews etc, otherwise if he doesn't start looking for a full year, he could be looking at an 18 - 24 month "career break". aged 57 .... Doesn't sound like he has factor this into his "plan".

The hypocrisy on here is mind-blowing.

This is simply pure envy and pettiness as another poster stated and I would bet anything that if the situation was reversed, OP would be encouraged to enjoy her time off, especially as she would have contributed significantly by paying off the mortgage.

Rather than being misogynistic, it's quite clear that many posters here think that a woman is the only one in a partnership who is allowed to work part-time or not at all if she fancies and a man must always be the provider. Where all the concerns about the husband potentially losing his job or getting sick and having to give up work or the wife enjoying 'vegetating' too much when a woman talks about not working?

I think for a year it's fine, especially because I know my own husband would afford me the same privilege if I wanted it. Sounds like he worked really hard and has considered you all by making sure the mortgage is paid off before he does this and recognizes that it wouldn't be fair to do forever by putting a time limit on it.

I expect he wanted to leave his stressful job for ages and has found the most viable time to do it after paying off the mortgage. He probably realizes this is the only break he will get until actual retirement and is using this time after quitting his unhappy job to take that opportunity to rest, recover and focus on himself after many years of self sacrifice.

Does he have any plans of what he will re-enter into?

I would only be annoyed if in a few years I proposed the same thing for myself and he had a problem with it.

He is paying off his entire half of the year, so yes he can afford it. Otherwise he would have to work all year to do that.

I think his idea is fine.
I think what you have to establish is what role he will take on at home if you are doing everything for the DC and working full time.
He could take over the morning school run and then contribute an hour of housework a day?
That would take some of the stress from you but also allow him plenty of time to do his hobbies etc.
If you were at home and him working it would not be a holiday every day for you as you would be expected to do the school runs, cleaning, cooking and childcare in tge school holidays .

Or she could wait for him to pay off the mortgage and then divorce him and if it was £100k he put in she would benefit by at least £50k of that payment.

If he was going to pay into the account the extra 100 per month and in agreement of paying 50% of things like holidays, birthday and Christmas presents and pull his weight with regard children’s after school activities etc then he can take the year off

In this year off, does he think that the world will stop. He doesn’t have to lift a finger and if he doesn’t like to do something he just doesn’t do it.

Honestly I can’t see him getting a job after this year. Let alone after 8 years.
At 56 he will very much struggle. At 64 he is relying on being fit and able enough to do a job and the potential employer not going through an agency because paying an agency for someone who would be only in the job 3-4 years before they have to pay again doesn’t make financial sense

Although the pension age is 67, This 8 years off would have him looking for work at 63-64 years old. Do you honestly believe that he is going to walk into a job at that age

Would his small pension be able to cover his half of the costs of living which will have risen significantly in 8 years time, especially given he can’t afford the £100 per month now. Let alone the £550 he should be paying

He will have another 4 years 48 months before his state pension kicks in.

His basic maths is wrong. If the mortgage is £900 and he was contributing £1000. Why isn’t he paying the extra £100

If he is a house husband who does nothing apart from giving you extra work to do to look after him and you still have to run around after dc and struggle paying all the bills and every eventuality, then what is he bringing to the table. What positives does he do that adds to your life.

He won’t work again, I can pretty much guarantee that.

So, can you live on this money until you are 55 then both be retired equally on what you jointly have?

If not, I think he is unreasonable. At the very least I think he should be working in a part time low stress job for this “year”.

Agree. He’s never going to get the taste for working back, and job hunting when you’re over 55 is hard even for those who are actually motivated

It just sounds like you’re jealous that he’s retiring and you’re not. I would feel the same. 🤣

The people have stressful jobs in one way or the other and we have to just crack on. If this job is burning him out, isn’t it possible for him to look for something which is less stressful? Should he decide to take this early retirement to pay the mortgage will he then take over all of the physical and mental load for running the house and looking after the children?
If his decision impacts your lifestyle and will make your life more complicated and I’m really sorry but I think he’s been incredibly selfish. He isn’t a single man he’s half of a marriage and as such he needs to think about everybody and everything.

How long have you been living together / married? Asking just in case it’s short.

Can you as a couple (household) afford for one person not to work again, and you to retire in your 50s too? In the medium term. You describe your pension as ‘shit’ - does his cover both of you?

If you can’t afford it, which seems probable, then a year off paid work won’t help DH get something new. A few months would be better.

i Think some time off is fine but

• perhaps 6 months to just enjoy it then start looking for work as it can take a while especially if changing roles
• he needs to ease your burden by doing as much with the house and kids as possible

slightly similar situation here as Dh is 60 and burnt out as a social worker. He’s been out of work for months and struggling to find something satisfying that doesn’t involve stress.

I don’t get your problem TBH? He was always going to retire long before you given the age difference - that can hardly be a surprise and 55 isn’t that unusual an age to retire from if he has a gold plated pension from the civil service ….you also say he has worked very very hard. Sounds like he deserves it. You get the security of being mortgage free - which he has paid off - sounds like you want your cake and eat it

Agree!

unfortunately the way it’s worked is that your DH is in a good position to ‘retire’ early and with that largely contribute to the household

@PumpkinPieAlibi I completely agree with you.

@daisychain01 and many a woman has decided to work part time post maternity leave or take a few years off. Men are expected to carry on working full time missing out on spending time with their young children. Dh adjusted his hours so he could spend more time with our children.

You are guessing that he won't get another job and I am telling you that my sister's BIL works, he is late 50s, retired from emergency services at 55. He is the youngest child in his family, all of them or their husbands/wives are working part time hours as they are all in civil service jobs where they get to access their pension at 55 and draw down.

In fact it is pretty standard financial advice that if you are still paying a mortgage and can access your pension at 55, draw down, pay off the mortgage and then continue to pay back into the pension pot what you would have been paying for your mortgage.

I guarantee the remaining mortgage is not £12k. He has probably worked nearly 40 years. He is taking a year off. Conversations should have been had all the time especially when he floated the idea of being a househusband and OP shot him down, so now it is a year on sabbatical.

I also wanted to add that this was never going to be fair. There is a 7 year age gap and currently that accessing your pension at 55 age is changing to 57 and will be at least 58 by the time OP could access that sort of pension if they had one.

Maybe now is the time to look at paying into a private pension for yourself OP, talk about finances with your Dh for when he returns to work.

@Luannaa just a little more detail would mean responses can be tailored to your situation. How much/many years would otherwise be left on the mortgage? Any consumer debt? Savings/pensions? Your/children’s ages? How is he around equitable sharing of household labour, including childcare? (I’m not sure you would have equal leisure time?) What transferable skills does he have? The job market isn’t great in some sectors. (My son graduated from a top university in July, but had to submit literally hundreds of applications before landing a role).

My dad retired before my mum.
And my mum continued to carry the housekeeping load while she worked 40 hours a week.
And she’d work all day and then get home and have to make dinner for them both.
And I don’t recall her ever complaining, because she was of that generation of women who thought they were supposed to do that.
Me, I complained for her - my parents looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

Totally agree with this post. The job market is hard e ouch yet alone for a 55+ year old man that’s been out the job market on a whim.

You will become very resentful at him sitting about doing fuck all but indulging himself with his hobbies.

I always made sure I had a good pension op. Why haven’t you? That would have definitely been a priority especially if I was marrying someone older.

It’s nonsense to say he will never work again without knowing the individual. I know several people who have retired in their 50s from stressful careers, taken some time out, then retrained or found less stressful jobs. He hasn’t said he never wants to work again, he’s said he wants a year off.

He could take that year off and contribute £1k a month from his lump sum but he’s offering to do something which financially is better for them as a couple and as a family. I don’t see that he’s being unreasonable, I’d be happy for him that he’s retired from a stressful situation and can look forward to a different future.

OP, you’re younger than him. That’s why you’re still working. My DH is older than me and retired. I’m still working. That’s the deal. Your time will come.

The alternative would presumably be that he doesn't pay off the mortgage and continues putting his contribution into the joint pot. How would that help you, OP?

He's been working 7 years longer than you. He's earned a break.

Have you seen a financial advisor about the plan to pay off mortgage?
It may not be the best thing to do with a lump sum.
For example, careful investments may go up more than the mortgage will, leaving a bigger pot after 10 years....

Presumably he’ll get his State pension at 66

She also said she has a shit pension to look forward to so her doing the same in the future is not an option.

OP has some time to put money into a pension now, and is presumably expecting to live partly off her husband's pension in future years.