Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

I’d definitely complain to management. They’re being paid for a service, not doing you a bloody favour!

Nursery incredibly rude. You’ve paid for care until 6.30, to act as though you are late is out of line.

I worry though you may be paying out a lot for a degree that won’t necessarily improve your prospects.

100% speak to them. I work in childcare and have done for years. We would be strung up at inspection for this. Transitions are hard enough at that age, without staff compounding it by making your child wonder where you are and acting like you are already late. No child should feel like a burden! They could easily have one staff member, not ready but with their things waiting for them, reading to your child/drawing - no mess to clean up and it takes them seconds to get ready when you arrive.

I would also raise the issue of the completely unnecessary double phone call. They should only be contacting you in an emergency/if your child is in distress. I would understand if the second last child was picked up at 4, they could ring to make you aware, but not in a way that pressures you to arrive early, but at that time, what's the benefit of calling.

Be proud of the steps you are making to better your life, and subsequently, your child's. Ignore all the guilt trippers!

You’re either lying about getting a degree from open uni, or you didn’t take it seriously at all. I am taking it very seriously. I did one year in a brick and mortar uni and that was infinitely easier than open uni. It’s flexible when you’re childless, nothing about my life is flexible now that I have a child. You’re so weird

This is great to hear from a nursery manager, thank you! Especially as it was the manger who said these things to me, I was so shocked. I will definitely raise this

Completely feel you on the second one. It seems like the only way in, many industries you can get in with experience, but publishing is quite elitist. I’ve tried for years, advised by a family friend that while they say they don’t require a degree, they won’t even look at your application unless you have great experience/contacts or a relevant degree! So it’ll improve it a little 😂

Oh no way!! Gosh I didn’t realise what they did was that bad! Completely agree with you though, that’s what I would’ve liked her to be treated like, and what I expected. Completely understand if I was late, which I would never be. And thank you for that, a lot of guilt trippers in these comments!🥰 I think some people prowl mumsnet looking for already guilty mums wondering how they can possibly try to make them feel worse. Luckily, I will not feel guilty for spending almost 3 years of my life taking care of my daughter and then deciding to try and do something to improve our prospects

Who owns the nursery?
Is it privately owned/part of a chain?
I would definitely take this further. Their behaviour is very unprofessional, especially on her first day.
I used to be a regional manager for a large chain of nurseries; our staff were paid to work shifts of between certain times. Effectively the staff were trying to leave before the end of the time they were being paid for. That would be fair enough if all the children had left and everything had been finished in terms of closing up for the day, but certainly not at the expense of a good finish for a child.

YANBU and you don't have to justify why your daughter is there, it's irrelevant to your question. The fact is that your daughter IS there until a specified time within nursery opening hours and the staff were both unprofessional and unfair to your daughter. I agree with PP who said you should tell them they should be continuing to engage with your daughter until you collect her and not having her sitting by a window looking for you.

The idea of OU being a piece of piss when you are working and have children is fucking stupid and designed only to undermine the OP. Ignore that as well. Flexibility is subjective and not infinite when you have TMA deadlines.

It’s privately owned! I wouldn’t even know how to take it higher, I’ve no idea how this system works! It was difficult enough to get my head around the funded hours etc aha. I might see what happens next Friday, if they are the same. I need to make it clear I will be there at 6.20, and see if they act the same

Perhaps when you do contact the manager they can clarify exactly what time they do expect you to collect by - and how they will be adjusting the bill accordingly of course!

The prowlers are out in force 😂

If it is a private nursery, which is externally owned, I would be tempted to go over the manager's head. It really is appalling that that comment came from the manager. We have a handful of parents we would joke like that with, but they have been using our service for YEARS, and the joke would be made while their child is fully engaged in play with another adult. They rang you at 6.20, that's not to say they weren't hats on waiting at 5.45!

Hopefully this has just been a day 1, Friday bullshit blip and you have no other issues going forward.

Thank you!!! I think a few people have misunderstood the post 😅 I was feeling guilty for her being the last there, and also unsure if I was being sensitive. However, I will not feel guilty for using 2 days of childcare so I can study and work 2 jobs.

I agree, completely stupid. Either that poster is lying, because my experience with OU is that it is incredibly time consuming, or we have the next Albert Einstein in our midst and I should be honoured that they deigned to comment on my mumsnet post

This 👏

It IS flexible though, that's the point of it. I think it's fine to use childcare if you want even if you don't work that's your choice and if it's until 630 that's fine to be there until then too the one I'd feel bad for is my child. Clearly everyone else gets there sooner being Friday just so they can get home but your poor child is the only one left there by herself that late.. That would feel awkward for her and yes the staff probably do want to get going by then if there is just one left and it isn't like you're stuck at work and can't be helped. You are right to use it if you want but your picking up at that time by choice and leaving her to be the last one.
They probably need a roster on a Friday so everyone can go home earlier while one stays back waiting for just you. That way each of them only have to do 630 finish every few weeks... That could be a suggestion.
I'd feel bad for both keeping them there and more importantly my child being the only one for that long... I think you could reshuffle that day more or insist on a swap to another day that they are there until 630 anyway.

I too have done open university and it was a lot of work, being self paced is definitely harder but it is flexible and you could be there slightly sooner if you want to. Just tell them you don't want to as you have the right to leave her there alone until 630 on the dot... Totally up to you. Not sure I'd bother with a complaint though but if it makes you feel better... 🤷‍♀️

yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

Omg what a cheeky b**ch!!!!!! This is so uncalled for!! No dont be feeling your over sensitive. Your not. She was so unprofessional to even think to say that to you. Id be seriously thinking of looking elsewhere, if the staff are that eager to leave early then they need to get another job !!! The hours state black and white you have until 6.30 to collect. Would totally understand them if you were late etc, but no your not. Id be also thinking if theyre able to behave that way towards a parent, what way are they behaving around your child !!

Why do they offer those hours in the first place if it’s such child cruelty? 🤔

WHAT a reach 😂
Never said it was cruelty. I said I'd feel bad for my kid. But create whatever narrative you want 😂

again, it is flexible. It is designed to fit around your life. At the moment, my life is 4 days with my daughter, 1 day working out of the house, one evening working, and then 30 hours of university. 6 evenings out of seven, I am already spending studying or catching up on uni or work. Am I never supposed to spend time with my partner? Rest? Read a fucking book? See my family? You were much more diplomatic in your approach than the other poster, but again you confuse open universities flexibility with meaning individual flexibility. I am not a flexible individual because I can’t be.

If I use up the 10 hours of childcare (-1 hour for travelling to drop off and pick up) I am left with at least 10 hours of studying. DD goes to bed at 8, meaning I have to work 5 nights a week until 10. So yes, when I say every minute helps, i mean it

10000%!!!! It’s really damaged my trust in them honestly. Exactly, and as another poster said lord knows how long they’d had her sat there waiting!

But why?

YANBU @CheekyTealFawn
my daughter is only 20 months old and we live 5 mins away from nursery and soemtimes ive got there at 5 to 6, rushing and the nursery staff have always said “don’t be sorry, we close at 6”.

The telephone call is ridiculous- 2 10 mins before you get there! What if you’re driving? Our nursery have some staff that can leave earlier on some days and others that have to stay to the very end - perhaps they should look into that if they have issues with being there for an extra 10 mins.

In our nursery often all the other kids are picked up earlier than me or my partner get to and we were one of the few that dropped them in on the 2nd Jan. I know that feeling of when you feel bad because your child is there the longest but honestly you’re doing nothing wrong. Your child is luckily to have the days they do have with you and you’ve said yourself they enjoy the nursery.
don’t even justify the remarks by judgmental people who don’t know you. You’re doing a great job Mama x

You really can't do any of it when your daughter is there? When she sleeps? When she's playing etc??
I have 4 kids and I don't remember on days I spent with them spending absolutely all of their waking hours doing thing with them constantly.

You do you, there is nothing wrong with that but the reasonings are based on the schedule you created.. Which again is fine but it's said like you have no choice.

I'd switch centre and do 2 days that aren't Friday..
Forget about the staff think about her waiting around with no one to play with. If you're ok with that part then carry on 🤷‍♀️

When you’re on an extension for an assessment that is due soon things become less flexible.

You said it’s fine to use childcare twice but finished the sentence with a comment that you’d feel bad for your child to have a dig at OP.

It’s irrelevant whether other people finish work early on a Friday, OP doesn’t because that’s the day the nursery gave her. Then another dig referring to OP’s DD as a poor child. The last child in the nursery gets undivided adult attention (at least they should) and plenty of children love this time because they can get their favourite toy to themselves. Tough luck if the staff want a cheeky early finish, they’re paid to be there until their finishing time and should actively be doing their job up to that point, not standing around ready to go home. People are entitled to use the childcare hours they have, regardless of the reason they need or choose to, and someone always has to be last.

A roster might work if the staff are happy to take a pay cut for it since they’ll be doing less hours. Not sure I believe you’d feel bad for someone who needs to stay at work until the end of their paid shift though considering you’re more than happy to make OP feel bad 🤨 I might of missed it but I don’t think the OP stated how long her DD was the only child in the nursery for, so the “for that long” comment is yet another dig.

Your last paragraph is yet another attempt to make OP feel bad. Does that make you feel better?

Post wasn't to you, do you feel better.. Didn't read your wall of text as it's irrelevant to me but hope your day gets better 😀

(also not my fault you got from my post what you got 🤷‍♀️)