Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

They were trying to make you feel guilty. You shouldn’t. Who looks after her whilst your working? My DD went full time when I was at uni. I had 1-2 lectures across 3 days when I’d pick her up around 5.30 but I usually dropped her off around 10am. Do you really need 2 jobs? I got 85% paid by SF childcare so she had a place Monday to Friday. Sharp 7.30 bedtime so I could do assignments in the evening. Took full advantage of extenuating circumstances.

You should be direct with them. You already feel guilty and don’t need their opinions. They should only call for emergency/illness not for an ETA (only after deadline has passed). Even if said in a jokey manner - the underlying message is clear - they want you to come early for their own convenience. Not your responsibility to make their lives easier. And trust me, what they said - they knew what they were doing with those comments. I’m more concerned for you at this point. Just remember - it is temporary!

It was a terrible way to treat a little child on her first day.

No, you specifically said “i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive,”

So you already have some underlying mum guilt and the comments from nursery made it worse. You also said you don’t like the long hours but needs must.

If it’s just about whether they are right or wrong- yes on paper they are wrong as she is scheduled to be there until 6.30. Therefore you should ignore their comments, continue to pick her up 6.30 on the dot and move on with your life. It’s not that deep really.

This was clearly as a response to them making me feel guilty for her being there last, as obviously when I initially went to pick her up I had no idea she would be the last child. I had no idea until they told me “she’s the last one here”. Of course, after they made me feel guilty, I felt incredibly guilty. Then I later became livid, as this happened hours ago, but I was unsure whether I had a leg to stand on or if I was just looking for someone to blame as I was feeling sensitive, hence why I came to mumsnet. I do not at all feel guilty about university or its timing.

My partner! He works long and late hours but he gets weekends off and one evening a week he finishes early, so I work on a saturday and that early evening he has!

They were out of order. I think I'd give them one more chance before complaining. Next Friday morning I'd remind them cheerily "see you at 6.20! No need to call beforehand, I'll be on time".

If you arrive to a similar scenario- long faces and everyone in coats - even if no comments are made I think I'd say "you must be knackered and dying to get home as it's a Friday, is there any chance we could swap her Friday for another weekday? No? That's a shame, it would be much better for me too. Or better yet the option of half days. Oh well, have a good weekend and see you next week as usual!"

Put it back on them.

Actually this is such a good idea. Because in an ideal world Friday would remain a me + DD day, as it always has been. If they make another issue of it this would at least hopefully help me get closer to something that works better

DC1 went to a nursery with these hours. It was hard for them.

DC2 I’ve found a nursery with school hours eg 8:30-3:30 term time. It’s a preschool (not at a school, but I will be moving them to this one next) is that something you could do instead. It might be much nicer for your daughter. These staff members don’t sound that nice, similar to my DC1 day nursery. They are young poorly paid and fed up of their Jobs

You paid for her to be there until 6:30 so how do you think you do not have a leg to stand on if you pick her up at 6:20? This makes no sense. It sounds to me like you were feeling guilty and looking for reassurance which is why you started this thread.

The only one with similar hours to that nearby with space is a Montessori nursery which is astronomically expensive unfortunately! Soon she’ll qualify for the public nursery, 8am-1pm 5 days a week, she’s on the list and we’ll find out in April if she got in. If not, we’ll have to wait until September

Ah are you not in uk with funded hours.

yes it’s a Montesorri nursery but strangely it’s normal prices for us. Similar to day nursery. And then there’s funded hours.

Because it was my first time at a proper nursery and I didn’t know if this behaviour was normal/typical.

Look, this is really odd behaviour, your insistence that I feel guilty about going to uni. Is it a trigger for you or something? Would it help if I validated whatever it is inside you that needs me to say I feel guilty about university? Unfortunately, I don’t. You can express your opinion without shaming. Some on here have expressed their opinion that the hours are long, without the shaming, and I have agreed with them. They are long. Do I wish I could have them spread out? Of course, but I don’t, and I have to make do with the options available to me.

I am! And they have the funded hours, but it is double the price of the nursery we picked for the same amount of hours. I love Montessori and would’ve loved to send her there, I’ve no idea what makes it so expensive

I think this thread is worn out with PP trying to further guilt the OP. Like you, for instance, projecting about her motives.

The nursery workers should have been engaging with the OP's child as per usual until she came to get her. Then there should have been a debrief about the child's first day. Twats.

OP, don't worry if your child is the last to be picked up; it's the job of the nursery to keep things positive and jolly for the child.

yes, this! My post wasn’t even about my guilt or university or anything, it was about whether the nursery was out of order or if I was overreacting, and whether I should say something or not. Some people are insane!

I meant to add, hang in there OP. It's so tough studying, working and raising little ones at the same time- but it will be so much easier in a few years

I didn’t say you felt guilty about going to uni. I pointed out that you yourself said you felt guilty about long days in nursery. The reason I suggested deferring Uni rather quitting your job is because I’m guessing you need to work whereas studying is optional. In any case, it appears you are content with your life choices and we have clarified that if you have a contact for her to be there until 6:30 then she can be there until 6:30 so there’s nothing left to add really.

Neither here nor there what people think of how long the day is for the DD. Plenty of full time working parents have to drop off early and pick up late.

The staff were rude and I'd speak to the manager and let them know you do not appreciate being made to feel that you shouldn't stick to their contractual hours because they want home early on a Friday even though they are getting paid until close (pointing out that you had asked for a Thursday).

But then my children are older and I've dealt with enough arseholes that I couldn't care less if they found it me being matter of fact confrontational. They didn't care about laughing and making you and your daughter feel bad, did they? They should have been distracting/playing with her as is their job - until 6,30!

@CheekyTealFawn you're going to come across people who take the piss if they think they can get away with it. Best learn now not to put up with it.

Thank you so much 🥰

Hmm … Muriel Green Nursery also had a nonchalant way of speaking, like they don’t care particularly the room leaders in the same age group 2 +. You’ll know whether to say something, if it carries on.

You’re right. I’m usually someone who likes to keep the peace but I think I need to start nipping stuff like this in the bud. Might get my partner to come with me next time if he is home early enough for a bit of moral support should it happen again 😂

They didn't mention that you dropped her off an hour late did they???

That’s not normal op. You do need to get there a few mins early - never on the nose, just to get a handover of how she’s been. The nursery should continue to engage with her and make sure she’s happy though. If there’s a lot of staff and most children have gone, they can let some staff go home as long as 2 stay and one can tidy up etc whilst the other plays with you your daughter so they can leave promptly.

I think you should set expectations by letting them know you will be collecting at 6:30/6:25 due to work commitments and that you felt dd struggled being made to wait by the door so please can they not do this again.

It makes you wonder why they say they’re open until 6.30 on a Friday, if they’re not?

They should not have made the child feel “like the last one”, they should be treating them as if it was the middle of the day, not some drama about being “the last one”.