Brother shouted at me to control my child

[Pumpkin101358]

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

Never normally, no. We don’t see my brother too often but around every other month or so.
But I do understand my son is becoming more and more inquisitive and wanting to touch everything

Your brother is an arrogant, intolerant shit who has a whole banquet of crow waiting for him. I would just see a lot less of him until he gets over himself.

there are two sides to this

A) he doesn’t know how willful and non compliant a toddler can be and he will be in for a shock when his daughter is older.

B) there is nothing more annoying than a parent just saying No, weakly and not actually intervening in their child’s behaviour.

I don’t know which situation this one from your post so impossible to vote if YABU

Yeah, this.

Your brother sounds like a bit of a dick who has no idea what’s in store for him. Like those child free parents who think they are an expert on child rearing.

If I was being generous, I’d say he has a 4 month old, is probably sleep deprived which could be making him snappy and intolerant.

we've all been there, although i wouldn't have reacted as either yourself or your brother did. I might have once THOUGHT like he did, until I knew better, and when i knew better wouldn't have escalated to a full-blown walk-out situation. So YABU, sorry...

He’s being over protective as a sleep deprived, first time dad.

He will realise this when his reaches the same age. All 18 month olds do things like yours did.

If the 4 month old had been his second, third, fourth etc child, he would not have responded like he did 😂

This!
He will look back and cringe one day!

He’s in for a shock when his child gets older isn’t he! What an idiot.

I’d be annoyed if your toddler dropped chips with ketchup on the carpet but what PPs have said. YABU for walking out.

Your brother sounds like a dick.

I remember how big a toddler seems when you only have a baby, but a adult should be able to manage their emotions without shouting.

Two sides, I wouldn't be feeding ketchup to a child on a carpet that wasn't mine. I can understand why he was pissed off. Saying no,no to a toddler won't work you need to be up and behind them and ready to distract and scan the room for anything they will grab next.

On the other hand,his time will come when his baby is older 😂

What’s the situation with the ketchup? Did they have it on their table or did you bring it with you?

I think letting a toddler dip chips into ketchup on a carpeted floor is an easily predictable accident waiting to happen. And one they themselves will probably learn themselves in due course if not already.

“Here let me put that out of reach” would be the better response

“controlling” - small children are to be controlled? at all times? Around everything?

I mean he won’t have the same issues with daughter because as she gets on the move they will naturally make their house child friendly

I would have done what you did @Pumpkin101358 firmly and politely removed myself and child with a mental note to only go back after a conversation about expectations of behaviour on all sides.

There is a reason most people have high chairs, floor mats and bibs so ketchup on the carpet should’ve been foreseen by one of you. I assume you are not very close with your brother or his house would’ve been a bit more childproofed for your visits and he would’ve got involved with redirecting his nephew or taking the ornament away. But his actual words do make him sound like a dick

I don’t think you were BU to leave at all.

I wouldn’t tolerate someone shouting at me about my child, in front of my child.

In fact, I wouldn’t tolerate another adult shouting at me full stop.

I don’t know why posters are trying to make you think this is something that you should tolerate. Who cares if he is sleep deprived, or if your 18 month old dropped a fucking chip.

I wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.

tbh I would absolutely not be giving an 18 month old ketchup in someone else’s house especially if they have carpet and no feeding equipment with a toddler (bibs high hairs etc) that was completely preventable and foreseeable. Keep the messy food for your own house. The control your kid comment, yeah he was probably unreasonable but it’s hard to say from your description of you were being a bit of a wet blanket.

Your brother has unrealistic expectations of a very young toddler, probably due to lack of experience. His house also doesn't seem like it's been adjusted for a mobile toddler. He was wrong to criticise your approach to the situation, and imo also wrong about how you handled the ornament situation. Although, there are probably things you could have planned that would have managed the situation, with the benefit of hindsight. You can get travel high chairs so you can properly set up to feed your child, and I would also have checked beforehand if it was ok to feed him in a carpeted room.

I actually wouldn't tell a tiny child that picking up an object is naughty, he isn't being naughty, just curious. I would just have intercepted and distracted each time he showed interest in the ornaments.

You're being unreasonable to be "deeply offended" and for feeding an 18 month old chips with ketchup for their dinner

I'm with your brother on this. You could have picked your child up and removed him from the ornament while saying no.

If he was eating without a high chair round someone else's house, you could have kept him on your lap while he ate.

Saying you can't control an 18 month child is bullshit and is just an excuse for lazy parenting. You owe your brother an apology.

I wouldn't give my toddler ketchup on someone else's carpets, that was a bit thoughtless. Your brother is probably quite stressed with a young baby and having a toddler around who seems out of control would've put him on high alert. You are also right that he doesn't really understand how challenging toddlers can be and he probably would have been more understanding if he had experience of parenting a toddler.
I think it's just one of them things where you didn't act in the best way and neither did your brother. I think you need to just put it behind you and move on.

He'd be 100% correct if you were just saying no, no to an 18 month old as you sat and watched him pick stuff up and wave ketchupy chips around but from what you say that's not the case, so your brother is being a bit of a tit and in a year or so you can do the whole smug thing as he chases a toddler round.

You were removing the stuff while saying no. Thats what you do at that age.

The only thing you could have done differently was shadow your child and when he reached out for stuff, intercept it.