Brother shouted at me to control my child

[Pumpkin101358]

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

If this is ragebait its working

Just wait a year and then sit back and enjoy OP! Until then I wouldn't go round to theirs I'd meet elsewhere.

It's totally OTT for an adult to yell at another adult over anything other than immediate danger to a child imo and shows very poor self regulation.

I mean yes, he's naive and going to get a shock when his daughter becomes a toddler.

But I'm another one who would never give my toddler ketchup near someone else's carpet. And we always took a highchair with us unless we knew for a fact there'd be one available.

With the ornament, great to take it straight off him but then surely put it out of reach, rather than right back where he can get it again!

This. But with the additional caveat that I think a lot of people who were expecting a toddler around as a visitor might have moved ornaments in reach that they didn’t want touched before the toddler arrived. That he didn’t do those is probably because he’s inexperienced and you will probably find that this sorts itself out in a few months when his baby is mobile and pulling herself up on everything.

🚨Emergency Chips🚨

She says she took the ornament straight from her son. That's intervening in an appropriate way, not ineffectual.

OP, you weren't in the wrong and I think it was good to have a clear boundary with your brother. He may be just tired, overwhelmed and more irritable with a relatively young baby. But ime of someone who behaved like this towards my toddler, they were seriously struggling and this was a way for them to vent and control their own insecurities, and unfortunately it took.me a while to recognise that and put distance between them and my child.

Exactly. Emergency Chips dont require ketchup, but do require lots of salt. Which travels better. Neenah.

Have now rtft - the commentary on chips is smug and judgemental. This is an 18 month old, not a tiny baby.

The OP was literally asking if she'd been unreasonable.
Anyone feeding a 1 year old their very own emergency chips with ketchup over someone else's carpet is being unreasonable and you'll never ever convince me otherwise.

Yes.
Nothing else to add.

Agreed. He was intolerant, but you don't feed your toddler chips with ketchup on a sofa/carpet. Would you do that in your own home?

Surely he could have had a snack or something fruit or crackers or something?

I would have looked a little pissed off if you'd done that, and I'm not a show home owner...it's very thoughtless.

Came to say the same. "That's not for you to touch as it's delicate, let's go find one of your toys to play with' would be how id redirect the child. Obviously whilst picking them up and moving them

I'm too horrified at an 18 MO eating chips with ketchup to bother with the rest!

18 month year olds are what they are, but you need to restrict his touching.,

Your brother was rude but I’m afraid your parenting does sound a bit lax. Common sense surely not to feed an 18 month old chips and ketchup over someone else’s carpet?

Also you’re right, 18 month olds lack impulse control which is why you need to remove any tempting objects they shouldn’t have instead of assuming they’ll abide by you saying “no”. You should have just moved the ornament out of reach.

Your brothers in for a really big shock as his kid gets older

You were doing your best and your brother is an idiot

Yabu to give a 18 month old chips & ketchup on someone elses carpet when you knew there was no highchair.

Why were you allowing your child to get up and around with a chip that had been dipped in ketchup? Wasn't your son sat on your lap, whilst he was eating? Ketchup wasn't the greatest idea for a toddler to have, in someone else's house.

Did your son get up to get the ornament after he'd finished eating or during? You needed to be behind him, as soon as he got up with eyes on him. Moving him out of the way before he started touching things. Of course tell him No, and he mustn't touch, as well. It's something that needs to be repeated many many times, along with moving him away, before he understands that he's not to touch.

Parenting a toddler is hard work. It's repeating yourself constantly. Moving a child away from things constantly too.

Your brother will learn soon enough that toddlers are hard work, willful and don't always want to cooperate!

You both sound overly dramatic and hard work.

Deeply offended, quite embarrassed and left and Control your child. You are both as bad as each other (except OP you are possibly more hyperbolic)

But I have to say, you started it. You should have brought a seat, or those tie things for chairs for toddlers. You shouldn't have allowed your kid have food on a carpet. He reacted badly to a situation (rightly or wrongly) created by your child who you allowing to make a mess and get into things.

It sounds your brothers house needs toddler proofing. I’d ask him to remove any breakable or dangerous items out of reach before your visit. He will need to do it soon enough for his DD anyway. I would take your Highchair next time if you travel by car. So I think you are both unreasonable but you brother more so as he should have moved breakables items before hosting a toddler.

No, you don’t have to move things before a toddler visits. The parents should supervise.

You can supervise but accidents happen with toddlers. He has a younger baby so would be toddler proofing soon enough. It’s more relaxing for any adults to be in a safe environment…

Why was your child not eating in the kitchen? Letting them eat ketchup on a carpet floor is the issue here.

Your brother's a dick .
Enjoy the next 2 years watching him controlling his toddler and remember to pick him up about his parenting at every opportunity.

Your brother needs to learn, quite quickly, what toddlers are like and relax a bit and also baby proof the house by policing his ornaments. But you also handled it badly.
When you’re visiting, why don’t you have a chair harness so you can strap your kid into a normal dining chair to eat? I always had those. And when visiting, why would you take chips and ketchup? And 18 months old really shouldn’t be eating that anyway, but you take finger sandwiches and stuff. Not greasy, messy fast food.

Order something like this and pack cleaning pack lunches.

www.amazon.co.uk/Portable-Fallproof-Essential-Adjustable-Shoulder/dp/B0F1MWY548/ref=mp_s_a_1_10_sspa?crid=1BY5ZARLCY394&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PpPYktxIVBT-jPWLCr8bmdNlVTVIq9fESrwVvtkA5Oy0jvEz_bL1SNp9Wnqenc76B3Loj20PRg20s2ov4DkZCIeGEo5jLYbx2nZfTM0yx_1cutxgxqdY4TpADcTuPxvsaMa1mRDRKxcj6FB4fbgGZLCELEHh5XV1y6FpY2hsvog6fIarwL7o4GsD2vn59aq4djUd7Lpk100afh4gRNvR2g.OiDov2NucFsxY49eAZqu5vJ_SiDNX9Zl_EjprEScPew&dib_tag=se&keywords=high+chair+harness+for+dining+chair&qid=1767977659&sprefix=high+chair+hatness+for+sining+chair%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-10-spons&aref=TcDcWzsvvP&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfbXRm&psc=1