Brother shouted at me to control my child

[Pumpkin101358]

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

my thoughtless brother was like this, expected mine and my sisters children to sit in one place and make not a single sound. He has 2 little girls now that drive him insane, my sister and I love seeing him getting stressed out as he’s unable to “control” them, they bloody run riot 24/7, literally scream for no reason constantly and make an absolute mess in his car. We sit back and don’t bother offering any help as that’s what he deserves after the hell he put us through when our kids were younger.

My friends sister was the same.
Insisted all family events were child free when her two sisters had young children.
Herself and her husband were arseholes about it.
They had absolutely no interest in children.

They then had children themselves and expected the whole family to suddenly evolve around them and to visit whenever they wanted an outing at the weekend.

Her sisters were having none of it.
They were too busy and had zero interest in toddlers and young babies and were completely unavailable to help out.
They had to learn the hard way.
This is surprisingly common with a certain type of person.

I agree with this.

Chips with ketchup in a carpeted area is a bad idea (I wouldn't consider chips to be toddler fare either, but that's another story). I'd have had him on my knee to eat, and he'd be eating something that wouldn't cause a mess.

Picking up a child who is reaching for something he shouldn't grab is also common sense, imo. Also, saying 'naughty' is inappropriate for a child aged 18 months. It's a completely abstract and inappropriate concept. A toddler learns nothing from a word like that.

All that being said, there's a heaped plateful of humble pie waiting for your brother in about one year's time. He didn't have to be so sharp with you. I hope you'll be there when his pfb dumps a bowl full of spag bol on his precious carpet and rolls around in it.

My BIL and SIL used to be like this with my then 2 year old. Then they had children and I openly told them one day when their 2 year old was running riot in a restaurant that I had wished it upon them for being so bloody unhelpful and judgy when my son was hard work. They both looked quite shocked but had to accept that they deserved it. Unlike them, when they were struggling with a wilful toddler, I embraced my Auntie role and tried to help and support, not criticise and eye-roll. There’s no hard feelings as they never dared try to discipline or shout at my son. I would be having minimal contact and praying that he gets a full-on, uncontrollable toddler to deal with in the near future. Maybe then he will be less of an unempathetic prick.

Meet your brother at the park or soft play areas, or your own house. No one wants ketchup on their carpets.

This.

@Pumpkin101358 Also, get yourself a travel high chair thing, a lobster that clamps onto a table, chair booster, or something. And if you don’t have something, don’t let them wander around with ketchup on chips! 🫣

Be a damn shame if your brother’s own child is a messy, habitual line stepper by the time it’s your child’s current age wouldn't it?

When I clicked on this thread I honestly thought it was going to be about a child having a tantrum or meltdown or at least being naughty. Instead it’s a one year old getting a chips worth of ketchup on the carpet and touching something breakable. I’d have left as well- best way to resolve the situation at the time.

The ketchup/chips debate aside, you have to be a real wanker to say “control your child” to a friend or family member. I mean it’s an asshole phrase to use to a stranger
never mind someone you know well.

Chips are a terrible food to be giving an 18 month old - you're unreasonable to be giving a very young child junk food.

Not necessarily. I make my chips in the air fryer. It's potato and oil, and sometimes a bit of garlic and paprika. What's wrong with any of that?

I remember the first time me and DH took our DD to his Dsis house after they had moved to an incredibly tiny house from a normal sized one. It was many years ago and she was 2 years old.
It seems although the house was much smaller they didn’t get rid of any ornaments which were on every shelf, table, and sideboard. A lot of them were on those little plywood tables that you cover with little fancy lace tablecloths. It was like a china shop.
My DD thought she was in toy land given that a lot of them were china dolls. She was flitting here,there and everywhere trying to grab the dolls with me chasing after her taking them out of her hands and putting them back.
My Dsil said “ don’t worry it’s ok “but in the end I said to my DH “come on we have to go.”

Oh sit down and drink your coffee I was told but I couldn’t relax and we left, having only been there 20 minutes.
Needless to say I didn’t take her back for a good while after that. Not until she had learned not to touch things after being told no.
There wasn’t anywhere to put things out of reach because all the surfaces were covered in china ornaments but that’s what your brother should have done so that your DS couldn’t get at them.
My DSIL was laid back because she had grown up children and had obviously been through all that but as others have said he’s got it all to come. I hope he finds it as easy as he thinks it is.

I am sorry your brother shouted, not acceptable, but to be fair I would have been super annoyed too. I have 2 teens now, and my youngest was a toddler described by her nursery teacher as “high spirited and an explorer” in other a right pain ib the bottom 😆😆😆

Many a time we gave them dinner where there was no highchairs: peoples home, restaurants, etc. And both child especially youngest would sit on our knees. No escaping and especially no escaping with food in their hand; so to be honest thats on you.

the no touching: after the first time I would have moved the irnaments higher and then put them back before i leave. But then again, i have such a relationships with my sisters that we can feel free to be ourselves. No one is precious except for precious possessions.

overall, you could have handled the situation better. And i know exactly how it feels like to have a fidgety curious toddler! Believe you me!!!