Brother shouted at me to control my child

[Pumpkin101358]

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

it is not worth falling out with your brother over this . You were both in a stressful situation new to you both , wanting everything to be perfect . Give yourselves slack make up and move on . Hope you work it out . I expect he is hurt you left the dinner they had been working on

I wouldn’t be happy with ketchup on my carpets either - you were rather entitled to assume he could leave the table with one and yes I’d have moved the ornament out of the way the first time

His parenting skills could still have been better than yours, even though the second child's character was more challenging.

B) there is nothing more annoying than a parent just saying No, weakly and not actually intervening in their child’s behaviour.

She literally said she took the object off of him straight away and spoke to him firmly. What intervention are you proposing?

The OP went round to her brother's for dinner.
She took chips and ketchup for her kid as she didn't feel their food would be suitable.
She fed said chips and ketchup to kid in a carpeted space, and of course the kid got ketchup on the carpet. Which the host cleaned up before she did.
The child then repeatedly tried to pick up an ornament which the OP referred to as 'naughty' which it obviously isn't. Its developmentally appropriate. The ornament should have been moved immediately and the child distracted.
When the brother asked her rudely to control her child's behavior- which is a bloody reasonable request, the OP got upset and left the visit prematurely, basically walked out in a strop.
It's absolutely rude as fuck and piss poor parenting.

Granted I don't use Ocado, but I had naively assumed that basic food items such as bread, cheese, pasta, fruit and vegetables would be available in most households. And most toddlers will eat something from that list even if it's only toast.

My three children are way past this stage thankfully, but my memories of their toddler years are vivid enough for me to raise the bar of what I consider 'piss poor parenting' which, by the way, is a properly rude as fuck thing to say.

But you do you.

Here’s hoping his child turns into a relentless pain and stays that way well into adulthood

Best to do a swift check of what is in reach when they are that age, and move anything breakable.

But your brother was a dick.

YaBU to call your 18 month old naughty for picking up an object in his reach and feeding him chips with ketchup at someone’s house with no Mat / high chair etc.

He is BU to tell you to control your child.

You’re both first time parents by the sound of it, cut each other some slack.

I agree.

Watching posters frothing over the chips and ketchup is illustrative. I'm a pretty organic carrots and sourdough kind of parent, but finding the gleeful contempt just fucking grim (ooh sounds like a maccys you terrible mother). All foods are messy when eaten by an 18month old. By all means tell OP to feed their child in the kitchen next time but there's no need for all the rest.

that would definitely make life happier for everyone concerned.

Sorry haven't RTFT, but just wanted to say that the Nuby portable highchair has been helpful for me in this kind of situation!

When my mother was pregnant, I was five. One of the things she taught me was that when you have a baby, you toddler-proof your house, ready for the time when they are like this. You do not want to wait, and tell them off for doing what is inevitable at that age. And you minimise visits to anyone who has white furnishings and does not have the wit to move ornaments above the reach of small children.

Add in being exhausted as a parent of a newborn.

However, I’m always saddened by how little people seem to care for their nieces and nephews

I would enjoy your huge big smug smile, sit back and wait. And when one of his kids does something maybe mention something about controlling them.

but yes, he has a big awakening coming.

Oooh I'd be gleefully waiting for the day his darling child takes off their nappy and smears the contents all over the precious carpet.

Your brother will learn… his time will come.

You should have fed your DS in the kitchen where the mess is easily cleaned that what l do when messy children visit
5

I have never heard of any child doing that!

overprotective of what? The fucking carpet?

He’ll realise soon enough he was being a dick when his own kid starts walking. I’d expect this kind of judgement from older people who have no children.

We once got invited to an aunts house via the in laws who were there. DC was maybe 2yo at the time, her house was immaculate (lived on her own) - think coffee table books, colourful glass ornaments, massive plants in pots on the floor - like visual crack to toddlers. The in laws kept making comments about how the aunt is so house proud and to stop her running around etc, I spent the whole 2h trying to just walk around with her in my arms, even though she wanted to escape at every opportunity. Safe to say I declined every future invitation. If you can’t handle a little mess, don’t invite me with small kids. See you in five years.

OP could have planned a bit better (there is less messy food to take with you..), Brother could have been more understanding. Give each other some grace and move on

I don’t mean to be a bitch, but there’s no way I would have let an 18 month old dip a chip in ketchup over someone else’s carpet. There are lots of things you could have done - used a bin liner or kitchen roll as
a mat, fed over a wipeable floor in the kitchen or whatever. 18mos are going to drop food. You know it’s going to happen, so to risk it over someone else’s carpet isn’t on imo.

Lol

OP, he's an arsehole.
Keep your child away from him.
His behaviour is ugly and frankly not normal.