Brother shouted at me to control my child

[Pumpkin101358]

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

He will learn.

YABU about the food, don’t bring messy food to someone else’s house where there’s carpet and without brining a travel chair and floor mat. And why the need to bring chips and ketchup for an 18 month old baby in the first place? Surely he just eats what you all eat or something baby friendly.

He is bu about the ornament, it should just have been removed quietly out of DCs reach.

Yeah he'll definitely be in for a shock as his DD grows, one of my brother's was similar, always putting me down making me feel like my choices were wrong. Then when his kids were climbing all over the place wrecking everything no one could say anything to him or them but I always reminded him.

His house isn't child proof, you could carry the contents of your house and still miss something, the best thing to do when someone is house proud and gets upset over a small chip with ketchup falling on a carpet (who has carpet under a dining table) which can be easily cleaned and who is protective over his ornaments is to meet up outside. His house will be hard floors and ornament free in a few months.

Your brother sounds uptight, he will clearly struggle with the toddler phase himself. When dd1 was about 14 months she knocked a whole bowl of tomato pasta off her high chair tray which splatted against the wall paper. Never did get the orange stain out!!

that said I’d have probably kept the toddler on my lap to eat if no high chair and I’d have taken the ornament off him the first time and put it out of his reach so he couldn’t get it again.

so our brother is upright but you could have probably tried a bit harder.

I think 18 month olds are generally known to be messy eaters and to try to grab everything in sight.

So, with that in mind, going to a house that is not set up for a child of this age, I would have brought easy to eat , minimum of mess food and/or mats and catch all bibs. And moved any breakables out of reach.

Yes, your brother was overreacting, but I understand why and it could easily have been prevented.

1. you gave a baby Chips and ketchup for dinner?
2. you gave him ketchup in a room with carpet?

YABU on both counts

I think this is a reverse I can’t believe someone would do this.

People have less tolerance for other people’s children doing stuff than they do their own, your brother is probably tired, stressed…perhaps just like you may be. He also probably has no idea how hard it is to control an 18 month old who not actually being naughty just doing something an adult doesn’t like.

feels like a massive overreaction from both sides to be honest

Is it not “a shame” that a grown man lost his cool and shouted at his sister in front of her small child?

Or is it only women who are expected to suck up shitty behaviour and keep the peace?

This!
I wouldn’t want a child with ketchup hands touching my stuff and parent doing nothing. And yes I have small kids.

Oh dear. Your brother was being a bit stressy and intolerant, but really it's on us as parents to anticipate where reasonably foreseeable the damage that our children might do and head them off at the pass.

There's a reason why I don't hang out with my two little barbarians at the National Gallery very often. And why I wouldn't feed them ketchup-covered chips in a carpeted area.

You can say no firmly without shouting then physically intervene, you also need to have eyes in the back of your head and predict what they are about to do and redirect. I’ve personally noticed a decline in this form of parenting (which we all did 25 years ago) over time especially the unwillingness to say no with meaning, or at all if I’m honest - I host a play group so I’m very familiar with current practices including child minders not intervening and us organisers having to separate children, stop them from doing unsuitable behaviours etc.

now obviously i wasn’t there op and I do think your brother is in for a shock, ornaments in reaching distance are definitely not a good idea! But do think about how passive you sound, im just wondering if he picked up on what I see at playgroup, a half hearted don’t do that

The funniest line about the original post is that OP thought they wouldn’t have appropriate food for her son so she brought ketchup and chips!

Cant get past giving a 1 year old ketchup while eating over a carpet tbh.

So many questions. Why? Why was there a carpet under a dining table? Were you feeding your child ketchup in the living room? Are you actually carrying ketchup and chips around with you? Couldn't you just give your kid what they eat? Do they all eat over a carpet?

I'm team brother I'm afraid.

Your brother is clueless. With a bad temper.
You did the right thing.

This

Chips and ketchup for an 18 month old, on a carpet in someone else’s house is amazing, this can’t be real?

What are you on about? She literally took the ornament off her toddler straight away! Her toddler dropped a chip!

How on earth could she have parented better?
🤷‍♀️

I learned the hard way at a music group for babies / toddlers. Mine kept wandering off to look at other things in the room, and I said to the teacher "Oh sorry, but you can't reason with such a young child." She snapped back "you don't need to reason with them. Just remove them from what they're doing. How else do you think they will learn?". I was hugely embarrassed at the time but she was right, and that is what I did from then on!

A toddler shouldn’t be wandering around a carpeted home with child and ketchup. I’d be pissed off
with you for allowing that too, and then would have had little patience for much else.

Not given a 1 year old chips with ketchup over a carpet? I mean, chips without ketchup in an emergency?

You have literally quoted my post which explains how I would have parented better!

And let him get up and wander off while eating it!

If someone fed their 18 month chips with ketchup over my cream carpet I would not be amused.

Yes this.