Brother shouted at me to control my child

[Pumpkin101358]

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

If your account is accurate then your brother was being unreasonable.

It sounds like you were quick to take the ornament off your son and not say something weak and "gentle".

It was unwise to give him a messy meal in a carpeted room though. We used to take a foldable "splash mat" everywhere to contain inevitable spillages. Not only saves the carpet but makes it easy to funnel the detritus into a bin afterwards.

Your brother will get it more once his daughter is mobile and into everything. I bet the ornaments will be on the top shelf only! To be a little bit understanding, when you have your first tiny baby, toddlers seem like unwieldy giants in comparison. Then you're baby becomes a toddler and you realise how silly you were.

So did brother give you the ketchup? In which case he knew what to expect or did you bring your own bottle in your handbag?

My first guess was a happy meal

Ugh you’re brother will learn the hard way lol. Has he never been around toddlers? It was unreasonable of him to shout at you, and you were not unreasonable to be offended and leave.

Tbh I wouldn't be giving tomato sauce to a 18 month in someone else's house. However your brother has a baby and not experienced toddler eating yet so this will be him in a years time.

We one time went to a birthday party for a 1 year old at their family member's house. Old school money. Think a bucket of swords by the front door kind of place. Our whole family was requested to attend. We got there and our 2 year old was running around looking at things, picking them up, and generally being inquisitive. The baby's dad asked us to control our child (which we dutifully did), but at the time I remember thinking:

1. I will never go back here with children
2. You will understand in c.6-12 months when your child is mobile. Which they did and the mum joked extensively about it after that time passed.

He will get it with time. In 3-6 months their house will suddenly be babyproofed and everything will be out of reach. You'll know then.

Your DB is an arse.

but also possibly sleep deprived.

YANBU

He sounds a bit snappy but there is no way I would let my 18 month old eat chips and ketchup out of a high chair in someone else’s house. I wouldn’t let my ten year old do it either. I think it’s weird taking lunch to someone else’s house. Go before or after.

Only 14 months till he's cringing himself inside out. Sooner, really.

I'm not sure how to vote... You fed your child on his carpet? With ketchup?
What's wrong eating at a table and chair?

I can't understand why you would tell your child that touching something is "naughty". It's fragile, it can break, the owner doesn't want to... Plenty of valid reason not to touch it.

Your brother is being dramatic about the ornament, and as you said he'll learn soon enough.

You're feeding chips and ketchup to a 1.5 year old??? And calling it 'bringing a suitable dinner'?? YABVVVVU, obviously.

😂 I missed the bit about "suitable" dinner...

I recall a similarly smug brother convinced he had parenting cracked and that my child was feral because his first born was so easy and placid. His utter conviction that he was God's gift to parenthood.

And then he had a second. Who made mine look angelic.

I love these kinds of stories.

Why? Are chips the devil's work? Although of course on here parents only feed their children organic home made food.
I think your brother sounds like a twat. Your child should have been sat down but he's 18 months, not 18 years. He's still learning.
With the ornament you intervened , took it off him and told him no. What else was your brother expecting you to do? He could have moved the ornament if he was so worried about it or suggested you fed DS in a room without a carpet.
Never mind, he'll learn.

Im not going to say whether yabu or not as I can see it from both sides but when mine where that age we would sit them on a towel or blanket to eat or pushchair if we had it with us. As for the ornament you need to be straight up taken of him and put out of reach not just keep saying no. I hated going to peoples houses who didn't have kids its just not relaxing.

Why? Are chips the devil's work? Although of course on here parents only feed their children organic home made food.

OP made a huge point of saying she'd brought her own food because her brother wouldn't have anything suitable for an 18 month old.
Which is why people are picking up on the fact that she'd actually brought chips and ketchup, rather than relying on the terrible unsuitable food that her brother might have.

Actually I am now desperate to know what weird diet the brother eats that there would be nothing that was suitable for a toddler.

agree

Yes, a toddler wont respond to no, so why give him a ketchup laden chip and send him on his way toward ornaments. You should have had him on your knee with food and moved things out of reach as he was going for them.

Maybe OP lives in the real world, where “suitable” for a toddler means “something they will eat”, rather than “organic non-UPF whole foods only available on Ocado”?

Some of you should try visiting some time. It’ll blow your minds.

Ur brother is a shit uncle and brother.

"I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time". I assume you don't feed your son cold chips, so sounds like you picked up some chips on the way to your brothers (anyone else picturing a maccies bag? 😆) and sat him down on the carpet when you walked in.

Maybe don't arrive to someone else's house just as your son needs feeding? If there's no other option, then you definitely don't sit a toddler on a carpet with ketchup, that's ridiculous. Ask for a towel or something to sit them on so any mess goes on the towel.

"He got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet." Why was he allowed to stand up while he was eating? You should have been adequately supervising and the minute he attempted to stand up (which wouldn't have been fast for an 18 month old) you should have stopped him doing that and told him to keep sitting till he'd finished eating.

The ornament should have been moved out of your son's reach after the first time he grabbed it, by you or your brother.

It just sounds to me like your brother got frustrated at the fairly ineffectual parenting. Toddlers that age are hard work, you need to be totally on it when visiting someone else's home, especially if things like messy food is involved.

Chips are absolutely delicious but if you think its socially acceptable to rock up to someone's house at dinner, with a bag of chips and ketchup, and let a 1 year old tuck in on a carpet... well, I strongly disagree. Especially if it was dinner time and the brother was intending to feed everyone.
It's rude as fuck and piss poor parenting.

I know you're embarrassed at not having done the obvious thing in the first place, and don't do it now, but gosh, what has happened to common sense when it comes to parenting these days? The number of events I've seen at my school where the audience needs to be able to hear what is being said by the speaker (whether it's our staff, or little children trying their very best to remember their words), and very noisy babies and toddlers who are walking about are just half-heartedly "shushed" by their parent or let wander about when they're disrupting everything, rather than being taken out the room....

Your brother was a bit of a dick in the way he handled it but he's right to be pissed off about the two incidents. Why would you feed a child with ketchup on a carpet and why was he allowed to get up? Also, why was he allowed to touch the ornament again? The first time is bad enough but kids will often not take no for an immediate answer. Remove and distract a child the instant this happens. I can see it from both sides.

I think it's fine to disagree with the op but calling her 'rude as fuck' and calling her parenting 'piss poor' is well out of order.