We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

Oh don't be daft! 😂
Did you read all of Op's posts? Including the one where birthday boy is chatting to her son and not bothered?

This. Yeah I don’t like the idea of a little boy being disappointed, but it happens. That’s not what my post was about though. It was about the mum being inappropriate. How about “oh well, never mind, you’re getting loads of presents two parties in the same day so don’t worry about a sleepover. We can in invite them for a sleepover another time if you like.”

I’d text her back and tell her that her interpretation of the situation is wrong. Helping out another parent in difficulty and arranging a ‘fun’ sleepover are two different things and the former does not warrant an invitation for another child to join in. If she can’t accept that, it’s on her, as is the fact that she’s taken offence where none was intended. You have no reason to apologise an no obligation to explain anything other than the facts.

This, it happened to my DD, her two best friends had a sleepover after her party and were sending selfies etc. I would never have said anything but thought it was a bit insensitive and it really hurt DDs feelings.

But it’s ok for kids to feel disappointed sometimes, right?

It’s vital they are. The mother of the birthday boy is doing him a huge disservice by not reassuring him and explaining clearly why he's not going to the sleepover. Another entitled adult in the making.

Birthday boys mum needs to wind her entitled neck in and explain to her son exactly why you’re helping out another child’s parents by having him stay over at your home.
Why can’t people just accept situations ??

Couldn’t agree more

I'd text back that it's not a sleepover, you are helping out a friend by childminding for them.

This is about the mother realising she should’ve prioritised her own son and thought about a sleepover herself, instead of arranging a family day. The guilt of getting it wrong for her little prince has made her snippy.

I wouldn’t even reply to someone who lashes out about shit like this. She needs to reflect on her own choices and behave with emotional intelligence. Until she does, she doesn’t even deserve people to respond.

It sounds like a misunderstanding. She thinks you've randomly held a sleepover on her son's birthday party day which her son isn't invited to. All you need to do is explain the mum needs childcare as she's a nurse so you're doing it for that. I'm sure once you've clarified it'll be fine.

People are often batshit over birthdays. My DC went to a party once with a small group of kids who were all friends. Unfortunately a group of them ganged up on them and did something quite horrible. They had also been having a tough time with a particular bullying child at school. I knew all the parents very well socially and sent a text later to them saying that my child had been upset and just asking them to have a word about being kind and not ganging up. I then had agro from pretty much every parent for months even though we were all supposed to be friends, a call from the mother saying I had ruined the birthday and the birthday child then ostracised my dc at school saying they had ruined the birthday and encouraged others to do it for years. DC had a miserable time at school from that point onwards. I learned never to expect the adults to behave rationally.

That sounds like a perfect thing for you to do and also to offer to the parent who is working.
Very bizarre that the Birthday Boy's Mum would text you - she sounds crazy!
What did you say back to her?

That seems different to OPs situation, sounds like their sleepover was an extension of your daughters birthday party. That's quite hurtful but like you I wouldn't have said anything

Seems so weird she’s singling out your two boys. What about some of the other invited kids who are - I don’t know - eating pizza that evening, having play dates, watching fun movies… are they all taking the shine away from bday boy too, or is it only a sleepover that’s a crime on special day?

Also wanted to say, your support system between you and the other single mum sounds great. Helping each other out, driving to meet halfway etc. Sounds like genuine good support for one another..

I’m not replying.

Oh wow! Someone is entitled! Absolute nutjob OP. I wouldn't worry about it at all. WTF has it got to do with her or her spoilt brat who sleepover at your house and when.

Reply....
Hi Batshitcrazy mum,
Please explain to birthdayboy that it's not been arranged as a fun sleepover, but because child 2's mum is working overnight. No doubt we will be having some "fun sleepovers" in future along with birthdayboy.
I am sure you appreciate as a busy mum how difficult it can be to find childcare, which is why we all need to be supportive of each other.

@sidneytweeney while you don’t have to do this, maybe it would help the other Mum to understand things aren’t always as they seem. You’d be doing her a favour. I’d have to say something like ‘as Fred’s Mum is working late that night, this was the only way of making it possible for Fred to join in’. Some people always assume the worst. My parents always gave people the benefit of the doubt. You didn’t hurt anybody’s feelings; all of this is on the Mum.

This but maybe say you’d be happy to have her son for a sleepover another time. If you would be happy to that is.

Yes I agree OP. You don't owe her any explanation for anything at all.

No it's the same. Op has been insensitive and rude to the host.

Thanks. Yeah there’s three of us in the village who help each other out with inset day/sickness etc. We’ve actually all only been friends for a couple of years but have quickly become a huge support to each other. It’s great.

🤣🤣

I would also send the mum back a laughing crying emoji. She’s bonkers

Have I?

Oh dear. Clearly Mum is a bit pissed off that her birthday preparations aren't as exciting for Junior as they might have been if they'd culminated in a sleepover rather than family stuff. That's just kids. Nothing whatever you could do to prevent this. Even if you extended the invitation to the birthday boy, Mum would have vexed grannies and cousins to contend with.
I have some sympathy with all parties here, but telling you off for offering childcare on the big day is a bit much.