We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

🤦🏾‍♀️

Its bonkers but how does the birthday boy's mum even know that the other child is going to be staying at yours? Have all 3 boys been talking about it?

Of course yanbu. Some of the relied on this thread are batshit.

“Taken the shine of the day”? Wtf?

I would reply, “I’m doing friend’s mum a favour as she’s working a late shift as we often help each other out, this was a nice way of making the best of a situation that was otherwise going to be difficult to manage (you know she works shifts so you could have anticipated and asked how she was going to get her son to and from the party when she accepted the invitation) I am sure that your ds will have a fabulous birthday party and be so caught up in it all he won’t think too much about it, and once he is with your family being spoiled with cake and attention I bet the whole thing will be forgotten. And there will be plenty of opportunities for sleepovers in future!”

OP has said she's not going to reply. I suspect she's enjoying the whole thing too much to explain it's childcare rather than her organising a sleepover on his party day..

I wonder what she would say if you replied and said

"ok, if it is making birthday boy you upset, then neither of the boys will come to the party, but as I have committed to childcare I will still carry that out."

At 8 years old the boy should be able to understand that the other boy is with so-and-sos mum because his own mum is at work.

She’s probably a bit insecure. Try to reassure her by explaining the situation.

She's batshit! What the hell! 😂😂😂😂 Just ignore her

You can't fix stupid 😂 😂 😂

Yes, completely batshit!

I think the fact that you aren’t going to reply to the Mum maybe tells us a bit more than you are letting on in your original post. I think the Mum is crackers for texting about it. But you do understand that an 8 years olds feelings are hurt (likely because your son and your friends son have been talking about it whilst playing as a group of 3) and you’re not willing to even send a message to explain that it’s just childcare and that you don’t want his feelings to be hurt. Regardless of how entitled the Mum is the lad probably does feel a bit left out even if he pretends not to care in front of his friends. I think you don’t like the Mum and saw an opportunity to cause a problem and have got the moral high ground of helping a poor, single Mum working for the NHS. If you were as kind as you claim to be I think you would be ever so slightly upset that the kids feelings are hurt, regardless of whether they should be or whether his Mum is ludicrous.

Oh god. Your kids are the ones who cry every time something happens without them aren’t they because GOD FORBID someone does something without including everyone

@PearPartridge what do you mean OP is enjoying it too much?

There are some posters on here that remind me of the parents you want to avoid at the school gate, OP on the other hand is one that sounds like a great school gate mum.

Tell her it's not a "fun sleepover, they are going to be up the chimney giving it a good sweep".

Yes, I have just posted similar. Of course the Mum is being ridiculous but most of us care about kids don’t we? There’s kids in my children’s class that aren’t very nice to mine but I still feel sad when I hear they haven’t had breakfast or don’t have a Mum in their life etc. If the OP was a nice person she would feel bad about the lad. Chances are he’s pretending not to care in front of his friends but has told his Mum it’s made him sad. I wouldn’t be acknowledging that I had done anything wrong (as I don’t believe at face value that she has) or apologising but I would certainly be explaining what was happening and telling the lad not to be sad and that he can come over another time. I don’t think she’s as kind as she is saying. How can you just ignore a message and then turn up at the party? That’s not normal behaviour.

The mum was unreasonable to text about it and make a big deal, but this is rude, and you should explain this to your child - you don't talk about a social thing only two of you are doing in a group of three. It's completely normal and not a sign of being mean or anything that he didn't know that at 8, but this is a great opportunity to teach him that very basic social etiquette.

Or the other mother is the kind of Mner who appears to spend her entire life looking for reasons to feel 'excluded', and has taught her child to do similar. eg 'Some people I know went out for dinner without me!!! It's UNFAIR!' or 'A clique on the school run that I've never spoken to went to the park with their children AND EXCLUDED MINE!'

Most normal parents would say 'Darling, you can't go to every single party/bowling/park trip/sleepover every time' and move on with our day.

I would reply. What an idiot entitled woman.

X is working on Saturday until late so I've offered to take Y to the party and have him stay with us so he can attend the party. Otherwise he'll have to go to his grandparents and miss out. The joys of single parenting - it takes a village.

Happy to have both boys stay with you overnight after the party if you prefer?

Sorry I’ve not had chance to read all the posts, but I did reply in the end! I said “Ah, sorry that xxxx is dissapointed. It’s horrible when they feel left out isn’t it? I know I’ve had to reassure (my son) in the past when there have been things he’s not invited to. I’m actually having the sleepover to help xxxx out with her shifts that weekend. There was nothing intentional to cause upset.”

I don’t understand why you’re not inviting the entire class back to yours for an after-party sleepover. Go and sit on the naughty step, you terrible woman.

Bloody hell! Get a life, woman! Not you, her🙄

Essentially, you are helping a Mum out with childcare the night of the party, and taking the child to the party, along with your son on the day too. This other Mum is bonkers! Other children can have sleepovers without her child! The sleepover is completely separate to the party, and you are doing it to help another parent!

I would reply back 'Freddy's Mum can't take or collect him, to attend Billy's party. I have offered to do this so Freddy can go, and as his Mum has no childcare that night, so he's staying over. Freddy staying over has nothing to do with Billy's party'.

By the sounds of it, it's the Mum who has the issue, not her child, which is even more batshit!!

Perfect reply. It may have looked a little rude to have a sleepover and not invite birthday boy so good to clear up the misunderstanding. Mum was ott to complain to you about it but as she has it is good to let her know your thinking.

Cant believe this.
I mean how dare anyone have any type of fun after the party??

All the partygoers should go home and sit on their hand quietly contemplating life until the next day.

How dare anyone go to a cinema/ grab a takeaway.
Watch a movie on TV with their family?

How dare they visit their own family or have any type of visitors to their house after the party?

Birthday boy will feel left out don't you know??

What is weird is that 8 year olds are chatting online and how does the mum even know about the sleepover?! My 8 year old is not chatting to his friends online, I can’t imagine that happening for at least a few years

Oh be quiet. There are ways of managing this stuff safely.