We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

I do think the fact that the birthday boy is going to his grandparent’s after the party is a bit of a red herring because OP still would be doing this sleepover if the birthday boy was just going straight home. Unless Op would have kindly invited him along?

I sincerely hope not, but you never know.

It doesn't matter what the birthday boy is doing after his birthday party - you only get to "control" the time that people are at your party, not what happens before or after! What if the circumstances had meant that the nurse's son stayed at OP's the night before the party, and then OP brough both boys? Would that have been deemed acceptable?
The whole thing is insane. The birthday boy is having a brilliant birthday with TWENTY of his friends, and then off to celebrate even more with family. He's not missing out on anything - you don't get automatic invites to everything all your friends do. For all we know, others going to the party may also be having a sleepover afterwards, or getting together, or doing something fun.

OP has also said that the boys aren't a group of three friends - there's no reason, as far as I can tell, that the birthday boy would have necessarily ever been invited to sleep over...

That’s beside the point though, the BB’s mother is simply doo-lally and involving herself in other people’s business when she has no reason to.

The comparable scenario for adults would be one offering to a place to stay to another friend who is travelling some distance to the party. Or two friends sharing accommodation for a wedding of a mutual friend.

I hope you have sought approval from his mum for whatever it is you are planning to give your boy and his mate for their tea just in case her son would’ve preferred what you are having and would therefore naturally feel justifiably crushed on his birthday.
maybe run all future meals past her just in case?
Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the wee donkey what a total nightmare this woman sounds.

Unfortunately his mums a twat?

Sorry I haven't RTFT...

It strikes me that someone is sh*t-stirring.

Someone has told her that you're having a load of boys over at your place afterwards as an extension of the birthday party. The "fun sleepover". It could be BB who doesn't want to stay with GP but would rather have a sleepover.

Or she's just batpoop for brains.

Don't refer to it as a sleepover. Refer to it as "Overnight Childcare" if she asks again.

Do people really behave like this? It is absolutely none of the birthday boy mum’s business what any of the guests’ arrangements are when they leave the party. Does she berate other parents every time her son isn’t involved in another friend’s outing? As for uninviting the two boys, that is horrible behaviour to punish them for daring to do anything fun that doesn’t involve her darling, despite the fact he’s already unavailable. I am sorry for you that you have to deal with a grown-up brat like this.

No, she's heard the boys talking about it.

Ok so just read your all updates @sidneytweeney and my original assumption was correct, she is a batshit drama queen. It's her wee boy who will bear the brunt of this in his life, I think you did the right thing in your response, not really reactive and still perfectly pleasant. Whoever said the thing about control is correct; this is a person that needs everything to go the way she wants. Again, I feel for her son.

I’m not being paid for it… I’ve never said anywhere close to that! Pretty sure I’ve made it crystal clear that me and nurse mum are friends who help each other out.

p.s sorry for being pathetic 🥲

Yeah, I would have but it’s weird for a kid to sleep at someone else’s house on their own birthday? Or is that just me who thinks that? But party mum made it clear that birthday boy wasn’t free on the invite when she told us all she was going to relatives and we all had to fuck off my 3pm so she can get on the road! So I knew BB wasn’t around any way

It was clear to me until that other poster had me thinking that I'd somehow missed a post.

I think it's lovely that you have formed this support network and - to reiterate - the nutty mother is ridiculous and setting herself up for a world of hurt.

Just catching up, thanks for all the replies. I’ve explained to my son in a straightforward and honest way. His response was “we’re still having the sleepover though right?” And off he went. We’re going to the cinema and Nandos and then the arcade. I’ve asked my son and his friend to not talk about this at school just as not to upset BB any more.

Thank you . Don’t know why the other poster thought I was being paid 🤷‍♀️

Both boys are going to the party, after that is nothing to do with her! It’s kind of you to help another mum.
Birthday boy is also having a sleepover - it was mums choice to make it a family one not a friends one.

And every single person in whatever country has the misfortune to have you as a citizen clearly all make idiotic generalisations.

Because @ThatBlackCat told you what you should have replied, even to the point that she was instructing you to lie about being paid.

Yes just explain why your doing it to help the mum out so that the other boy can come the party as she’s working late, just say you will arrange another
time for her son to sleepover , he prob feels abit left out maybe.

@sidneytweeney I haven't read the entire thread but I have read your replies and frankly the BB's mum sounds batshit crazy!

The fact she then univited both boys to the party just because you were doing someone else a favour just shows how unbelievably petty and spiteful she is and taking it out on two kids who didn't make the decision and a parent who has done nothing wrong and helping out a friend and fellow single mum.

It'll be intersting what she tells people about this but if she twists it any way OP please show the other parents her messages to you.

Also what has your friend said about all this? Did the BB's mum also text her?

I also agree with the poster who said this is about control. She is pissed you dared to make 'fun' plans AFTER the party and she can't have any control over it.

I feel sorry for her son he will grow up entitled and unable to cope in life if she expects the world to revolve around him or he will lose friends if his mother takes it personally everytime he isn't invited somewhere and alienates his friends and their parents.

…I hope he does mention it in passing to BB and what a great time he had! 😋

Why? It's not the birthday boy's fault his mum is a dick.

Has the obviously unreasonable mother text your friend thats working, to tell her that her son is also uninvited? Or has this been a pointed jab at you and your child?