We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

OP you need to realise that this boy's 8th birthday is the most important birthday of the year. For everyone. And that everyone needs to arrange their own day to the specification of the birthday boy's mother. Including work shifts. I don't know what you thought you were playing at.

I hate myself

Yep, she’s insane. I would reply with a laughing emoji

I bet the Mum is annoyed that the birthday boy would prefer and is asking to join sleepover rather than be with his family arrangements.

ETA - obvs she is nuts

This would really annoy me and I'd feel the need to respond "haha, if you feel helping out a single parent with childcare is a fun arrangement you are welcome to enjoy all of the shine! I'll pick up the 2 boys the next day at 3pm"

If i had a pound for whenever parents go down the 'well my child is utterly devastated' route it turns out the parent has some major unresolved issues i would be very very rich

To be fair. Your boys might be really excited about the sleepover (whether it’s child care or not they won’t care) and be talking about it at school/at the party. I can see birthday boy might feel left out, he’d probably much rather join them.

I’d never text this, just feel slightly irritated.

I think you should ensure water and dry bread only none of @StoppingByWoodsOnAColdEvening s fun and fancy gruel….(you hedonist!!)
silence all day, everyone in separate rooms!!

Oh well then, the mum is being ridiculous.

I’d reply with ‘just helping Jane out with childcare. It’s separate to the party so I’m sure it won’t impact the shine for Freddie. See you later.’

I did consider this. Me and the friend I’m helping out are two of only a few single parents in our village/school and I don’t think other mums get the juggling about that’s needed to get shifts covered, get to parties. I’m about to set off to meet her halfway to pick up her son so she can get to hospital to work cos the bastard schools are closed. Luckily I work from home so can help on days like this. Birthday boy mum doesn’t work so I don’t think has a clue how tricky it can be. Not after single mum sympathy her but FFS. Anyway sorry this is a rant! Posting anyway! Thanks for validating me (majority) xx

Wow, huge lack of empathy on this thread for a small boy who doesn't want to spend an evening with "his extended family" and would have loved to be at the sleepover with his two friends instead.

Total lack of awareness by some posters that kids will say "nah, I'm not bothered" to their friends when they really are bothered but don't want to show it.

The mother could have handled it better but the lack of understanding of the little boy of many posters is a bit gobsmacking!

If it was his 2 best friends/they were the only 2 at the party I kind of get it that he might feel left out. But it’s not!

Yeah, sorry, my plan was far too frolicsome.

What about putting the children in stocks in the front garden and encouraging passersby to throw rotting fruit at them?

It could be livestreamed to the birthday boy and his anxious mother as proof that he's not missing out on anything other than public humiliation and a few squishy tomatoes in the face.

But it’s ok for kids to feel disappointed sometimes, right?

WTF how ridiculous.

The only reason she might have to be upset is if you invited ALL the party guests back for a sleepover afterwards, except him. Or maybe I could just about understand it if your son, sleepover boy and birthday boy are a tight trio of besties but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

Don’t worry about it, you’ve done nothing wrong.

The mum is definitely being ridiculous to have texted you but I would still send a polite and sensible reply like the one I’ve quoted

Yes that's going to set a child up well in later life for being NFI'd to anything.

You don't need to encourage your child to think there's something wrong with not being invited to something. No need to give sympathy to someone!

You can't be invited to everything.

And

If you aren't invited to everything that's probably not a reflection on you.

It's a misunderstanding. Are the 3 of you mums good friends that normally do stuff together? I'd just explain it's about childcare. If she is still entitled enough to take issue with that then it's all on her.

It’s up to the parent to handle that disappointment. This child is having a birthday party. My parent would have been disappointed in me if id been upset at this and seemed ungrateful at not been invited to a sleepover when i was having a party anyway.
the child can be disappointed, its up to the parent to manage that and talk to the child, not the other parents.

🤣🤣

Not at all. I say hi if I pass her but that’s all.

Definitely the kids bigging it up at school and the birthday boy feeling left out. He’s 8 can understand that. Wouldn’t have messaged as the mum but can imagine feeling a bit miffed on his behalf especially without the full story.

Batshit!

Giving her the benefit of the doubt though you don't know what has been said to her son or how its been interpreted to her. Kids can say things innocently that get misread by other kids who are too young to understand this is childcare and not actually a fun sleepover as an extention of her sons party.

It doesn't change the fact he couldn't go even if he wanted to and sounds like he has enough of his own stuff going on. It might be worth just clearing the air for all involved.

She is bonkers. You are providing childcare that will enable the boy to attend a party.

The posts are mostly about the rude and inappropriate message his mother sent, not about the boy as far as I can see.

But regardless the child is 8, this can hardly be the first time his friend has been invited to something he hasn’t?

He doesn’t need empathy from us (random strangers) he needs appropriate parenting.

My children are now older teenagers, their peers whose parents expected the world to be arranged for the sole purpose of keeping their special angel happy are finding the real world much more challenging than the kids whose parents said the equivalent of, “oh dear, well you can’t go to everything we’ll organise something for the 3 of you soon”.