We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

So after 3pm on the day of the party all fun must stop until the next day.

@User7565364

women supporting women is a good thing. End of.

You were meant to reply to her text by saying you were cancelling the sleepover OP. She knows full well that uninviting your DS and his friend will disappoint her son and she knows that you know that too, so she’s assuming you will interpret her crazy messages properly, cancel the sleepover, tell her that and ask to be reinstated to the chosen few.

Good call - no point in getting sucked into this person’s issues. Enjoy the afternoon with the two boys 😊

She's an awful woman. She'll destroy all her sons friendships carrying on like this.

I didn’t say women supporting women was a bad thing. It’s the middle class women entitlement that tickled me. That’s why l specifically mentioned it

You have agreed to have your friend’s child so the child can attend the birthday boys ‘s party and the birthday boy’s mother is cross because you didn’t invite the birthday boy? Is that right? Even though the birthday boy already is busy that night staying with his grandparents?

Well that’s weird. Just explain the play date was arranged to facilitate the ability for both children to attend her son’s celebration. If anything further is said then she’s a low contact person for the future. You can’t make people have awareness.

Invite more boys from the party to the sleepover

You get these kids, there are a couple in my family, around the age of 6 to 8, who wail like banshees when the play date comes to an end and it’s time to go home.

The other day, my niece called me and in the background was this awful noise of her DD, howling in the back of the car. I said what’s up, niece said, “we went to the cafe after school for hot chocolate and a cookie, we go once a week, this time Xs mums has a GP appointment and Ys mum is going to take her home, to her Dads”.

Well my 5 year old DGN wasn’t having it and had a loud and undignified meltdown. I got my niece to put her on loud speak and asked what the problem was, she explained, amongst hiccuppy attempts to stop crying that it wasn’t fair that she couldn’t go with Xs DM, X and Y.

I explained why she couldn’t go and DGN excepted the explanation and stopped crying.

I won’t even go into the doughnut meltdown of another DGN, who had grabbed the bag
of doughnuts bought by As mum and was asked by that DGNs DM to give them back when they were leaving, even though she like the other 2 children had had a doughnut each.

We Just need to sit these children down, have an open and sensible chat.

I wonder at these parents that feel their children’s slights, upsets and everyday challenges as if they are existential threats to
their DC. No wonder the children struggle.

Oh I would love to be a fly on the wall of that party at 3pm!

Have any of the idiots who were berating the OP come back to acknowledge that the actual twat was the birthday mom?

This is why I don't indulge twattery. People like this mother have no limit and if you give them an inch, they'll run away with themselves.

Her son cannot be mildly disappointed, but she can be a complete bitch to two others.

Well, but now you have to make sure that the boys are doing something awesome instead of the party and surely they'll talk about that after

What a difficult situation for OP to have to explain to her son. At age 8, it'll possibly be his first time realising that some people are like this; an adult disappointing two 8 year olds because their parents made a decision that has no bearing on the mean person at all.
I hate it when kids have lessons like this in life. It's like part of their innocence about the world is gone.

OP, I hope you've planned a great day and the two boys aren't too disappointed by the batshit woman's decision.

That mum is absolutely batshit!
For all she may have known, the sleepover could have been planned before the party.

And what would she have done if her son didnt find out about the sleepover then you all left after the party together? Not allow you to all leave together?

Absolute insanity!

This. She is mad to bring it up with you but it's understandable that her DS is sad that there's another fun thing happening on his birthday if the boys have been talking about it at school. However it's on her to talk him down!

This the prime age of children when parents become completely irrational at perceived slights. What happens after the party is none of hosting parents business.

Wow what a spiteful woman. She's punishing 3 eight year olds because you offered to help a friend out and she thought it meant her son had been excluded. Batshit crazy.

Not in these circumstances the sleepover is just a single mum helping out another single mum with childcare. I think it's lovely we don't see enough of it these days.

Which is exactly what the party mum has now done by uninviting the OP’s child and his friend. She has addressed her childs disappointment by creating it for two more whilst simultaneously escalating for her own.

As an adult, I would feel a bit sad if my two best friends planned an after party after my birthday party that I wasn’t invited to. I know that they see each other 1 on 1 at other times but straight after my bday id feel a bit miffed.
I know we as adults know this is a different situation, but this is how it feels to bday boy. He probably spoke to mum about it hoping for a cuddle and reassurance and would be MORTIFIED to know that she’d texted you!!
I would discuss the concept of ‘FOMO’ with my child and say friends think about whether they might give someone else FOMO but equally they don’t need to censor themselves! and we feel fomo sometimes too. and suggest that birthday boys mum does the same (politely) if I cared about maintaining a relationship with her. While you’re entitled to not reply , it might cause more drama for your child and school parents.
I echo that your support set up sounds brilliant with other single mums I hope I find similar when my son starts school, and mental note here to not text to communicate with other parents - a chat at the school gates the week after IF it’s still needed is much more appropriate. Texting makes everyone fire off their emotional thoughts before they calm down.

I would be so tempted to take the boys to the softplay as normal paying customers and smile and wave to batshit mum - but I'm a petty potato 🥔

I'm waiting for tomorrow's update when batshit party mum messages OP asking her to make sure that both uninvited boys take the birthday presents to school to give to birthday boy anyway 😂

I think uninviting them both is a massive over reaction from the mum and will undoubtedly hurt her son more if his friends aren’t at his party.

Well it would be disappointing to hear your friends are carrying on the party when they go home, he doesn’t have to understand that you’re actually babysitting.
As an adult I wouldn’t have told the children about the sleepover until after the party, knowing they’d tell the one who will feel left out.
the un-inviting is cringe too.

Would you be sad if you had other plans though?