We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

Your arrangements to help out another Mum are nothing to do with birthday boys Mum. And birhday boy just needs to be helped to learn that sometimes we can't always be involved in everything. Ridiculous

Did you want OP to get in to an angry rage about it at the mum or something? Sometimes short snappy responses are just fine.

This is insane. She thinks she gets to dictate the entire movements of all the boys in her son's class for the entire weekend, just because she's hosting a party for a couple of hours. What did she think you were going to say? "Gosh, sorry, we'll cancel the sleepover..."

The second text is even more unhinged than the first. I think you've been very composed, OP. I would have been so tempted to reply, "Wow, ok lol..."

This child can only be a first born. 100%.

The OP is being paid for it? I've missed that. Fine if she is, but I think she's just dong a friend a favour?

I'm just imagining when things jump ahead a few years and party invite Mum 's son starts dating, and then she eventually becomes a mother in law. I hope Mumsnet is still going strong by then.

Wow, 🤯

Why should she have to explain herself? Why does she "really need to say" anything at all. Far more weak to make excuses and explain herself to a nutter when she hasn't done anything that requires an excuse.

As a non-UKer you should have some pride in yourself, fgs and not make excuses or give explanations to people who don't deserve them.

And the chief proponent of this excellent policy was HM Elizabeth II with never complain never explain.

this mother is completely batshit crazy. She will push all her sons friends away doing shit like this.

not being paid.

Absolutely.

She's batshit. And she's teaching her son to be batshit.

Ignore her.

When my DS was younger his friends' mums and I would often do this to help each other out. Sometimes we'd do a weekend of it. I'm sure her son goes to plenty of sleepovers.

If it's a sleepover with 2 or 3 of the kids, then yes, birthday boys mom is being unreasonable for sure. Id say she could be a bit anxious about his birthday going well. There was no need for her to worry unduly about her son's temporary disappointment really. At that age he would have forgotten it anyway as the party went on and he saw the cake and presents. You didn't do anything wrong. You were helping a friend out so her child could go to the party which was a very nice thing to do. As a single mom myself, it was a lovely thing you did and It would have really helped her out. I would just say 'aw no sorry to hear he was disappointed, that it was only the 2 of them and made things easier for your friend and then focus on the birthday party instead and if he had a good day otherwise/liked his presents etc.

🤣 love it!

Thank you. That's what I thought.

OMG she is insane, her poor son.

I bet she's now extra enraged by your extremely reasonable and pleasant response, that she can't complain about to anyone!

Sod off.

Just saying what I needed to say.

I feel sorry for the birthday boy that his mum is so drama seeking!

Although you definitely get the last laugh OP - it would be too late to change numbers so she will have to have paid for them and you no longer have to give a birthday present so can be used for the next birthday party. You also don't have to fake smile for 2 hours.

I would explain to the boys that sadly his mum took something the wrong way it's nothing that they did but you will go have fun regardless.

Agree it’s awful behaviour.

You shouldn’t have said this, not replying would have been better than this.

It IS a problem, she’s disappointed your child and his friend because she’s mistaken childcare for a big slumber party.

No, I think OP said earlier that Highly Unreasonable Mother has a bit of a reputation for drama, this sucks the air out of it.

I feel sorry for all the children involved. It's unfair to the 2 who have been uninvited, and if the birthday boy didn't feel like he was being excluded by them before this, I bet he does now. He probably thinks they have chosen to do something together rather than attend his birthday party as I'd hazard a guess that his Mum hasn't told him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

Nothing you say or do will change the mum's behaviour, she is definitely after control and likes provoking drama.

Unfortunately, her son is going to learn this the hard way as he grows up. All you can do is to stick to your guns, which you have, and ignore her attempts at provoking you. I would also be honest with your dc, and anyone who asks, without gossiping about her.

As an adult, I would feel a bit sad if my two best friends planned an after party after my birthday party that I wasn’t invited to. I know that they see each other 1 on 1 at other times but straight after my bday id feel a bit miffed.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum: But surely, if you had categorically stated to all of your friends that your birthday party was closing down at 3.00pm as you had somewhere else to go for the rest of the week-end and would be celebrating with other people, you couldn’t expect two (or more) of them not to decide to do something else together after your party? They wouldn’t have been leaving you out, it would have been you leaving them out, in the first place!

It's just dawned on me that nutty Mum will also have contacted the OP's friend. Goodness knows how that went.

Well, unless she expects the OP to relay the message...