Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

No but they don't have to be immature and rude.

So, you spent NYE with your shiny new group of friends, and didn't even ASK the two (old) friends who you always celebrate it with?

You could not be more unreasonable if you tried @TraitorsSandwich I can't believe you even have to ask.

Appalling behaviour. I hope your two (old) friends never speak to you again. Don't bother with them again actually. They deserve better.

I agree with other posters... Very apt username.

No reason on earth you couldn't have included them. You're just making excuses. At least own it.

Why not?

wow.

Harsh...or reverse/troll post

When did your old friends find about the change in plans OP?

Did you ever actually tell them before NYE or did they find out by seeing pics with your new friends on social media?

ETA - Not that either makes you reasonable; I'm just trying to gauge how unreasonable and unkind you were.

If this has been an arrangement for several years, then def rude to go off to new friends without mentioning it and why not just invite them as well - I’d be pretty upset and feel I’d been sidelined…

I doubt op is coming back as the response hasn’t been what she expected but I’ll add my thoughts.

I’d have been disappointed and a bit hurt if friends had ditched us in favour of new friends but I’d have got over it. But I’d have been really upset that said friends just didn’t bother to tell me that they’d made different plans this year. It’s cowardly and thoughtless and it would signal the end of the friendship.

don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs

You don’t sound very nice OP. What you did to your friends was really mean. I hope your new friends ditch you in the same way.

You know you're in the wrong simply by your lack of replies. You said you felt awkward and didn't bring it up, so presumably youve left it late to say you'd had a better offer. Shitty thing to do.

@TraitorsSandwich

Wow what shit so-called "friends" you two are. No wonder your old friend is hurt and upset. I would be too.

I hope your shiny new friends find out what you're like before next NYE and dump you then you'll know what it feels like.

I hope your old friends dump you too. I'm sure they can find better friends (that shouldn't be difficult) and quite frankly life is too short to be bothering with sneaky disloyal arseholes.

Ouch.
So you didn't reply or let them know. Very rude. If they knew you had different plans earlier, perhaps they could have arranged to see others. Just not replying is very rude.

If every couple on the group asked to bring other people that they'd celebrated with in the past, it would soon get ridiculous, so I don't think OP is being unreasonable not to invite the other couple (which she could only do with the approval of the rest of the new group anyway).
But what is entirely unreasonable was to not inform the old friends of their unavailability as soon as they'd accepted the group's invitation. By not doing so she deprived then if the chance to make their own alternative plans. It was really cowardly.

I thought that, you could invite other people surely.

With friends like you….

that's absolutely shit. You presumably knew they'd be alone and didn't have the simple decency t otell them you had other plans.

May your sleeves always get wet when you wash your hands

I think it was a bit mean of you to be honest and I’d be upset too

Sounds like you were too chicken to say anything, hoping it would go away.
Prob that would annoy me too, less about meeting up on NYE. Hey ho.

So you were rude and blanked them. I can see why they are upset.
It's fine that you don't want to have to be fixed in seeing them every new year, but you do need to use your words and tell your friends that.
Leaving it and not saying anything for them to then find out you do something with other friends does seem to be a direct snub to them when you have been happy with their company previously.

Yeah, sorry, I changed my vote to YABU after reading all your posts. I think you handled this really badly, tbh. Totally fair to want to do something else, but if you know they see it as a tradition, it's only polite to tell them rather than dodging the subject when they bring it up. Two minute conversation: 'Hey friends, hope you don't mind, but we've been invited to do something else on NYE this year. But would you like to get together for dinner sometime soon?' Done.

I guess you were trying to avoid a confrontation? But doing that has made everything far more awkward, and now your friends are very understandably hurt.

I think you sound really shitty and abit fickle tbh. Why couldn't you just invite them along with your new group?

thinking this maybe be a reverse

This

Also, if it was your turn to host, why not just throw a big party and introduce all your friends to each other? I don't get why the new friendship group meant that it 'wouldn't work' to invite your old friends, too.

Why did you not tell them? Spending nye with other friends is perfectly ok but you should have communicated that so they too could have made alternative plans.

I can understand why they were upset. You handled it badly.