Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

You are not a good friend.

You should have questioned yourself before now. It was an established pattern to spend NYE together so of course they feel let down - surely you can understand this?

Exactly. It wouldn't have taken much to behave in a courteous way.

this. not unreasonable to not commit yourself to alternating for the rest of your lives - unreasonable to not just tell them like adults "sorry we've already been invited somewhere else and feel we have to go there (insert reason even if it's a white lie) - but let's meet up in the new year." Yes it might have been a slightly awkward conversation to avoid suggesting you only see them if you don't get any better offers but better than no conversation at all!

It was shitty of you.

You should have been really transparent. Told
your old friends you’d been invited to a gathering and wanted to go but would love to arrange another special evening with them - etc.

You were in the wrong. Not surprised they were annoyed. You could have simply said, ‘’We don’t know what to do for the best because some other friends of ours will be alone on New Year’s Eve and we were thinking of inviting them, how would you feel about them joining us?’’

The ball is in your friends’ court then to agree or not and then you can make the call after, but at least they would have known the score. It’s not difficult.

You sound like a fairweather friend. For years you hosted each other, and when your new friends, came along you ditched the other couple.

You were too gutless to even tell them, you knew they would assume you were spending it together. Please let this couple go, they deserve better than you. To be honest you sound a lousy friend.

I agree things move on, but loyalty, friendship and caring for each other matter too. You really sound a user and you were just waiting for something better to come along.

OP seems to have bailed on this thread like she bailed on her friends.

This, OP has not heard what she wants to hear, so like her cowardly, spineless action with her friends, she has done the same here.
The OP is very immature, and needs to grow up and see the value of good friends. I detest people like her, and I dislike shallow people.

You basically avoided telling them you had plans and they assumed everything was fine because they did mention it. That is really rude of you and they have every right to be upset because you did ditch them. I think most would be mad and those on here who aren't don't sound like they would be good friends to have either.

You were really unkind OP and a pretty awful friend. You owe them a very sincere apology and should hope they don't just ditch you the way you ditched them.

Glad you're not my friend, you sound horrible.

You should have made it clear early on you wanted to change things up.

Sounds pretty unkind to leave them hanging so you can be with your cooler friends

Yup.

Op ghosted us too! Think this pattern of behaviour is the usual!

I’m sorry your friends didn’t conveniently and cheerfully read your mind and disappear from your life when you didn’t want them there, and actually brought it up and forced you to awkwardly sidestep. The good news is they will never ever expect anything from you or want to see you on nye or possibly ever again, so you won’t have to go through that again.

In light of this… YABU. If you’ve had a ‘tradition’ of it for a number of years, it had been mentioned by them and you didn’t say no, I think they could reasonably have thought you were agreeable to it as you had been all the times before.

YWVVVU to not actually have the balls to tell them. I’d have been very hurt if i was them and it would have a big impact on the friendship.

Or you could even have softened it by saying you'd been invited to a NYE party with friends round your way and that you couldnt invite them because it was also involving a meal first round someone's house and so you couldnt impose extra guests on them. But that you'd love to aww rhwm anirher weekend . A white lie doesnt hurt an would have been better than your clumsy d

How would you have felt if it was reversed? It sounds like you were happy to have this arrangement while you had no other options but the minute you had choice you ditched the friend and didn't even warn them you were planning that. Doesn't sound like friendship to be honest more convenience. Probably the end of friendship now they've worked it out.

You really should just have been honest. You should have said 'I'm really sorry but we've been invited by some friends to spend NYE with them this year and we said yes.' Something like that. Lack of communication leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Why can't people just communicate anymore? It's really not that difficult just to say you've been invited somewhere else, ffs.

Wow can you really not see how hurtful you’ve been towards your friends they have been good enough to spend every other new year with just not this new year because like a couple of teenagers you ditched them for newer better friends that’s really shitty of you op.

Why wouldn’t it have worked?

did you think your new friends were too cool…? That your old friends wouldn’t necessarily fit in?

in other words - you absolutely could have invited them - you chose not too - they are acutely aware of that and yeah tbh I think they are rightly pissed off. You should have extended the invite

What sort of a friend are you? Not one I'd want for sure.

And if you broke the news to your friend a few months back, when you got the invite, they could have gotten used to the idea and made other plans. But you gave them NO choice, you just left them high and dry! They could have made other plans, if they'd known. You've treated them like shit, you really should apologise. I hope your 'new friends' are worth it....

You say your old friends 'mentioned it' (NYE plans) and you and DH avoided responding. That was cowardly and mean. Your old friends would have assumed NYE would be the same arrangement as normal. You should have been honest then so your old friends could make other plans.

I was just reading through and had this exact same thought.

They're MY friends, you can't have them as your friends.

Either that or OP is embarrassed of her long standing friends and thinks they are not good enough for new friends.

It all smacks of playground politics and I don't mean the parents.