Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

That‘s really unkind, thoughtless and childish OP. You have some apologising and making up to do.

You can’t have another two people join a group?

Are they swingers?

This. Sorry OP. Seems a bit mean. If it was something you normally do I would feel a bit like you had received a better offer and ditched us if I was your friend.

You made your choice, OP, but in doing so you can’t expect your longstanding friends to not be hurt. Very hurt.

You reap what you sow.

I don’t understand why you just didn’t invite them as well? More the merrier? That’s what I’d have done.

or do you feel your old friends aren’t ‘cool’ and wouldn’t get on well with your new shiny friends?

if it’s the latter then I think you need to grow up. Your not 13.

This was a shitty thing to do. If you had other plans in mind at least be upfront about it.

I think it’s ok to have various groups of friends who may never normally come together - except this was NYE, I’d have spoke to the group and explained what you normally do and can you invite your other friends.
Doesn't mean you’re joined at the hip and have to include them in everything all the time, but it would have been nice as it was NYE to include them.

if I were your friends I’d be a bit pissed off too, even though you are absolutely entitled to arrange what you want, with you you want. Just feels a bit off after making it a ‘tradition’

I don’t understand why you just didn’t invite them as well? More the merrier?

To be fair if one of the new friends was hosting (not the OP) I don’t think she could just invite some extras. She’d have to ask the hosts, and if it’s only a small gathering of people who all know each other they might feel a bit put out to be asked to add in a couple they don’t know.

A really really mean thing to do. You spent NYE together for years, of course they expected the same again and you didn’t even have the decency to tell them your plans had changed. Very childish behaviour and a horrible thing to do.

Fine to see other friends, although a little awkward not to invite them.

Really insensitive not to explicity tell them with plenty of notice. Of course they would be hurt.

You don’t owe anyone anything, things change all the time. Traditions change, your friend does not own your schedule.

This is the unreasonable bit

Loyalty, kindness, compassion.....we're not bothering with these ? 🤣

I can't believe you are asking . You were very rude and unkind to old friends. You dropped them for new ones without any explanation. Coward into the bargain. If I were them I wouldn't want to continue the friendship.

I agree with this – teenage behaviour. I don’t think you’ll need to feel awkward in the future because they’ll probably find better friends.

Interesting responses! I actually don’t think you were unreasonable as you hadn’t made any firm plans even when it was brought up. You don’t have to repeat the same thing every year. Even though we usually see the same friends every new year, I wouldn’t assume we definitely had plans with them until we’d confirmed it.

Shitty behaviour tbh. You dropped one couple for a group of new friends. You could have made one bigger group ? We have spent every New Year’s Eve with a couple of our best friends. It’s an unwritten rule and we’ve been going since our children were tiny and we stopped going out out. It was the one night of the year we left them with my in-laws overnight. Now they either come with us or go out themselves.
If they suddenly bailed I’d be most upset.

Hopefully 'ditched couple' make some proper friends in 2026 and don't bother with you anymore.

You don’t owe them anything obviously but after ditching them you can’t really expect them to want to be friends with you. Very mean thing to do. You don’t sound like very nice friends to have.

Bollocks. Why couldn’t it have worked? Presumably you’re all adults although your behaviour doesn’t seem like it. You just didn’t want your old friends there as you think you’ve gone up a notch. I’m not surprised they’re hurt, your behaviour was shitty.

Can’t believe you don’t think there is anything wrong with how you acted. I’d never treat my friends like this. Selfish and thoughtless…

So you don't think being upfront and telling this long standing, loyal friend who clearly is very fond of OP that she won't be seeing them this NY? Next year this shiny new friendship group might decide to kick op to the kerb and she will be the one spending NYE alone, but hey no one owes anyone anything right?

Presumably you’re an adult?

What childish, shitty behaviour.
You should’ve told them as soon as you knew.
Grow up.

Perhaps OP is worried the old friends will be liked a little too much by this new friendship group, putting OPs nose out of joint. I can't think why else you would want to gatekeep your new friends. Perhaps OP lacks confidence as well as manners and compassion

I disagree. The OP does owe these friends courtesy.