Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

Very poor form on your behalf.

I think YABU and more context is needed here. Did you tell your original friends that you made alternate plans? It sounds a bit inconsiderate of you. Of course, you have no obligation to adhere to the tradition, but there was a respectful way to go about it. You should have been transparent and given them time to make alternate plans. Why couldn’t incite them?

Your fault so.

This was shit of you. You should have said something at the time.

Nasty

Think you handled that really badly OP. We have spent the last 11 NYE with the same couple. If they said to us a few months before that they had made other plans this year I'd be pretty gutted but would accept it. If they didnt actually tell me but went off and did something else I think it would be the end of the friendship for me.

You need to ask if you've been unreasonable?

You made some interesting new friends, didn't want to share them and dumped your old friends without telling them what was going on and whose their questions.

With friends like that nobody needs enemies!

Me and DP shared NYE with another couple for over 20 years, then one year (their turn to host), no invite. We were puzzled but actually relieved, as we were having a very busy time that year.

We had our first NYE alone together, and thoroughly enjoyed it , ( relaxed evening with nice food, fizz, music, a game and Hootenanny, lol) so much so that we vowed to spend it at home alone in the future, and have done so for the past 10 years.

When we met up after the first year separate from them, the husband of the couple said they had been a bit glum and hadnt enjoyed their night, and seemed peeved that we hadnt invited them to ours for that consecutive year. Wife said very little and was annoyed he had told us about their sad night.

We wouldnt have changed had it been our decision, but we very much benefitted from their decision.

Really nasty thing to do.

Agree. You sound like you found 'cooler' friends or something and didn't even have the balls to tell them.

You even speak negatively of your old friends, like they were needy and too eager. It is a terrible look for you.

So you just left them hanging? Changing my vote, YABU. You didn't have the guts to speak with them about it and effectively ghosted them on the matter.

What a horrible thing to do. I would be devastated.

That's a shitty way to behave. I hope your shit-hot new friends ditch you the same way and you're alone next NYE

So they were good enough to spend every New Years with until you found better company?

Hopefully they find better friends.

I honestly can't believe you need to ask! You don't have to spend every NYE with them but you should definitely have told them you had other plans. Shitty behaviour on your behalf.

That was a bit ignorant of you. Why wouldn’t you just tell them?

This is awful. You are all meant to be friends. You decided this year that you didn't fancy spending NYE with them..your friends brought it up and you just ignored them,not even a mention of maybe being unavailable this year. They have every right to be annoyed

YABU because you could have told them but didn’t so they were left hanging. Why couldn’t they have joined the new friend group?!

I think this could end the friendship, so hope you are happy with that.

Yanbu to see different friends but you just have to say oh we already have plans with x y and z this year, let's meet up on x date instead.

Sounds like you didn't tell them and they assumed all was same as previous years. I'd be pissed off at you too.

I have friends who we hosted for many years but got out of the habit due to illness one year then the next year we said we couldn't host (for good reason) and this year when they brought it up I just said I was joining a different group of friends. People don't mind if you give them notice.

You handled this terribly, if you didn’t let them know you had other plans when you had the chance of course they would assume the usual arrangements would be in place, why wouldn’t they?

Yeah you definitely should have told them upfront, not cool

Wow. So you just ghosted them.

Who needs enemies with friends like you. Lets hope they find someone nicer to spend next new years with!

What you did was a rude thing to do anyway by ditching them…

But to not be upfront about it and just brush them off and let them find out after you had dropped them was even ruder…

You used them until you got a better offer.

YABU, you shpuld have told them well in advance you had alternative plans. Sounds like you also could have invited them but chose not to. You became a new part of the group, why couldn't they have?

So you’ve spent the last few NYE with these friends then this year you got a better offer!

it’s a bit shit that you just couldn’t be honest with them and say you have had a better offer,