Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

That was extremely rude. I suspect that’s hugely exacerbated their upset.

Yeah, you’re a snake mate. Nobody’s saying you can’t make new friends and spend time with them, but you fobbed your old friends off when they asked you earlier in the year because you felt “awkward”. Sneaky as fuck.

I think your comment '...and up to this year it had worked for us' pretty selfish. It implies you were happy while nothing better was available.

If there's precedent, and they had mentioned hosting to you already, then I think it's very very poor form on your side. With a precedent, the mere mentioning of 'We're hosting' with no rebuttal would imply to me that it was agreed.

You should either have said no when your friend mentioned hosting it or, if the other couples' do hadn't been arranged, made apologies when you received that invitation and say you'd love to host next year (giving your 'tradition' friends plenty of notice). Or if that's too long to wait, express regret and arrange an alternative dinner, like Burns'.

To pin your 'we weren't being unreasonable were we?' on a point of admin like a confirmation, frankly, is shitty and not the action of true friends.

Why?

Yeh this is shitty

I asked this question too. But I think we all know why. Old friend and husband are now perceived by OP as a bit dull. New friends are more exciting. Hence OP dumps old friend.

Not at all nice

That's so shitty of you. I'm not surprised they were upset

Really shitty if you. Basically ditched your long standing unspoken plans for a better offer. By your own admission this was a regular thing. Of course you could have included them with new friends, it’s not high school. You owe them an apology.

Unless they’d upset you it would have been kinder to say we’re not coming, at the time they asked you, even by text .

is there any reason for not including them in your new group of friends? Are they horrible?
or the new friends , are they horrible?

You should have said something, but otherwise YANBU.

We used to host friends at NY, did so for years. Then one year they said they had been asked elsewhere (to a family I knew they had been close to before they ever met us). So the 'tradition' died a death, but we've stayed friends.

How would you have felt if the roles were reversed? You were not told that it wasn’t happening this year.

Also grow up, tell people your plans have altered, like an adult!

This.
You had a chance to give clarity to your friend but chose to be rude.

No, you shouldn't feel like you are committed forever, but likewise basic manners would dictate that you would say thank you but we have already made other plans.

I think you should be mortified to have treated such friends in such a shabby way.

You definitely wouldn't see us for dust.
I am very boudaried and respectful, and I don't tolerate any fxxking about.

Fxxk about with me like you did, and you WILL find out.
Life is just too short.

I think I'd have stuck with old friends and made a plan to start bringing them in with the new group over the course of this year and then hosted a party for all.

You have been hurtful.

YANBU to make other plans but you clearly handled it piss poorly.

This. It was cowardly and rude not to have said to them, so they could have had a chance to make other plans.

How would you have felt if they’d done this to you?

I don’t know how you could have been more unkind to long-standing friends.

No you don’t have to spend every NY Eve with them, but you were dreadfully rude not replying to the query they made earlier on.

You essentially dumped old friends in favour of new friends without a word to your longstanding friends. Teenage behaviours, dreadful, carry on like this and you’ll be rightly friendless!!

I’m on the fence here because it was an assumed thing as you’ve spent the last few new years together. But cannot always assume you’ll be together always on new years. I do think they’ll fall out with you over this.

Ah, so was it that you were having a retro Swingers' party with the new friends?

Snakey

Awful behaviour on your part OP. Manners surely to at least discuss it and say sorry we’ve made plans

They asked, you left them hanging and never answered. That's unkind. You should have told them at the time, sorry we've got other plans this year. They might have been a bit disappointed but they'd have had plenty of time to arrange something else rather than just wait and wait until it dawned on them that you wouldn't be coming and wouldn't be telling them directly!

You've turned a slightly awkward situation into a more awkward one.

You were very rude.

You should have either included them in some way, or spoken clearly so they would have had time to make other plans themselves.

Honestly I think this is really poor behaviour on your part. Them mentioning it was your chance to say you might have alternative plans this year. Instead you let them carry on with their expectation and then let them down. You put it off to avoid discomfort in that moment, but made it much much worse in the long term. YABVU

@TraitorsSandwich so, will you apologize to your ex-friends?