Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

Why? If it was a group of you why would an extra couple matter?

You were very rude to not even tell them. Incredibly immature.

You were not unreasonable to not want to spend the time with them.
You were very unreasonable in not telling them you have other plans.

I'd be pulling back from you and I wouldn't be taking the tradition back up when your new friends are so interesting. You treated your friends horribly, they said it to you and both kicked the sand and mumbled instead of being straight so they would sort other plans.

Ahh that’s a bit shitty. YABU

This is exactly right!
Your friend being upset is because they asked you and you didn’t tell them no thank you in good time. They were probably unsure when you went silent - that made it awkward. You’re not obliged to do the same thing forever, but surely they were good enough friends to be treated respectfully and told upfront.

So you just hoped they would go away and now you’re mad that they didn’t?

That was pretty horrible of you, op. You definitely owe them an apology. You should have said it to them asap

So they mentioned hosting you months ago and you never told them you weren't going? They might have turned down other invitations.

I'd be more than a bit annoyed if I was them. Do you feel less awkward now?

You were rude and really, really crap friends. Why couldn't they have joined you with your shiny new friends?

It’s ok to change plans but I think this is awful behaviour. So you never actually told them you weren’t doing new years and just ignored it when it came up in conversation. So they thought it was still happening while you were making plans with other people.

I do think you owe them apology and need get better with communication.

We usually spend NYE with another couple. It's something that has worked well for us over the years of children. Between us we usually check if the others want to and who's hosting. You were very wrong not to tell them asap when they asked about it. I would always say to my friend we weren't available for some reason even if it felt awkward. That is the real issue here you didn't say anything. I hope you don't expect them to be free if you're at a loose end in the future. If you'd said sorry friend we can't do NYE this year but would love to host you on ... Then that would have been ok.

Yeah that’s a dick move. I’m not surprised they’re off with you. Horrible way to treat long standing friends (or anyone else for that matter).

You weren't very kind. You obviously felt awkward because you knew your behaviour was shitty.

I can’t stand shit like this.

Really odd and nasty.

You should have had the balls to tell them “Oh actually about NYE, well, we’ve made a group of new friends and we don’t think you’d fit in to the group so you’ll just have to make your own plans”.

That’s poor. You should have made your apologies at this point. Avoiding doing so as it made you uncomfortable is not on. Of course you can see who you want, but you needed to make it clear when it was first mooted you had other plans. I understand why your friend is pissed off.

Your friend has every right to be upset with you. It sounds though they offered to host you for NY as per tradition and you didn't have the courage to tell them otherwise.
I'd be upset by your inconsiderate behaviour too

Sounds like you dodged them and then made your own plans. I don’t get why you couldn’t have said ‘Right need to talk to you about NY plans. We’ve invited Paul and Clare, John and Jane, Greg and Alice around to ours this year so appreciate it’s not our normal tradition. Absolutely still want you to come. They’re all nice couples and we know them from the running club. Entirely up to you, appreciate you won’t know them so understand if it’s not your bag, but you’re more than welcome - more the merrier.’

I can understand why they feel upset.
You avoided the question and it feels deceitful

I was going to say YWNBU until I saw your update.

Really shitty behaviour, can’t believe you have to ask!

Just tell them you have found better friends.

That’s sort of cowardly and not nice behaviour tbh. You’re free to do as you please but you could have been more mature about it and just told them you had already been asked to attend a different event this year so they had proper confirmation from you and perhaps could have organised something else.

It was awful to dodge the question. Of course you hurt them. This was an established thing and if you wanted to change it, (which is fair enough) the decent thing to do would be to say so.

I'm surprised ppl on here are saying you were cheeky to ditch them. I think you can spend NYE with who you like. But if you got them to believe the date was on and then just dumped them, that's a slightly different matter. Why couldnt you have included them though. In my experience, once everybody has had a few drinks it' s a case of the more the merrier. When I was younger, house parties at NY were great precisely because a whole bunch of different people turned up and the dynamuc usually was a laugh.

Really? Why not? Seems horrible to dump them to me.

Unequivocally rude, and bad friends. I hope they have realised now what poor regard you clearly hold them in that you couldn’t even be bothered to tell them you’d made other plans months ago, and move on to find a better circle than you two cowards