Have I ruined everything

[theheckisgoingon28]

Hi Im so sorry but this might be a long read. I just want too say everything so you all can see mayne why I feel the way I do.
been with boyfriend close too 2 and a half years. Severe issues with sex. For a good id say close to a year. I hate porn. It’s the worst thing to exist online in my opinion and I class it as cheating. Said all this at the start. When we had sex it would go on for hours with no end . After the first time I remember him saying ‘ I hope you ain’t one of them girls who thinks it’s because of them’ i said no but I did feel that way. Months went by still the same apart from the odd occasion. Now when he finished I felt so relieved. Didnt hate myself or feel disgusted with myself thinking it was me. Just to find out that so me how he had put porn on his phone with out me knowing and was watching it when we were doing it . To say iv never been so sad woth every aspect of my self is an understatement.
he said it’s because he didn’t feel like a man . But he would then watch it as soon as I left for work . So still no finshing but would send me videos when I got to work of him wanking and then phoning me after saying how much of a good wank he had ect. Honestly to this day it’s give me severe anxiety. He had a porn addiction and wanking addiction . To this day he says he hasn’t watched it since but I have found stuff on his phone so I know hes lying but he will flip out and then I think it’s all in my head .
so now I have anxiety everytime I leave his house , everytime I go to work in the morning . It’s so pathetic . Iv never experienced anything like this in my life . This morning we started doing it and he couldn’t continue because his back was hurting him. Fair enough . I got up got dressed and went to leave when he grabbed my arm and said I will not be wanking when you go to work and said it a few times . I said ok and left . On the way to work he sent me a what’s app . I don’t use my phone when driving so I pull over open it and I see a video . Instantly my stomach turns because in this video he sent me he is not full on wanking but his Willy is hard and hes wanking it slowly. He wrote under neath dont worry I won’t be wanking .
now this has all messed my head up took me back to exactly how I felt for the first year. To me why would you send that video after oddly saying I won’t be wanking when I leave then putting that caption under a video of doing exactly what you said you wouldn’t do.
I think he could tell something was wrong because he text me ok about ten mins after it. I didn’t even watch the whole video just deleted it . Iv felt so sad and sick all morning in work. I did reply and say I deleted it and I don’t get why he would send me it after saying he woundnt do it ect and how it made me feel like I did for the first year.
i could tell this pissed him off he just replied ok sorry.
then had a go saying i said no wanking not a skin touch ? What the hell. Then lost his shit and at the end told to me go shag Some one else . I just want to know if I’m in the wrong because I will say sorry or I have reason to feel the way I am . I havnt heard off him since around 6 and I highly doubt i will until maybe tomorrow. Thankyou

Genuine question, but why are you still with him? What keeps you going back?

You obviously don't live together?

Hi Thankyou for your reply . We don’t live together because of his dog . She’s pretty disruptive. He has no living room left , if left unattended for even ten minutes she will destroy things . There’s no wall paper on the walls , no sofa left , shes had the internet box, main electric cable . A good thousand pounds worth of my things. I could go on and on . She has also attacked my boy ( dog) hes the love of my life ha ha. Just randomly will go for his face . She took a chunk out of it a few months ago . And I won’t even walk them together no more . Im a huge animal lover and iv got to hate his dog. And I have quite a bit of guilt over feeling that way . Because of how much I love animals . But it’s every single day even is shes been out non stop running for an hour . Like last night . He took her out running non stop . She gets in . And I put the tv on down stairs . Not even half hour later thr tv doesnt come on shes chewed all the wire. But I know I mention anxiety a lot but theres so much more going on . Iv actually changed my name to write this because of how embarrassed I feel. I find it all so draining . We live in his bedroom because of his dog . Been this way pretty much from day one . And then Im constantly back and forth between my house and his because I have to see my dog . And sort him out this could be up to 3-4 times a day . Up down up down . Im up at just gone 4 for work and im just constantly tired all the time then this added stress and worry all the time .

I hope you take on board these unanimous responses. Dump him and take care of yourself x

He is one utter weirdo sending you such stuff - lovely you don’t have to put up with this - clearly he’s got awanking fixation and I don’t know if he thinks it turns you on or does it to upset you - porn is one thing ( and I’m not pro it when it gets to be a very regular habit) but sending videos is on another level - please move on- he sounds a complete loser

You know what will make you a happy, fun person again? Leaving this awful man who is making you so unhappy, destroying your self-esteem, and constantly lying to you.

Hi. I think it’s because I always think people will change . And that’s all I have wished and hoped for wirh him . But time and time again when ever I start to feel a tiny bit content . He will always ruin it . I do leave then I used to be horrible and send texts to him saying how he’s making me feel . But he will always make me feel bad saying all I do is put him down . But to me Im not . All I do I state what he does . I dont lie and add anything else in . Just what he does . I loved him so much for so long . To me even after everytime he was doing . Love with him felt special . But now it’s different. I still love him and he always goes on about Im going to cheat on him because I’m sad. Then he will throw it in my face that I said that which I did . Hes gone a bit better with how he thinks about women . But we were watching eastenders mayne a year ago . And something was happening on there. Cheating related maybe . He said all women are slags . That’s why they cheat they just want dick. So I said actually women dont cheat because they are slags and want dick women chest mostly because they are sad . Worst thing I could of ever said

Even his ddog has got a shit life...
Bet it's a Malinois...
Or a butch status breed..
Ltb and find the fun happy you again.

Just leave this man today. The whole situation sounds horrible and you are clearly not happy, nor in love with eachother. I don't see any reason why you would want to spend another minute with this man.
Good luck xx

A gf comes to you & tells you exactly what's in your post. What would you tell her to do?
He's an absolute creep. Dump him & don't look back

Frankly I’m surprised you are still with him. I second all who say walk away. He sounds absolutely vile.

I've been on MN since the beginning and this is one of the saddest posts I've ever read and most horrific in terms of his behaviour.

You have a job, your own home and your lovely dog. You do not need this absolute nutter in your life at all.

He's an abusive, misogynist manchild with severe mental health issues brought about my drug use and refuses to recognise any of this, much less try and do anything about it.

You deserve so much better.

This is werid! From a male perspective... he is a sex pest get rid of the creep.

Genuinely why are you with this man?
He is a sex pest
He takes cocaine
He lies to you
He makes you feel shit

Where is the upside here?

Get rid. It's not your job to sort out his issues. And he has many.

I don’t know how you check people’s previous posts but I have changed me name for this one out of being embarrassed but it anyone would like to read a other things and let me know if it’s me being controlling please let me know. My usual user name is maybeinanotherlife06

OP, you're in a good position here. You have your own place, your own dog, your own life without him.

Just ditch the disgusting, abusive creep. Do not bother telling him all the ways he's made you feel, etc. Just block him from your life.

Life is too short. Get rid of this grim specimen, work on your self-esteem and move on.

This is so sad. I really wish I could come and get you and make you realise this isn’t a life. Most couples do things together, are best friends and don’t lie. They also wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.
What do your friends think about it? Or his friends? Is he working? Does he cook for you or do housework? Most people don’t let an (untrained) dog destroy a house.
What do you get out of the relationship? Xx

I also feel this is one of the saddest threads I’ve read. Everyone is telling you that he is not good for you. He’s not even good for his dog!!!
Please, please leave him and make yourself happy again. No good can ever come out of this relationship.
If you were my daughter I’d come and take you home for a good rest and help you see that you deserve more from life.

Oh bless you OP, seek support from your loved ones and leave him.

You deserve more!

“He said all women are slags.”

OP, you need to get to a place in life that when a man, any man, says this to you or around you, you call them a cunt and walk out. That’s unacceptable and you can’t stand for it.

People don’t change. I mean, they can work on themselves if they really want to. But you can’t make them do that and you can’t make anyone change.

You only have the power to change yourself.

Do you really want to waste your life like this?

Your comment has affected me the most . Because I find it really hard to accept or believe that whats going on isnt a problem i have . Also you said it’s the saddest thing you have read. If I ever get upset about anything he does . I don’t get anything to make me feel better or for me to be able to heal from things . If I cry he has in the past shouted to shut the fuck up im doing his head in . Iv cried on the floor and hes just gone to sleep after shouting at me . Or he will up and leave . He will then go in his van up the mountain where we live and take drugs , and drink . Even tho he says he doesn’t do it no more he does.

Hi. I think it’s because I always think people will change .
It is very, very rare for people to change.
He won't change.

I used to be horrible and send texts to him saying how he’s making me feel.
Stating to someone how you feel is not "being horrible" to them. Where did you learn that you have no right to tell people when they upset you?

But he will always make me feel bad saying all I do is put him down . But to me Im not . All I do I state what he does . I dont lie and add anything else in . Just what he does .
He can't take the truth about himself, so blames you for stating the truth.
He won't change - the first step is being truthful and he can't do it.

I loved him so much for so long .
Irrelevant. this may be news to you, but love is not enough. It is not even the main ingredient. Respect, honesty, caring - these are all far more important.

Love with him felt special .
That's just hormones. Being in love always feels special. Humans have hormones to make them "fall in love" otherwise no one would ever have babies.

he always goes on about Im going to cheat on him because I’m sad. Then he will throw it in my face that I said that which I did .
Nasty manipulative abusive behaviour.
He does not love you. He might say he does but it is not true.

He said all women are slags . That’s why they cheat they just want dick.
Is is a misogynist - which means that deep down he hates and despises all women. ALL women, including you.

So I said actually women dont cheat because they are slags and want dick women chest mostly because they are sad . Worst thing I could of ever said
Stop blaming yourself for "saying the wrong thing". He will always find something you said to get angry about or blame you for - because he is a nasty misogynist and he wants to get angry and blame women.

You can't win.
You can't change him.
It won't get better.
End it.

I clicked YABU, because YABU to even want to be in the same space as this sleazy pornographer - get rid asap.

This! He has worn you down so much that you don't see that you are worth more than this. You don't even live together, it is so easy for you to walk away from him. You hate porn and drugs yet have not dumped him despite both being a regular feature in his life.

Please build back you self respect and self esteem and realise that you will be so much happier without him.

Im sorry about all my spelling mistakes . Only realised when I just read back on something I wrote . To me Im making myself seem like a victim . Hes said it so many times and I can see that from what Iam writing .