Have I ruined everything

[theheckisgoingon28]

Hi Im so sorry but this might be a long read. I just want too say everything so you all can see mayne why I feel the way I do.
been with boyfriend close too 2 and a half years. Severe issues with sex. For a good id say close to a year. I hate porn. It’s the worst thing to exist online in my opinion and I class it as cheating. Said all this at the start. When we had sex it would go on for hours with no end . After the first time I remember him saying ‘ I hope you ain’t one of them girls who thinks it’s because of them’ i said no but I did feel that way. Months went by still the same apart from the odd occasion. Now when he finished I felt so relieved. Didnt hate myself or feel disgusted with myself thinking it was me. Just to find out that so me how he had put porn on his phone with out me knowing and was watching it when we were doing it . To say iv never been so sad woth every aspect of my self is an understatement.
he said it’s because he didn’t feel like a man . But he would then watch it as soon as I left for work . So still no finshing but would send me videos when I got to work of him wanking and then phoning me after saying how much of a good wank he had ect. Honestly to this day it’s give me severe anxiety. He had a porn addiction and wanking addiction . To this day he says he hasn’t watched it since but I have found stuff on his phone so I know hes lying but he will flip out and then I think it’s all in my head .
so now I have anxiety everytime I leave his house , everytime I go to work in the morning . It’s so pathetic . Iv never experienced anything like this in my life . This morning we started doing it and he couldn’t continue because his back was hurting him. Fair enough . I got up got dressed and went to leave when he grabbed my arm and said I will not be wanking when you go to work and said it a few times . I said ok and left . On the way to work he sent me a what’s app . I don’t use my phone when driving so I pull over open it and I see a video . Instantly my stomach turns because in this video he sent me he is not full on wanking but his Willy is hard and hes wanking it slowly. He wrote under neath dont worry I won’t be wanking .
now this has all messed my head up took me back to exactly how I felt for the first year. To me why would you send that video after oddly saying I won’t be wanking when I leave then putting that caption under a video of doing exactly what you said you wouldn’t do.
I think he could tell something was wrong because he text me ok about ten mins after it. I didn’t even watch the whole video just deleted it . Iv felt so sad and sick all morning in work. I did reply and say I deleted it and I don’t get why he would send me it after saying he woundnt do it ect and how it made me feel like I did for the first year.
i could tell this pissed him off he just replied ok sorry.
then had a go saying i said no wanking not a skin touch ? What the hell. Then lost his shit and at the end told to me go shag Some one else . I just want to know if I’m in the wrong because I will say sorry or I have reason to feel the way I am . I havnt heard off him since around 6 and I highly doubt i will until maybe tomorrow. Thankyou

From the sounds of it, your partner may have many self inflicted health issues that could be unknowingly affecting him sexually, but there is no need to take them out on you. Many drug users suffer from delayed ejaculation and feel deficient when they are with their partner which makes it worse. Whilst they still have this problem when they enjoy themselves, they may not have to wait for the main event as long as they don't have to live up to your perceived expectations. It sounds to me like he is taking this out on you and not connecting the dots.

Weirdo.

Why the fuck does he think you want to see a video of him wanking 🤮🤮🤮

Hooray that you don't live with him! There is absolutely nothing to stop you ditching this pathetic scumbag and the minute you do, you'll start to recover the fun person you once were.

To say that you can do better than this is the understatement of the century OP!

Please end this.

From your updates, it looks as if you’re not living together, so have no property or financial ties which could make things more difficult.

The sex / porn issue is bad enough, but adding in the manipulation, emotional abuse, drug use and general awful behaviour are not anything that you have to put up with.

You deserve so much more - he doesn’t give you even the most basic respect. It does not seem as if he brings anything to this relationship and does not display any love or affection to you.

Hopefully seeing what you have written here and other people’s replies will help you to understand that this is not acceptable and you don’t have to live with any of this.

You will be so much happier without this waste of space

Hi . He is 38 too. There was definitely no underlying problem with him other than severe porn watching and death grip from wanking . He would finish within seconds when he would stop trying with me and wank

Please please get your ducks in a row and get away from this horrible specimen.
This is no life for you, hes a sexually obsessed disgusting f*king pervert

Read your own words back as if you are an outsider. You'll soon make the right decision.

Leave, block and enjoy your life. It’s that simple. You have NO ties to him, thank god. All the stress and fog is from him - you will feel so much better once you walk away. Try the Freedom Programme for support in living your life free from this odious scrote.

YABU to be wasting your time on this prick. Get rid.

But that's the point, it wasn't happening when he was with you, only after when the pressure is off. Sounds like it could be drug related to me.

Oh please lovely , you deserve to be loved and treated like a princess not have some gross idiot messing with your head. It really is all him and not you at all - this is not normal and you dont have to put up with it - honestly

He’s a revolting lying addict. You deserve so much better.

Ok, I want to reiterate to you
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.

Actually, you approached things like an adult and put boundaries rigut from the start - you consider porn = cheating and will not accept it in your relationship.

HE could have come clean and say he has a porn addiction (theres a reason why he can’t come)
HE could have said the relationship isn’t for him and stepped back
Instead he choose to lie. That was HIS choice. Nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with you.

Then he started to use porn when having sex with you?!? That was HIS choice again. Nothing to do with you.

If you really want to say ‘this is where I could have dine better’ its when you stayed after learning he is using porn and is a porn addict.
But even then, the way he is goading you (because That’s goading) about ‘having a wank’ (or not) p, Which is basically a code for watching porn, tells me he is also abusive. And that’s what abuse does. Makes you think,you’re tye one at fault and it makes it hard/harder to leave.

Please, just go back to your house. To your dog. To your friends.
Blick him. He is never going to give you any respect or love. And you deserve so much better than that.
Let him enjoy his days watching porn on his own.
And ho back to enjoy your life, your way. Wo an unnecessary weight aroubd your ankles.

But that’s a HUGE underlying issue for someone who consider porn = cheating.

He was never going to stop watching porn if he was spending do much time watching it when you met.

He isn’t a nice person with one small flaw - a crap sex life.
He is lying
He is shifting blame onto you
He is goading you knowing the impact it has on you.
None of this are the hallmarks of a nice person

I've never had a bloke send me a video of him wanking. Not ever.

OP why are you caring? Your deal breaker is porn. You haven't enforced that and told him to fuck off. Why?

It doesn't sound as though you live together? Just end it. Your mental health is more important than this sex creep.

Please just block him on everything, do not see him again, don't be thinking what he's thinking or doing or even utter his name, that chapter of your life with that creep is over. Live your life, you have a nice home family and dog and a job. You deserve to be happy. Make plans for the future, things that bring you joy, take care of you

Why is he in bed wanking while your at work..

Anyway - dump him - he sounds gross!

Fanny fully clamped. blurgh

You are incompatible and have very different views on pornography.
He has no respect for your boundaries or feelings if he's sending you sexually explicit videos that you don't want to receive.
Leave this dysfunctional relationship for your own wellbeing and sanity.
If you want to be kind to him advise him to seek therapy to deal with his insecurities,sexual inadequacies so that it doesnt destroy any future relationships.
You deserve better than this repulsive man.

You do not need therapy for a "phobia" of wanking or drugs,

You do need therapy for your appallingly low self-esteem and vulnerability to abusive relationships.

GP might be a good place to start.
Anyone else here know how to find a therapist?

OP, you are not the problem here. You've got your own home, a job, a lovely dog and family to share your home with.

Your boyfriend lies about using porn, lies about taking drugs, gaslights you, sends you disgusting images (no one wants to receive a video of their OH wanking surely?!), the sex sounds totally grim, and he has a dog that is completely out of control and is wrecking his home and threatening the safety of your dog (and probably you).

You can't fix him. You need to save yourself. Leave him and enjoy your life without him.

I did.

Once.

In slow motion 🤢🤮

Obviously, that was the end.

Yes, OP, I dumped him.

When we had sex it would go on for hours with no end . After the first time I remember him saying ‘ I hope you ain’t one of them girls who thinks it’s because of them’ i said no but I did feel that way.

I didn't read past that.

That was the time to leave!

It may be him, it may be you (it really isn't but let's go with your narrative). If it's you , you should set him free to find someone he can finish with quickly ( like a blowup doll )
Either ways you are not suited to be together so please break up.

Dump, block, cry into your ice-cream and then when you feel a little better gets lots and lots of therapy (edit to add - for your self esteem not any phobias). He has done a huge number on you for you to even entertain the thought that it may be you. It is 100% him.

Everyone here is telling you to LEAVE THE BASTARD, but from what I can see, you haven’t responded to anyone’s message addressing that. Don’t you think you deserve better? Please, for your own wellbeing, listen to what we’re saying. x

Sad?

Disgusted and outraged

Dump him

Now.